THE INDIFFERENT LUNA 1 - Austan wolf

CHAPTER 32

I staggered towards the camp dejectedly my arms still wrapped around my naked chest as I struggled to take in what Rieka had just said.

I was a murderer and I was going to continue to murder in cold blood until I finally killed Layla and Eric. Even now, while they were not here, the people who had hurt me were still ruining my life.

"So the nightmares aren't going to top?" I asked Rieka weakly

"I don't think it would Silveen. It was the real trigger of the blood rage. It was only kept at bay because I was locked in by a spell." she explained and just then I wished Kira had never broken the concealing spell but even then the nightmares wouldn't have stopped.

Even while I recuperated in that tiny room, I still remember having nightmares every night. Until Rieka took over.

"But when you were in charge. The dreams, they stopped."

"That is because unlike you I do not ignore and try to suppress my anger and desire for revenge. I bring everything that poses a threat to me under judgment." she said and I stopped in my tracks. I didn't know where I was going, I was just letting my feet lead me to God knows where.

"So what you mean to say is, the only way to prevent this from happening is if I submit to my rage. If I do not my subconscious would force me to?" I asked as tears filled my eyes.

"Yes or better still, we can go find that bitch and kill her."

"It won't be that easy. I am not strong enough." I argued

"Isn't that why we are following the dark mistress to her lair?"

"Yes but this__this changes everything."

"I don't understand,"

"I can't go with her. Rieka."

I had always thought all the anger and rage that pulsed through me was caused by Rieka. I had thought she was the reason I loved the feeling but in the end, it was me. I had killed those animals, I had let her kill those animals in winter hollows. I had been doing nothing but fighting my own true nature all this while. I was an Austan wolf after all

How foolish I was to have thought I could control everything when I took control from Rieka. I couldn't. I would just bring them all to harm. What if I attacked them? What if____

"Silveen!" I heard someone shout my name from afar followed by various shouts of my name.

They were looking for me and I had unconsciously been following the path I had taken in my dreams back to them.

"We should go to them." Rieka said.

"No. I have caused enough trouble. I am going back to winter hollows." I said as I began to walk in another direction

"There is nothing there for us, we would do nothing but expand boundaries when we get there." Rieka said.

"I would be in charge. There would be no expansion."

"Yeah. Like you were in charge last night?" she fired back and I stopped in my tracks. "If we subject ourselves to your nightmares just because you are too scared to face the world, you would create something worse than what I have done in winter hollows." she said and I busted into tears.

Yes, I wanted to be strong and powerful and feared and reborn but I didn't want to be a killer. I didn't want to take life like it wasn't worth anything.

"What would you have me do then?" I asked Rieka

"Talk to the dark mistress. She's like us remember? She would know what to do to help us in this situation. Let's go back to them Silveen. We can't keep running. This is who we are now."