Is It Love?

Chapter Forty Eight

Lily's POV

It felt like a dream, one where you'd never want to wake up. Where it felt so real you mourned when you've awakened. But it wasn't a dream, it was real life. I was actually looking at her with the morning sun shining at us. I was laying in her lap while she played with my hair. Someone pinch me. This is a dream.

She smiles down at me, her cheeks pink. Her fingers left my hair to trace my face.

"Your eyes are my favorite part of you, you know?"

I close my eyes, smiling, "Mhm, really?"

"Yeah," she confirms, "they're like the best part of the ocean, so blue."

"Don't flatter me now, I'll blush."

"That's the point."

We smile at each other as she leans down, her face a centimeter away. But then we hear a knock at the door before the handle turns seconds later. She leaned back up in time, but Ms. Cunning could see me still in her lap. She gives us a knowing look but doesn't mention it. I'm grateful for that, we don't know how to explain it to someone yet.

"I'm going to brunch with Tom, be on your best behavior please?"

"We will mom, don't even worry. Have fun."

She squints her eyes at us, but turns around and closes the door anyway. When we look back at each other we laugh, "She knows,"

"Oh 100%"

Rea goes back to playing with my hair, twisting the little pieces around her fingers. I sigh into her touch, letting my eyes close. "We should talk, you know?"

She sighs, twisting a new piece. "I know."

I open one of my eyes to peek at her, catching her attention. "So..."

"I've done a lot of the talking, can you start? Please?"

She looks at me, pleading. I lean up, off her lap. "Okay. I can do that."

I stay quiet, trying to figure out what I'm going to say, because you know, this is kind of a big fucking deal. I pick at my cuticles in an attempt to stall. Rea's hand cups over my own, giving me a small squeeze.

"Okay, so like, you probably meant to talk about the other thing, I'll get to that, but I need to apologize for this. I'm sorry for threatening you with your journal yesterday. It was uncalled for and unfair. I don't have an excuse, other than I wasn't thinking. I just wanted some leverage, and I started to feel like I was losing. Now that I look back at it, I was too scared to tell you why I was mad, and I didn't know how to handle it. I know the whole thing was my fault, I refuse to blame it on you anymore. I have problems, I know, and I'm going to try to get better. It's not fair to you that I can't handle my emotions, it's not my fault either, but I can change it. And I'd change for you, I would Rea. I would do anything for you."

I took a deep breath, realizing I forgot to do that while I was speaking. It was all kind of falling out of my mouth. She's looking at me with this look of adoration, eyes studying my face. "I thought you forgot you did that."

I almost laugh, "Forgot? Not even close, it's been nagging at me since last night. I'm so fucking sorry."

"I was really hurt by it, but I get it. And I'm really glad you can recognize what you did."