The Lonely Warrior Queen

{Chapter 18}

Catheline's POV:

By the end of the day, my mind was ruined. I had not counted the times I resisted tears but I felt as if they were unlimited. How can a man be so insensible? I had never done anything wrong or ruined his reputation.

I spent the rest of the afternoon and refused to even speak. I was so afraid that I was going to break down if I did so. Karra inquired a couple of times but after watching me, she stopped asking. She must have got the hint.

I spent the rest of the day, roaming in the garden, still thinking about what my husband told me. I had so many hopes and dreams of having a good marriage ever since I was young. Because in a woman's life, there is only one thing she could do. Be a good wife, daughter, sister, and mother. Just do your duty quietly and do not raise your question to your father or husband. Do not disrespect the men who are part of your life.

I hated to be like this.

What more could I do? I never disrespected my father in any way even if he spoiled me dearly. He gave me everything I wanted and took good care of me. He never made me feel empty or upset.

Even when the talks of my marriage occurred, he silenced everyone for me. He always wanted me to marry the one I wanted. And I chose Xander.

I thought the marriage was going to be fine. Even if would not love me, I would love him and take good care of him. I would cherish it in my heart. But what can I do to a husband who does not want me? If he did not want me, then why did he marry me? Why make me suffer? Would I be stuck like this for life?

Finally, I reached my chambers and felt mentally tired out. I had no more energy to think about anything. I wanted nothing but the comfort of my soft bed but even looking at that bed made me upset. I sighed and walked toward it and sat on it.

"I will not regret it,"

"I wish I could make myself love you."

"All lies..." I whispered and finally let go of the tears I had been holding.

I just could not take it any longer. Finally, after all those painful months, I thought we could be something more beautiful. All I wanted was him and he is the only one who I can never call mine. Why would he push away such a caring wife? The one who would even fight for him with her life?

We spent a night as one and I do not want to forget it. Because forgetting it would mean that nothing ever happened between us.

"I am incapable of loving anyone,"

Everyone needed someone to live in this world. No one can face the challenges of life alone. If he is incapable of loving, then I will change him for good.

I wanted to fight for us. While he did not want to.

I held the covers tightly under my palms and sobbed to the point of feeling breathless. The place where my tears fell was already drenched and yet, my tears were not satisfied.

No.

I do not want to be stuck in an unhappy marriage. But for now, I was unable to do anything. I felt ashamed for being so weak against him. I gave up my heart and body for him and now, it is too late to change that fact. Lost time can never come back but with the time given to you, you can cause many changes.

He needs to know that his words have consequences and that his actions have impacts on others. I was not a person he could use at any time and throw away. I was his wife. We were both stuck with each other and only death could part us. I will not get him away with this.

Just as I began wiping my tears, I heard a knock on the door. I turned around, feeling nervous all of the sudden. What if it was him? I stayed quiet until I heard the door open quietly. I realized that it was Karra and she had something in her hands.

"Your Grace..." she bowed. She approached me and I saw what she held in her hands. "I fixed this gown for you,"

I looked at the nightgown and brushed my fingers against it softly. The sight of it reminded me of the memories that brought me nothing but pain. It shocks one to know just how fast something changes. How one word can change everything.

"Burn it," I told her, looking away. "I never want to look at it again,"

Karra remained silent for a while before I heard her speaking. "As you wish, Your Grace,"

She moved away and placed the nightgown on a chair in the corner and walked toward me again.

"If you are upset, please know that I am here for you, Your Grace," she said softly.

I looked up and realized how much she values me. She was always the happiest for me and was always there for me when I was sad.

"Thank you, Karra," I told her and managed a smile. "But you may return to your chambers. I want to be left alone for now,"

"I just...cannot bear to see you upset," she fisted her hands tightly. "You are so kind. How can the King be cruel to you?"

I sighed and looked at my feet because I had nothing to say. I was wondering about her question quietly. There was nothing wrong with me. I was ready to be the perfect and loyal wife to my husband. Perhaps I should be more understanding and bear with his behavior until I can find a way to change it.

"He will not get away with this, Karra..." I said, absentmindedly. "I will never let him forget what he did,"

"May the King realize that he has a sweet and gracious Queen," Karra whispered.

I smiled and concluded that I can not be sad all the time anymore. I wanted to be happy and now, I will fight for it.
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Author's note:

This is a filler. I know it's boring but it is the arc of Catheline's character. She realized that her love for Xander should not hinder her ability as a Queen.

Have been waiting for the 'epiphany chapter' for so long :)

Thank you for almost 300 reads guys! I never thought that this was possible 💜

See you soon.