The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 53}

Catheline's POV:

That very evening, I found myself in the company of Lady Daraa. I asked Karra to get us some tea since my guest prefers some.

"Forgive me for my state," I told her as she sat down on a chair by my bedside. "I should have worn something more presentable,"

"I do not blame you, Your Grace," she said quickly as she glanced at the cup of tea on my night table. "I heard that you talked about meeting me,"

"I have," I reply, as I moved a little bit for a more comfortable position. "I suppose you know the reason."

She did not say anything for a long time, making me wonder if she knew my actual intentions. I cleared my throat and began to speak again.

"What do you say, Lady Daraa?"

She looked at me before sighing. Her breath comes out slightly ragged as if she ran out of it. Was she in good health?

"I have three children, Your Grace." she began to say. "My husband was the one my then King chose. I was fifteen at that time and he was twenty-one. For a few years, he decided to not consummate out of respect for my age. But when he finally did...he left for war the very next day," 

The atmosphere seemed to have thickened with anxiety as I heard her words. She glanced at me as if she was unsure of whether to continue. But I gave her a nod, urging her to.

"I was so lonely and it was so hard. I barely knew anything about motherhood and no one was there to teach me. But then, I gave birth to a boy and three weeks after, my husband returned to me just fine. He was overjoyed that he had a son and did not even bother to ask me about my days without him."

"We were married out of duty, not out of love. Over the years, I began to make myself love him. A marriage granted by the King was highly valued. I thought of it that way. And by the time my son could walk, I was with child again."

"But this time, my husband had no war to go to. He spent his time with me, but I never felt it that way. He left in the morning and returned at night, just to play with his son and see if I was alright,"

"The second one was a girl. No matter how many sons you have, the feeling of having a daughter is strange. For some, it is a burden but for others, it is a blessing. His feelings were of the former,"

"He never cared for her as much as he cared for his son. I despised him forever for that. And then, I had a difficult labor with my third son. Even if no one told me, I knew that it was to be my last,"

"It has been years since my husband died, and yet, I never missed him. I sacrificed my happiness for duty and my children. At least, they do not have to suffer as I did,"

"Because of this, I may not be an appropriate candidate for being your midwife. I am urging you to reconsider,"

By the time she was finished, tears were rolling down my face. Maybe it was due to my strange mood swings or it was me being emotional. I never knew how hard even Lady Daraa had to deal with when it came to marriage. She is what she is because of what she was forced to become.

"Forgive me for making you upset," I heard her say. "I shall take my leave-"

"Daraa," I said as I hold his hand. She seemed surprised by my gesture as her eyes went wide.

"No one deserves such treatment," I told her, trying not to sob. "Your husband was horrible. He-"

I immediately stopped in my tracks. It disturbed me how her story it eerily similar to mine. If I blame her husband, then I'm blaming my own.