𝗛𝗘𝝠𝗥𝗧 𝗧𝝝 𝗕𝗥𝗘𝝠𝗞, sim jaeyun.

「𝗧𝗛𝗥𝗘𝗘」

I just stared at his chest, I can't bring myself to look into his eyes. I know myself that well enough to know that I'll get emotional and fold instantly.

"Look at me," he demanded.

It looks like there's no escape, damn.

I slowly looked up just to see his eyes. The eyes I missed staring in. The eyes who I missed staring at me. I've been longing to see his eyes and now that I do, there's no going back.

After years of denying and trying to persuade myself into thinking that I don't care about him anymore and I hate him, it only takes less than a second to make all the effort through the years worthless.

I took time to analyze his face while he was staring at me. He grew up well I must say. Over all, he's still recognizable just his lips became plumier, his eyes bigger and he parted his hair in the middle so some strands of hair fell on his face.

"Please just listen to me," he pleaded, finally speaking up.

"What do you want?" I asked coldly.

"I came here to explain everything to you."

Explain my ass. You ignored my calls and messages for years and suddenly want to explain "everything" to me?

"No fucking chance. Leave me alone now," I freed my wrist from his hold.

"I know you just need some time to calm down, don't worry, I understand. I'd act the same if-"

"You don't understand shit, Jake. You never did, never do and never will," I interrupted.

"Why won't you just leave me alone? Is it that fun to you? Did you not enjoy the first time you made a fool out of me?" I asked furiously.

"If you'd calm down and let me explain, you won't make a fool out of yourself now," Jaeyun stated.

"How dare you say that after everything you've put me through, Jake?" I shot back.

"So it's not Jaeyun anymore? Did I turn into a stranger?" he questioned.

"Stranger? You've always been one. I didn't even know your real face when we were "friends" and now you have the audacity to ask me that question?" I laughed.

"Where does this come from now? The face you've seen when I was with you, was my only real one."

"I don't even want to hear it, I don't have time to listen to your bullshit," I walked back into the direction of my dorm.

Luckily, this time he stopped approaching me and I opened the door to my dorm to enter it. As I closed the door, I leaned on it and slowly slided down. I wanted to cry but I couldn't, it's like I had lost all of my tears.

After staring into pure emptiness for what felt like hours, I stood up to get changed into comfortable clothes and do my daily studying.

While studying though, I couldn't concentrate one bit.

"Come on, Yera. You can do it," I hit my head lightly.

If there's something that brings me joy in life, it's academic validation. I love studying and getting praised for it while passing all of my examinations with not less than 90%. This is why I'm crazy about studying, the results just give me such an amount of satisfaction that I don't care about how harmful my way to it is.

"Maybe some pills could help."

I stood up and went to the drawer I put all my medication in.

Where is it... Where is it...

As I saw a box with "Methylphenidate" written on it, I took it out.

I took a pill and sat back down on my desk. After a while, I noticed that I regained my attention and I could concentrate more.

After a few more hours, I caught a glimpse at the clock and saw that it was almost dinner time so I made my way to the cafeteria downstairs.

Today though, I'll be eating in my room because first of all, I don't want to encounter a certain someone and second of all, I hate sitting alone while everyone's staring at me. People nowadays don't know how to mind their businesses.

When I finished eating, I cleaned everything up, took my medication and got ready for bed. Today was such an awful day, I hope tomorrow's going to be better, now I just have to think positive.

-

The next few days were quite stressful due to all the assignments I had to finish.

Since the day I rejected Jaeyun, he luckily didn't bother me anymore.

Though he wasn't present directly, he was still present in my mind.

Not one hour would go by without me thinking about him and to be honest, I was curious of what he wanted to say.

I know ignoring him is wrong. Maybe there was a plausible explanation why he left and didn't contact me, maybe he just couldn't. However, if that was the case then why did he come back? And most importantly, why does he want to talk to me and clear things up?

I guess that question remains unanswered.

-

The last few days, I've been stressing out way too much. I barely got any sleep, didn't eat as much as I should and the worst of all, I often forgot to take my medication.

But I still assured myself that I was fine, completely healthy, and that maybe I didn't need the medication anymore due to the improvement of my health.

I was on my way to Ryujin's dorm because tomorrow was due to hand in our group work which we've been working very hard on, I must say.

Ryujin's dorm was - to my luck - very close to the boys' dorm so I was praying that I wouldn't encounter Jaeyun.

As I knocked and the door revealed a happy Ryujin, I was relieved. Behind her I could see Jihyo and Kazuha who were also happy to see me.

While we were all working on our finishing touches, I started to feel a pain in my chest.

At first, I ignored it and tried to focus on my work but out of a small pain occurred a big heavy feeling that made me feel like I was suffocating.

I was breathing so hardly that even the girls next to me noticed it.

"Are you okay, Yera?" Kazuha stood there with a worried face.

"What happened?" Jihyo questioned with the same mimic.

"Guys, I think she's having a panic attack," Ryujin blurted, starting to panic too.

No matter how hard I tried to get an answer to their questions, my body was against that idea.

The pain in my chest started to hurt like daggers were being stabbed into my heart.

"Yera, please answer us. How can we help you? Do you have anything we can give you?" Ryujin quivered.

Catching my breath, this was the only thing I could do.

"Go get her a glass of water, please," Ryujin exclaimed while trying to help me calm down.

"It's going to be okay, Yera. Breathe calmly, okay? Here, like I do it," she demonstrated.

After realizing it didn't help, she started to panic even more. "Please tell us, how can we help?"

I had enough. One second lasted like one minute and one minute like one hour. My chest felt like exploding and I hated that feeling, I wanted to get rid of it as fast as possible. I shouldn't have been that stubborn, I should've known that I'm desperate of my medication no matter how much I wanted to deny it.

I had no choice. No matter how much I thought I hated him, I hated this pain inside of my chest even more.

"Jake. Get Jake."

-

author's note: enha are dropping their 1st japanese album soon and they all look so good wth!!!