Everything You've Come To Regret

11 | this town's different today

March 15 - 17, 2015

New regrets
Rough start but we all know that dance
Do those old boots remember the steps?

⋆ ˚ ° ° ˚⋆

My flat felt cold and unwelcoming, almost unfamiliar. I swallowed the lump in my throat to prevent myself from crying pathetically, alone in this big room. Paul's keys were carefully placed on the kitchen's counter, reminding me of what I lost. There had been so many emotions in only three days. Even the plants looked lifeless.

This morning, Alex and I had rushed to get the train after we woke up late, and I almost wished we'd missed it. There was nothing exciting waiting for me here. No boyfriend, no cat or something that could give me some attention. It was only me against the world outside the window.

I put my head underwater and tried to clear out my thoughts. All I could see was the moments in these past days when I'd felt genuinely happy. Alex's face appeared in all of them, haunting me like he was trying to send me a message.

"Leaving doesn't mean goodbye. You can come here anytime, and if you miss me too much you know I'll be around half the time."

Before I could think more, I raised my head and took a deep breath. The water was getting cold, so I went out of the bath and wrapped myself in a towel, regaining full consciousness at the feeling of the freezing tiles under my feet.

I spent the rest of the day tidying the flat and sorting out Paul's stuff he had left there in a few boxes. I didn't expect him to come soon, so I left them stacked in a corner, next to the door. If he had forgotten about me, there was someone else who hadn't. The weird guy from the train had called me at least five times since I came back, but the thrill of it when I was alone had long gone. I ended up blocking him.

The next day was barely better. The only distraction that I had gladly accepted was a shopping afternoon with Kat. It had been cut short when Emma called her for a flat emergency. She'd apologised a thousand times and left me to resume my shopping alone - or at least my walk through the city. When it had become like a sad rom-com scene, I came back to the warmth of my bed and drifted off, dreaming of all the things I'd never have.

❋❋❋

"Show us!" Emma squealed, clapping her hands when I twisted in front of the screen for a complete view of my outfit.

"The top looks weird though," I commented, furrowing my brows at my reflection in the mirror.

I admitted I looked pretty, but this suit was something I'd never dare to wear in a room full of strangers. It looked expensive and smart, and I wasn't sure if it really fitted me.

"Take it off then," Kat finally spoke from behind the screen.

"And let everyone see my breasts? Absolutely not," I scoffed, trying to hide the black top underneath the blazer.

"No one will see Marianne, I swear. Keep your bra if that makes you feel better but trust me," Emma glanced at her girlfriend and corrected herself, "trust us, it'll look perfect this way."

"I'll kill you both if my boobs end up on some weird website."

The sound of their laughter echoed in the whole flat, making me smile warmly despite the nerves.

My hands were already sweating around the perfume bottle as I sprayed some more around my neck.

Alex's text popped up at the top of my screen. I still couldn't believe it was really him, and not some kind of hallucination that followed me for three days.