violet gallagher // shameless

31- happy thanksgiving

*trigger warning! this chapter contains self harm, suicide mentions and blood. if you're sensitive i recommend to skip this chapter!*

the next days monica didn't leave the bed.

ian, carl and i sat at the breakfastbar. fiona was bustling around, collecting all the things grammy bought us to sell them and get some money.

debbie came downstairs again. she went up there to get monica breakfast. but of course she didn't wanna eat it.

"is something wrong with her? she hasn't gotten out of bed in days." she ask.

"mom's bipolar, debs." i told her.

"so like the north and south pole?"

"sorta."

after a few seconds of silence i decided that it was my turn to try to get her out of bed. "well, i'll see if i can get her up."

"violet, don't-" fiona started but i already ran upstairs.

"hey monica." i said sitting down next to her. "hey, i wanna go back to that bar tonight. you know, the one you took me to."

she just lay there with her head to the wall and her back to me. i put down the plate with the toast and the coffee.

"will you go with me?" i tried again. i saw the pain in her face. "come on mom, it'll be fun. you can weat that purple shirt."

then tears came out of her eyes.

"come on, monica." i took the coffee and hold it up to her face. "you want some coffe? mmm smells good."

then she finally turned to me. "honey, mom needs to rest."

"please?" i took my last try but she turned back. i felt really disappointed. but how should it help if i stayed here and just watch her being depressed.

"alright..." i took the plate, stood up and left.

i walked downstairs and put the plate with the cup onto the bar.

"did she get up?" debbie asked. i just looked at her, turned around and wanted to storm out of the backdoor but fiona stopped me.

"hey, i need you to take the pool down. homeless guys bathing in it." she said.

"uh, can't. i gotta get to work." i said.

"violet wait!" i heard ian calling after me but i already left.

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i don't really know why but i decided to go back to the club monica took me that night. but since i was on my own i couldn't get inside so i waited outside for someone who could take me in there.

"hey gorgeus." i heard someone calling. a old man with grey hair looked at me. "what are you waiting for? you wanna go inside?" he asked.

i thought a second but then i walked over to him. he put an arm around me and we went to the entrance.

"she's with me." he told the security guys and they let me in. "i like girls with brown hair. i'll call you... brownie."

uh what? i'm not sure if that name was really, you know uh, fitting...

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i was looking at chicago from a top floor in a rich hotel. the grey haired man took me there and we had sex. i stood at the window naked.

he gave me a bottle of water and stood next to me.

"sweet place you got." i said as i opened the bottle and drank from it.