Is It Love?

Chapter Forty Six

Rea's POV

2 days later

This visit can a thousand percent be classified as better than our first visit. There's not a single drop of awkward just-met tension. There might be some hidden I-have-feelings-for-you tension but that's fairly normal. We spent the entirety of yesterday watching movies with my mom in the living room. I can tell Lily feels safe with her.

But that leads us to today, where our comfort has skyrocketed. We don't have problems complementing each other in ways that make you question if that was platonic, and last night when I woke up Lily was cuddled into my side and her hair was stuck to her forehead from sweat.

But there comes a line where my feelings can't take anymore, and I think we might have crossed it.

I lay on her lap in my bed watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. I cuddle my cheek into her hand, a smile threatening to take over. I had just realized the movie had been paused when I saw her staring at me with a small look of adoration on her face. She moves her hand to cup my jaw instead, pointing my head to look up at her.

"You're so pretty."

Her voice is soft, softer than she's ever talked to me before.

The feeling of her hand cupping my jaw, holding me so close, suddenly became too much. It feels too real for me, and I can't. Not right now. I shift away from her touch, her hand dropping from the distance. Her face twists into slight confusion. I mutter a pathetic sound of, "I can't," before I turn away from her, but I can feel her stare into my side. The silence is eating at me, but it's better than the chance of talking about it.

I know I'm the one who made this awkward, I could've just gone along with it, but the feeling was something I wasn't ready for.

She clears her throat, "Are you okay?" she questions, her hand resisting to sit over my own.

"What do you mean you can't?"

"Just forget I said anything, it's fine."

"Rea.."

I cross my arms, "Can you unpause the movie?" She shakes her head and shifts closer, moving the remote behind her.

"No no, I want you to talk to me for once."

I scoff, irritation filling over my emotions out of nowhere. "For once? I talk to you all the time."

"No, I talk to you all the time, you're always in your head, or writing your feelings in that journal, just talk to me."

"No. Leave it, give me the remote."

"Stop shutting me out! I can see you're upset, I can see the fact you're uncomfortable, tell me what I did."

I shift further away. The distance is burning, but I refuse to talk. I can't.

"Tell me."

"Just shut up Lily! Please! I'm not saying something I can't take back."

"I can take it." she breathes.

"No, you can't—" I suck in air, trying to keep myself upright, "And even if you could. I don't think I can."

"What does that even mean Rea?"

Her eyes are burning into me. Why must I do this? Why did I have to ruin it?

"Just- leave it. Let's watch the movie."

"Andrea, if you keep doing this, I'm going to scream."