Is It Love?

Chapter Thirteen

Lily's POV

This feeling.

This empty, lonely feeling was consuming me again.

I was laying down, it was some later point in the night. It could be 2 am or 4 am, who knows.

It feels like I'm an empty, scrapped out container someone used to make brownie batter? But once they moved it to a new container, and they just left me to the side. So I was just left there, empty and alone.

I also don't know why I can't sleep.

I want to, I just want to escape my mind.

Fuck I would want to feel like a fucking donut before I would want to feel this.

Why am I comparing my pain to food again? I don't know. All I know is I thought life was finally getting better and now I've circled back to this.

I feel so alone.

Like I was drowning in a kid pool while everyone I know is watching outside it.

Laughing.

Seeing how pathetic I was.

Seeing me how I see myself.

I thought distracting myself with a new friend could make this stop, how stupid I am.

This will never go away, it's stuck to me no matter how much I wish it wasn't.

The laughing, the smiles, everything. The pain stopped because of a distraction. But distractions never stay.

I find my phone. It takes a second but then I feel the coldness of it from being untouched for so long. The bright light from the screen made me shut my eyes before they adjusted.

Friday, November 6th

3:21 AM

I open Rea's contact and go into her texts, I mean texting her won't do any harm right?

Sent

Have you ever felt like a scrapped out brownie batter bowl?

I put my phone back down. That makes zero sense. I wouldn't be surprised if she just ignored it. Or what if she's sleeping? What if I'm b-

Ding

Well, that's my phone, she texted back.

Received

What?

Well, I knew she would be confused. I look up and huff, thinking of what to say. I just decided to let it go.

Sent

Nothing, goodnight love you.

After I sent it I closed the tab and turned off my phone, throwing it across my bed because I have no more need for it. But once it's off and I'm left in the dark again. And now I'm just restless. I can go through old pictures maybe? It wouldn't hurt. Maybe it would pass time and I could fall asleep.

I lean over and grab my phone again, turning it on and opening it. I go into my photos. I scroll a random amount down, wanting to relive random moments I've forgotten. I'm flipping through, it's either random school pictures or screenshots of random things. Some made me laugh because I screenshotted the most unnecessary things.

But after scrolling for a while I came across this certain screenshot.

It's the first text between me and Rea.

It was just her reaching out because we followed each other but, who knew.

I keep looking and I see screenshots of face times, but this once seems familiar. Why am I coming across so many memorable pictures about Rea? This was also one of our first facetimes.

We acted close before we even knew each other.

*flashback*

"Well...hello?" I say, trying to break the awkward first conversation vibes. She laughs, "I don't know why this is awkward, We've talked every day this week on text."

"I can't really make conversation in real-time." I laugh. "Well, that makes two of us. Anyway, to break the ice do you want a room tour?"

"That sounds like a great idea." I agree.

"Okay but I do change my room a lot more than the normal person so if it's different in a week, don't be surprised."

Her camera moves from her picking it up, I can see her walls while she attempts to flip the camera. When it's straight I see a bed that has a black frame, with off-white fluffy bedding.

"So this is my bed, also known as the love of my life." I laugh, her hand presents it, but the camera then shifts to the table next to it. "This is my bedside table." It's off-white like the bedding and it has a weirdly shaped lamp on top of it. Plus a picture and a plant.

Her hand points to the solid black shelves above the side table, "these are my random shelves. I put pretty much whatever looks best on them." Her camera looks up, showing a string of lights. "I turn these on when I read or do homework. Uh, hold on."

She sets her phone down, showing her ceiling and I hear shuffling in the background, but she picks her phone back up and I see a big mirror. "This is my mirror, this spot of my room was messy so I threw my clothes in my hamper." She jokingly posed in the mirror making me smile.

She had an all-black dresser that matched the shelves and frame. Her room was nice.

The camera flips back to her, "okay that's it. Nothing special about my room."

"I love it. I think it's cool and I like how you match the colors." She smiles and jokingly puts her hand over her head acting flattered. "Well thank you-" a door opens in the background and she looked at it, "hey mom what's up?" She leans the phone to look back at the ceiling again. I get up and get my cup of water while she's talking to her mom. There's light chatter, nothing I'm paying attention too when I then hear Rea repeating 'mom no give it back' and the camera moving to show a brunette woman, who I assume to be her mother.

"Oh, no one I know! Oops! Hello anyway, what is your name sweetheart." I hear Rea say 'give it back' again,

"I'm Lily," she smiles, "Oh lovely, I'll let you go now, sorry to interrupt." I smile back at her, "oh it's fine, nice to meet you.'' She then gives the phone back to Rea, who keeps it on her face but she's looking towards her doorway. When I hear the click from the door she looks back at me and shakes her head, she forms her lips into a line and tries not to laugh, but when I do she can't help it.

While laughing she says, "well you met my mom for the first time, that's enjoyable?"

"She seems nice." She tilts her head a little, "she's the best."

*flashback end*

I was always good with her mom, I mean she's the sweetest person ever. I don't know why I always felt like I could trust Rea. it just felt different with her.

I feel a little better now. At least now I can sleep.  

***

I've been slow on chapters but here you go, not too sad. 

Goodnighty

Remember to drink water and eat something :) 

*head pat*