Everything You've Come To Regret

39 | free love revival

December 20, 2015 – January 10, 2016

And I hope you're holding hands by New Year's Eve
They made it far too easy to believe
That true romance can't be achieved these days

⋆ ˚ ° ° ˚⋆

A few weeks passed in the blink of an eye under the English rain. Weeks with the threat of bumping into everyone I hated here—mostly Luke—looming above me like a black cloud.

Yet, for now, I was doing pretty well in the game of sneaking in and out of work unnoticed. I knew I wouldn't be able to ignore the real threat during the exhibition, but it was enough for the moment. I allowed myself to ignore the danger in order to just live. I arrived at the museum around 9, got coffee at the machine when no one else was around and tried to do all of my tasks alone and inside.

One Friday evening, I was doing the dishes after getting dinner with Sophie and her boyfriend Al—Alan—since Alex had done all the cooking. I hadn't expected my sister to be into broad-tattooed guys like him, but I could see what she found in him. He was funny and he seemed to give her the real princess treatment.

As a consequence, she gave me her own sense of the princess treatment. I think she was still in the process of forgiveness. She had nearly forbade me to move during the whole dinner just to go and get stuff in the kitchen herself. She had brought tons of nail polishes she didn't use, and pairs of jeans she had just bought and wouldn't wear.

I suspected she had done it just to give them to me, and I truly appreciated that. Even though it made me feel like a poor and helpless sister. If she wasn't trying too hard, I think I would have told her to fuck off and keep her stuff.

"So? What do you think?" Alex's voice interrupted my own personal report of the event.

I put up the last plate into the dishwasher and turned toward him, watching him slightly ducking to walk under the strings of lights and paper snowflakes hanging down from the ceiling.

He hadn't been lying when he'd told me I got a bit too excited about decorating.

What could I say? This was my first opportunity to get a personal touch into the flat.

"About Alan?" I asked, thanking him quietly when he passed me the dirty glasses.

"Yeah."

"I like him," I shrugged, loading the dishwasher under his eyes. "It would take more than a dinner to have an opinion on them together, but he seems nice enough. At least he made me quite comfortable."

"Yeah," Alex nodded. "And Sophie looked different too."

"How so?"

Alex shrugged too, running a hand through his hair. "Dunno, just more... relaxed."

"Yeah. I might be wrong, but she looked really sincere."

"I'd tell you if she didn't."

I smiled at him. "I know."

He really was honest. And even though Alan might have been caring, I knew he couldn't be more protective than Alex. Literally impossible. He wrapped himself up in every word I spoke, patient with every insecurity and he was a great listener. The best one I knew.

We spent Christmas with his parents in Sheffield, where I met the whole family for the first time. I felt so nervous that I was even able to drive, and I nearly threw up during the ride, shaking and apologising like a moron for the two hours drive. They were all lovely people though, welcoming and warm, and I had the feeling that they didn't hate me as much as I imagined.