Tres Ekis

Story 2-Episode 8: atteXo

"Anong sinabi mo?" Biglang lingon ko.

Nagbuntong-hininga ito. Dali-daling nitong kinuha ang mga libro at bag n'ya at saka lumapit sa akin, "Let's talk somewhere else, ok?"

Hinawakan n'ya ako sa kaliwang siko, bago n'ya ako hinatak papalabas ng library.

"Are you trying to tell me you're cheating on your girlfriend too?" nang makalabas na kami ng library.

"I really don't know if you can call that cheating, because I told you, it's quite complicated." Marahan kaming naglalakad.

"If you're in love with someone other than your girlfriend, that's cheating, ok?"
Himinto s'ya sa paglalakad at humarap sa akin. Napahinto rin ako at tumingala sa kanyang mukha.

"I will not expect you to understand, but I'll give you a clue."

"What clue?"

"There was this beautiful woman, who only appear in my dreams since I turned 14." Muli itong nag-umpisang maglakad nang marahan, sumabay naman ako. "I was still very young back then, but I've been seeing my older self with this woman doing..."

Kinakabahan ako pero pinilit kong h'wag magpahalata, "Doing what?"

"Doing a lot of things." Sagot n'ya, bahagyang nakangiti pa. "We go to places I want to go with her, we laugh and talk about anything and everything under the sun, we play, we chase each other near the beach, we make out, we make love just about anywhere we want. We do things you know...things! Things that lovers do."

At first, I thought, he might be referring to me, because of my own weird recurrent steamy dreams with him. But after hearing about his dream? Naka-level up naman pala ang sa kanya. May travel, habulan sa beach, lambingan pa...wow!

"And you're saying you think she a-actually exists?"

"Yeah, something like that but..."

"But what?"

"I can't see her face very clearly." nag-iisip ito nang malalim, "Naaninag ko pero blurry. Ang malinaw lang ay ang katawan n'ya, from neck down. May heart-shaped birthmark siya sa dibdib." Itinuro niya ang kanyang dibdib. "Kaya nga lahat ng mga babaeng nami-meet ko na kaparehas n'ya ng built, tinatanong ko kung may birthmark sila sa dibdib. T-that's why I asked you. I'm sorry if that creep you out."

"S-so are you saying y-you finally found her in the real world?"

"I-I think so. Yes!" Ayokong maging assuming, pero kinabahan ako, "W-where?"

"There was this woman I met in a business luncheon with my Mom. She's a match in almost every description, e-except-of course, for her face. She's has the same height, built, birthmark, graceful movements and name!" Tumawa ito na tila excited na excited pa.

Bigla akong nakaramdam ng panlulumo. So... it wasn't me after all. "A-anong name niya." Nadismaya ma'y hindi ko na lang ipinahalata.

"Dianna."

I froze. My full name is Maria Dianna Sonnehilda Alvaro.

"S-so." Nanginginig ako, "You think you found her huh."

"Yes." His smile went really big, "She's still with someone but they aren't married yet, so here I am, hanging in there. Hoping for the best in the future. Bata pa rin naman kasi kami pareho--though she's a couple of years older. I'm not really in a hurry anyway. Ang mahalaga, I know now that she actually exist. She's real, in full flesh and blood, and not a mere figment of my imagination." He's looking up as if he's mind travelling in the dream world.
"Now," He looked at me, "Can you call that cheating?"

Wala naman kaming relasyon, pero bakit kaya affected na affected ako? I don't know, I don't understand, but I did cry all night kinagabihan. I can't remember how many times I called myself stupid and pathetic--for even considering that my dreams with him have some sort of meaning. The downside of knowing? I am hurting, right down deep inside me, but the upside of that is really, really surprising...I fell asleep that night, the next night and the nights after that...without dreaming about him anymore.

***

"Hey, Madison!" Isang pamiyar na boses sa likuran ko, habang naglalakad ako sa campus. Lumingon ako. It's Eric. Humahangos ito papalapit sa akin.

"Iniiwasan mo ba ako?" nang nakarating na ito sa harapan ko.

"No." I lied.

"Ilang beses na kasi kitang nakikita within the campus since last week. I called you, pero parang hindi mo ako naririnig. Is everything, ok?" His face is so bright...and handsome, as usual.

Copyright ⓒ DyslexicParanoia (Angela Atienza), 2015, All rights reserved.

"H-ha, baka hindi lang kita napansin. I'm sorry, I've been busy."

"Ah, ok. I'm glad to know you're not avoiding me though." Tumawa s'ya.

Sa halip na sumagot, nagsimula na lang ulit akong mag-lakad. Sinabayan naman n'ya ako.

"Ahm, do you remember the woman I told you about three weeks ago?"

I do, but who cares? I don't want to talk about her.

"I stopped dreaming about here since the day we talked. Do think it's because I finally found her?" dugtong n'ya. Nakabungisngis.

I don't know. Who cares?

"Madison." Hinatak n'ya ang braso ko. "What do you think?"

"What do I think about what?" Walang gana kong sagot. Naglakad ulit.

"Do you think that's the reason I stopped dreaming about her?"

Damn it! Ba't ba ako ang tinatanong ng gagong 'to? Hindi ba n'ya nahahalata na hindi ako interesado?

Nagkibit-balikat ako "I don't know, maybe."

"Hey." Hinatak ulit n'ya ako.

"What?" Walang gana akong tumingala sa kanya.

"Depressed ka na naman ba?"

Naiiirita na talaga ako, kaya hindi ko na naitago, "What the fuck do you care?!" Sighal ko, sabay walkout. Hinabol n'ya ako.

"Wuow-wuowww! What's the matter,  Madison? Are you mad at me?"

"No."

"Then wha-"

Huminto ako at tumingalang muli sa kanya. "Stay away from me, will you?!" Dinuro ko ito sa mukha. "From now on, you stay away from me!" Naglakad ako nang mabilis pero...hinabol pa rin n'ya ako.

"What did I do?"

Huminto ulit ko. "You want to know the truth?"

"S-sure." He looks worried.

"Your presence make me sick." Sabi ko nang deretsahan. Nagulat s'ya. "Your positive attitude, your cheerful demeanor, your cool disposition, your face! I'm sick of it! I think life is so full of crap and yet you make it appear that it's the best thing anyone could have? Fuck life! I wish I don't have to go through it. Life suck! Life is a bitch...s-something I wish was never given to to me! I wish I am dead. Can you hear me? Now, back the fuck off and leave me alone!" Itinulak ko s'ya sa dibdib, saka ako humagunot papalayo.

[ITUTULOY]