Years of goodbyesBy: A.C.Norambuena

Chapter 15

About a month had already passed, it was Monday February 15 and I had a class with Joaquin that day.

He and I weren't official but pretty much the whole school knew we liked each other and all that. That day I couldn't wait for Spanish, since Joaquin and I always did things together (no kisses or anything like that) but that day was different when he entered the class I got up and went to say hello but he just ignored me , which was weird but I didn't mind, maybe I was having a bad day, or so I thought. It wasn't the first time that had happened, I mean when I was in a bad mood I would kind of ignore people too, so I got it.

I kept trying to talk to him but whenever he saw me he will walked away or acted as if I wasn't there, I even tried to ask Daniel what was going on but he just looked at me with a sad face and left, I thought maybe the next day Joaquin I would be better and pay attention to me, at least a little, so I waited. I mean at least say a hi to me.

Ok it's a new day, maybe today he's probably fine and he will talk to me I thought. But the day was the same as the previous one, Joaquin didn't talk to me, and neither did his friends but it seemed as if they felt bad for me or something. There was only one thing that changed that day.

When I was walking to B7 I saw a girl who starts running towards where Joaquin was, I thought it was nothing until the girl jumped into Joaquin's arms, at that moment everything became clear, I was just a game for him, he just used me, and while I thought about all that I felt how something inside me changed, something broke.

It felt like someone stuck a knife in my chest, I felt a kind of throbbing and it didn't stop. It got worse and worse, but somehow I was able to recover and although I was in a lot of pain I stood up straight and walked past them acting like I did not care. But I looked to the side a bit and saw the look of concern on his face as I walked past him.

I already knew what Joaquin was hiding but I wanted him to tell me himself, and even if he didn't want to, I was going to achieve it, and the truth was that it was faster than I expected.

At the end of the day I decided to tell my mom that I missed the bus so I could stay and talk to him.

Which worked, I had 40 minutes to get Joaquin to talk to me. First I went to Mr. Leon to see if he was there, and he wasn't there. I went to see outside the school. He wasn't there either. I didn't know where else to look but suddenly I thought Mrs.Golden, I went to mrs. Golden and if he was there, he seemed so happy. After standing outside for a while I decided to go in. When Joaquin turned around like Mrs. Golden I don't know how but I had enough courage to say "Joaquin, can we talk?"

"Yeah"

We both walked out of the class but stayed in the hallway facing Mrs.Golden's window.

"Well what do you need?"

"Do you know a girl named Savanna?"

Joaquin's face was disfigured but he said "Yeah, why?"

"What is she to you?"

"Why do you ask?"

"Just answer"

"But why?"

"Because I want to know Joaquin, just because of that"

I don't know if he got tired or something but I noticed how his face changed between angry and sad "Are you going to tell me or not?"

"Well, do you really want to know?"

"Obviously why do you think I'm asking you?"

"Well she's my girlfriend, there"

"Yeah, I know"

Joaquin looked at me with a strange face and said "So why did you ask?"

"Because I want to hear it come out of that little mouth of yours"

Joaquin laugh and said

"I remember that phrase"

"Yeah I do too"

We both look at each other for a few seconds but after another few seconds I turn to leave but stop and say "Can I just ask you one more question?"

"Yeah, I mean I don't think it matters"

"Were the things you said true?"

"what?"

I turned around to look him in the eye when he replied "All the things you told me, all the things you said, were they true?"

"What things"

"Do you want me to refresh your memory?"

"Yes please"

"Well let's start with this, you told me that you loved me, you told me that there was no one like me, you made so many promises and I want to know if any of that was true or if you were just using me" I felt tears coming out of my eyes while saying those things

"I- I"

"JUST TELL ME, was something true or was I just a fucking game to you"

The only thing I could see on Joaquin's face was sadness but I didn't care, right know I did not care about Joaquin's feelings "Amaya I don't know if I-"

"Come on, Joaquin, just tell me, I mean, you've already hurt me, how much more damage can you do?"

"Well, fine you where just a game"

I could feel the tears falling down my cheeks and I couldn't make them stop "Ok, well I have to go"

"Amayita wait"

"DON'T ever call me that again"

While I was leaving I didn't let him see how much he hurt me, besides he had already seen me cry and that was enough.

At home things did not get better, you could say that my grades were not the best and Joaquin always distracted me in class, also in recent months, in addition to not having much money, I began to have some very strange dreams, in which I saw my grandfather, he was happy but suddenly he went away and no one could find him, the truth is I did not understand the dream but it made me feel sad, it was really weird. This and many other things made me not concentrate and have bad grades.

When I got home my mom and dad told me to sit at the table and my mom said

"Alana, how are your grades?"

"Don't know"

"Well today your mom got a gmail from all your teachers practically saying that you have F's"

"Well I'm sorry"

"Yes I know you're going to feel sorry, you're grounded"

"But I-"

"You nothing, you are not going to go out with your friends, you are not going to go to activities that are not identifiable and not movies, nothing, when you get home from school you are going to eat and you are going to sit down to do homework"

I no longer cared what was happening, I said I already knew it was a disappointment for my parents but what could I do. After a while and a very long conversation I went to my room, I sat on the floor and suddenly I started hitting my head against the wall, I didn't understand why but it was the only thing that stopped me from crying, the last thing I remember is that I fell asleep

I don't know how much time passed but when I woke up my arm was on fire, it hurt so much, when I looked at my arm I realized that it was full of scratches, the good thing was that they weren't cuts just scratches, then I remembered, hitting my head was not enough so I started to scratch myself And then I got so tired that I fell asleep.

Then I thought Wow today my heart got broken and I hurt myself haha, what a day to remember.