Just me & you (G!P)

C. 18 - M's POV

I never had a great consideration for the festive period between Christmas and New Year, which indeed I considered days like everyone else. In fact, I was usually a bit annoyed by having to stop at work. This year it is not that my perspective has changed, on the contrary, but I took advantage of the days off to be together with Carina and so basically yes, I really like the Christmas holidays. It is practically from December 23 that we basically live together: Carina in fact spent all these days until New Year's Eve at my house, although in the meantime we still worked a little. Me on weekdays in between, while Carina even had the shift on Christmas Day. I expected to see her live the holidays in a much more compelling way, but as she explained to me one evening in tears, since she lost her mother and her family was destroyed she stopped celebrating anything. In her eyes, however, I have often noticed an aura of suffering, as if she were holding back from being part of the festive atmosphere, just because she thinks she does not deserve it. In the same way I noticed how much she misses having a more intense relationship with her brother, so I decided that my goal for next year is to try to bring them closer together, in the meantime by having her introduce him to me. For now it stiffens again every time the family argument comes to the surface, but slowly I'm trying to get it dissolved. On the other hand, with Carina I want to get serious for real and I think that part of the task of caring for the other is to go and help her where she cannot, as well as viceversa Carina supports me in many aspects of me that for me are still dark and difficult.

It was nice to spend all these days together, from many points of view. It's nice to start leaving pieces of yourself in the other's house. It's nice to wake up hugged in the morning, take her breakfast to bed when we're not in a hurry and be able to indulge in intense morning sex sessions that are my favorites. It's nice to shower together because we're late, ending up being even more late. It is nice to be tight on the sofa in the evening watching TV, understanding more and more what the tastes of the other are, making fun of us. It's nice to cook together, although she almost always does everything, but I like to see her as the owner of the stove in my house. It's nice to live a daily life, simply: the other day I got excited by myself while I was loading the washing machine and in the middle of my clothes there were some things of hers. I like the relationship we have with our bodies and our sexuality: I feel very comfortable with her, finally I began to look in the mirror and accept myself, because in her gaze I feel recognized and loved. I especially like that we talk a lot, about anything, but above all about our relationship: we are so complicit in telling each other what we like and what we don't like in sex, in not being afraid to reject the other when you don't want to; at the same time it is nice to establish the boundaries of our relationship with respect to the things that bother us with each other, it is nice to modulate our jealousies and thoughts thanks to the comparison with the other person. In the wake of these great confrontations that we have, we decided together to spend the New Year's Eve night at her house. It is comfortable for a matter of space, it is comfortable because they will be mostly friends of Carina, even if there will be some of my friends. But it is especially convenient for Carina because, in her own words, she has less to worry about. And when she says so, she means neither the kitchen nor the tablecloth of the holidays.

In recent times, in fact, although we have never really fought, a form of insecurity has made its way into me that is expressed in a big jealousy. In particular, I have directed all my jealousy in the people she frequents the most, which is absurd, because it is obvious and clear to everyone that they are just beautiful friendships. Yet if someone looks at her more than necessary on the street, I get annoyed, but it passes me almost immediately; if, on the other hand, she laughs more at a joke of Amelia, than at mine, I enter a vortex of paranoia that has no end. Carina then, exhausted by a discussion about attendance at the New Year's Eve dinner, decided that her home was a safe ground, in which she felt perfectly at ease and could focus her energies all on my management. When she said so I was offended, because I don't think she should handle me like a kindergarten child, but she replied that the very fact that I was offended proved her right, shutting me up.