Having Toms Baby (a Tom Hiddleston story)

Pee on cake

*Tom*
I sit there and watch as Celestia walks from the room. She is right of course. I need to find out what I truly want ... to make up my mind and decide what means the most to me.

Back before I met Felicity most of my relationships had been short lived. Often due to my busy schedule, combined with them putting me on some pedestal and the hate coming from my fans ... they can be a bit ... overprotective at times.

And if I have to be honest I tended to ... grow bored rather fast. I would start finding flaws with them, and lose interest.

Meeting Felicity she kinda knocked me off my feet, and when I started to drift from her the whole pregnancy thing happened. It was like that matured me a lot in regards to relationships.

I had kinda been happy when Felicity started to ... put me in my place, I guess is the way to put it. Even my mother had said that maybe that was what I needed, someone mature, with their priorities in place.

And for some weird reason even the majority of my fans seem to like her. Thinking she is good for me ... So why am I suddenly doubting it ?

Is it all about me realizing that I am no longer that young ? Desperately trying to not grow stale and bored ?

Do I love Felicity, I guess I do, on some level I think I always will... but I am not sure I am in love with her. I am not even sure I like this person she has become. And these contradicting feelings confused me.

And then there is Celestia, she kinda fulfills all the naughty fantasies. She is the type of woman I would look at when alone, would seek out when I pleasured myself, but not the type I would date, because she is not whom the public and my fans sees me with.

I sigh ... knowing I need to get my life back under control.

The thought of having sex with Celestia, or just being with her in general still excites me. But ... I also think about how nice it would be to patch things up with Felicity and talk things through.

Do I really want to get back to how we used to be ? Or am I clinging to something that is long dead and buried ?

Maybe we could go on a short holiday together, or something fun like that. See if it is still there.

And I wonder where my life is going, and what I want to do with it.

I know that Felicity wants to take care of me, plan out my whole life, our life, but I am not sure that is what I want.

I am not sure what I want anymore, and that scares the shit out of me. I like feeling in control of my life ... right now I don't.

I grab a pen and paper and start writing down my thoughts, the pro and cons to my possible choices.

Starting with the first one I write; 'So I have been thinking about my life ... what I want, and where I want it to lead'.

If Felicity and I are getting married.

It has always been important to both of us to have a family, and raise them. We had talked about adopting at least once, while we struggled with her not getting pregnant.

But I want more than that ... I want to keep building a career for myself.

I want to write and produce movies, maybe even start my own film company. But I also want to be able to go somewhere without having people recognize me, or wanting to come up and say hi.

I want to not be a celebrity, I want to be an actor, and a director. But I guess that is too much to ask for.

Most of all, I want to do it all for myself.

If Felicity wanted to stay home with the kids, great ... but I do not not assume she wants to.

Right now I feel like I am kind of drifting through life, and I don't want to do that anymore.

I need to focus on what is important to me.

If I just knew for sure what that is at this point of my life.

I stare at the paper. "Sorry to say it old boy, but you are fucked if you do and fucked if you don't".

*Celestia*
I throw myself on the bed, making sure to land on my back, as landing on a pregnant belly carrying twins just isn't very pleasant.

Did I do the right thing ? Demanding that Tom makes a decision. How did I even dare ? I mean he is a star and I am a nobody, I should be happy with whatever he is willing to give me.

"No !" I tell myself out loud. Just because he is famous and I am not, it is not okay to use me. I deserve respect, I deserve to know where I stand. What I am to be to him.

I am not going to have any more secret trysts with Tom. He will treat me as an equal, as his girlfriend if he wants us to be together. He will break up with Felicity.

And if he decides otherwise, then so be it. But for now, I am going to stand my ground on this. I will not let any of this get in the way of my happiness. I want to share my life with him, whether that is as a lover or as a friend. The only question I need answered is what he sees me being ?

I am however wondering how I am going to handle having the kids, having to see him share our kids with Felicity, and not me. Damn, it sounds stupid even in my mind ... Our kids. I mean yes biological they are, but elseway ... not really.

My phone rings and when I see that it is Danny I pick it up, even if I am not really in the mood for talking. Knowing my best friend he will keep calling til I pick up. "Hi Danny".

"Hi there darling". He says on the other end. "Why do you sound like someone peed on your birthday cake ?"

I laugh, even though I don't mean to, that I do not want to, but Danny often has that effect on me. "Nothing, I am fine ... just you know, pregnant, hormonal and horny".

"Just proves that you are normal". He teases me. "Everyone would be horny like twenty four-seven living with mr sex on legs".

He is right of course, Tom is very sexy indeed, the whole world knows that. That is why I am so confused about what I feel for him, I am sure it is. I shouldn't be having these feelings towards him. He is engaged to Felicity and even if I might not be her biggest fan I am not that kind of woman, a home wrecker.

We talk for a bit longer, mostly about nothing important. He tells me that he has been spending most of his time at work and is expecting a promotion, which is good. We also agree that we need to do something together, soon.

When we hang up I lay down on my back again, cradling my stomach and close my eyes, trying to relax.

*Felicity*
I need a plan. I am not dumb here, I see the moony eyes Celestia is always sending Tom and I see how She sucks up to him by always agreeing with him, always supplering him.

And I see the desire in Tom's eyes when he looks at her, even if I have no idea why he finds her attractive. But even worse, I see warmt in his eyes, and hear a protective tone in his voice.

I need a way to get her out of our life as soon as she has pushed out those babies. For me and Tom to be a happy family, she needs to go. How do I make her give Tom full custody ?

I know she won't leave on her own accord as I had hoped at first. She clearly shares my dream of a happy family with Tom. But Tom is mine.

Sadly I can't really trust that Tom will help me with this either, the little bitch has him wrapped around her fingers ... or more likely it's those boobs affectingmhis brain. He seems hell bent on the fact that she should be part of the kids lifes, of our life. But I am not spending the rest of my life constantly wondering if he is fucking her or not ... I want her gone.

I need a plan, and I need it fast!