Is It Love?

Chapter Forty Seven

Rea's POV

The feeling of not being able to pinpoint where this anger came from is the most drowning feeling ever. She looks at me with fire in her eyes, the kind where she could just curl up and scream.

"Just shut up! You twisted my words!"

I almost jolted from her yelling, but I know her and I know why she's reacting like this. I know she doesn't want to accept whatever is happening in her brain, but I wish she would. I wish she didn't have to be so defensive about it. "I didn't twist your words, Lily, I'm just stating the facts."

"There aren't any facts to state, to me it sounds like you're more pulling this out of your ass."

I take a breath and shrug. "Okay," I say, turning to walk away. I can hear her throw her hands up in frustration. "Where are you going? Are you really walking away right now?"

I roll my eyes but turn around to face her, her cheeks are red and her breathing is a second too fast. "Well you won't give me a straight answer on why the hell you're so upset so I'm not gonna sit here and beg. You can come and talk when you're ready."

I know how annoying it can be, I know what she's feeling, it's jealousy. I felt it daily when Violet was in the picture, but I didn't lash out, and I know she's under different circumstances because of her past, but I'm not going to just sit here and be yelled at because she can't pinpoint her feelings.

"No! You aren't walking away! Just stay and talk to me!"

"Lily, I'm not talking when I have no fucking idea what you're upset about."

The back and forth is exhausting, but it's her, so I wouldn't trade it for everything. That's my flaw, her emotion processing might be hers but I'm not perfect either.

"I'm upset about everything! You're just so close with her and how do I know you won't replace me?"

"Lily, you can't be replaced! Hannah is just a friend!"

"I'm just a friend too, so I could be."

"Why do you do this! Just listen to me, I'm the one in my head, and I'm telling you that you guys are separate, stop worrying." I run my hands through my hair, getting angrier the longer I sit here. I want to be civil but it's so fucking hard when she won't understand she's the only one I would want. I can't directly tell her that, but I wish she'd realize.

"Well, I don't know what's in your head! You won't ever tell me!"

This again, such a hypocritical line. She acts as she lets me into hers.

"I can't tell you because you do this every time! You just think of every single possible outcome and back out, Lily, I get why you do it, but you can't ever look at what's in front of you, and I'm not risking my composure for you to walk away."

She looks at me in a hurtful way. I hate saying it but she's too scared for what I have to say, even if she feels the same.

"I'm not gonna walk away! Why do you keep saying that? I literally don't understand why you think whatever you could say would make me do that."

"Because I know you, Lily, I know how you are and how you react. I've been your best friend for a long time, stop acting like I don't know you."

"You pretend I'm a terrible person."

That sets fire in my bloodstream. I knew I said or implied that. It's unfair. "Now who's the one twisting whos words?"

She throws her hands up again, huffing and squatting down to put her head in her hands. "Do you think I'm a bad person?"