Most Wanted

Chapter 21

"And open your eyes,"  Ulla said, removing her hands from his eyes.

Varian blinked and gasped.  "My water heaters?"

"Yep!  I installed them in the castle.  I knew you wanted them out into the world as soon as possible.  We even put them under your name, see?  Anyone who as heard of these water heaters know your name!"

Sure enough, on a plack on the heaters was written in golden letters.  'Varian H²O Heaters'.  It was a simple name for the heaters, but it had been what he had scribbled down before he had to leave to become Mazouwi's concubine.

"Oh, wow!  They're better than I imagined!"

"I did have to redesign the heaters a little to release more steam," Ulla added.  "But we kept it as close to your work as humanly possible."

"No, it's better.  Thank you, this means so much to me."  Varian beamed, hugging her.

"See, you've been making a difference, even over here in Corona where you've never laid foot," Ulla said proudly.  Varian smiled at these words.

"You know, you came at an interesting time," Ulla continued

"What do you mean?"

"The day Corona celebrates love is this week.  We're having a celebration for three days.  There's also a book where we get to sign your name with the love of your life.  It's a fun tradition the Coronans do."

"Really?"

"I thought you'd might like to know."  Ulla smiled innocently.

"Mom, we're not that far off.  I love him, but I'm not sure if I love love him... am I making any sense?  God, I sound stupid, don't I."

His mother laughed.  "No.  That makes perfect sense.  I understand.  Don't rush things.  Take your time.  I just didn't know how far along the lines you were."

"We've slept together a couple times-no sex!-but we haven't even kissed yet..."  Varian wrang his hands.  "I'm nervous."

"Yeah, love can be scary at first," Ulla agreed.

"That's not exactly the problem.  What if I hate it?"

"What?"

Varian glanced down at the floor as he wrapped his arms around himself.  "These past two years... I've done nothing more than be a prostitution to that... fucking slut of a creep...  I hated every moment of it."

Ulla set her hands on Varian's shoulders.  "Son, you hated it because you hated him.  You didn't get a choice in it, but there is no pressure.  Never do it until you are ready.  It may take time, it may take years.  Varian, I know it may be hard to admit, but are you traumatized by what happened?"

"Traumatized..." Varian echoed.

"Honey, I would be shocked if you're anything less than traumatized.  The amount of shit that devil put you through... Varian, you are the strongest person I have ever met."

He looked up at her in surprise by the last part.

"It's true," she continued.  "It's ok to not be ok, son.  You don't have to pretend that nothing happened because it did.  It all happened, and you have feelings about what happened.  Don't hide it or redirect those feelings.  Blue, no one is going to blame you if you need to step back from something if you're uncomfortable.  Remember, you are your own person.  Not his slave.  If you don't want to do something, say 'to hell with it' and step away.  You get to decide what you do and no one else.  Remember that.  Remember that you are free to be who you chose to be."

Varian wiped a stray tear from his cheek as his lips trembled.  "Thank you.."

"I love you, Varian.  I couldn't be more proud of you."  She hugged him.

"I love you too."  He hugged her back.  "But..."

"But?"

"That nickname... Blue.  Can you not call me that anymore.  It's what he called me, and it stirs memories every time you say it..."

"Oh!"  She looked slightly disappointed, but quickly hid it.  Of course the man had stolen her nickname for her baby. "Of course.  I understand."

"Thank you."