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IS THAT MARK RUFFALO FROM 13 GOING ON 30? (AKA ABSOLUTELY DO NOT STAND BY ME) parody warning! light mentions of suicide IT'S BEEN A YEAR??? okay wow! first of all, i want to say thank you to all of you for reading and voting on my stories and making this one of the top gnr imagines books! i can't express how grateful i am for everything and i hope to continue my stories further! note that as this one-shot is a parody, allmisspellings and grammar mistakes areon purpose ✟
My name is Y/N Rose and I am married to world-famous rockstar Alex Ross from Friends. I'm so happy I married him because he's so patient and understanding, which is why I decided to go out on a date with one of his best friends. I'm such a good girlfriend, at least that's what the card on the flowers I bought myself says.
"Oh, Slashy I had such a wonderful time!" I twirled out of the car as Slash suddenly yelped in pain.
"OOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
"What happened?!"
"I thlamed my penith in the car door!"
"You slammed your penis in the car door?!" I cried out in shock and disgust.
"I'll be fine, I use a strap on anyways. But I'm glad you had a good time! Now get ready to have a bad time."
"A bad time? Is Sans here?"
"Worse. Your husband is home."
"That must be why I hear Love and Marriage by Frank Sinatra playing."
"Oh Y/N Y/N," Slash put his ten-pound, calloused and cum soaked hands on my shoulders. "You're nowhere near as sexy as Katey Segal! And you never will be!" He smiled. "Well good night!"
"Goodnight!!!" I walked inside my very expensive mansion house that I bought with Axl's money. Actually this seems like a great time to tell you how we met. You see I needed some money WORD REDACTED WHITE AUTHOR, cuz the FUCK WAS I GONNA DO WITH TWO HUNNIT?! WUS NOT CLICKIN' STEVEN?! And my best friend since retirement Steven Adler introduced me to his friend Axl, who introduced me to Axl, whose cousin was Axl. When I first met Axl he told me I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, asked me to marry him and told me if I said no he'd shoot himself with the gun he had in his car (this actually happened btw) so obviously, I said yes because his car was a Lambo which meant he was rich! We got married in November of last year but unfortunately, it started raining during the reception and everyone started running away comedically and at some point during the ceremony, some jackass started playing some stupid solo on his guitar. To this day I still can't figure out who it was. Anyway, I'm worse than Stephanie Seymour, but I'm you so you should go reconsider your life choices. Is money really worth the mental torment of a man who was never loved as a child? Saying yes doesn't make you a radical feminist, it makes you a horrible human being, and I use the term "human being" very loosely.
Anyway, when I stepped inside the house I saw Axl hanging from the ceiling like an orangutang.
"Y/N?! Where were you?! It's been three minutes!" He screeched.
"I was out with Slash!" I quivered anxiously.
"You were out with someone that isn't me?! UNACCEPTABLE CONDITIONS. UNACCEPTABLE! Everyone knows that I wasn't actually like this back in the day I was actually a really nice guy but got pissed off easily because of my bipolar disorder but because toxicity is so normalized in the romance genre and extreme jealously is consider to be 'hot' now, I have to get ANGRY!" Axl roared and his sickly pale skin started to turn a disgusting shade of green. I watched his veins throb as his anger grew, as did his muscles which tore his ridiculous outfit apart. When his transformation was complete he grabbed our glass coffee table and threw it in my direction. "AXL SMASH!"
"Oh no! Our table! It's broken!" I cried out in shock. But just as Axl was about to throw my hardcover copy of Rodney Dangerfield's memoir at me, Slash burst through the wall wearing a very large and intimidating suit of armour.
"OH! YOU'VE GABA'D YOUR LAST GOOL!"
"Slash! Your outfit! It's awful! You should feel bad about yourself for wearing it!"
"It's not an outfit, it's a Hulkbuster! And I'm gonna kick your ass!" He pointed towards the Inaxlable Hulk.
"bet"
Every punch Axl threw, Slash returned with as much if not more force. It got to a point however where they kept aiming for each other's dicks, and instead of punching, they were jerking each other off passionately. It was then that I realized that Axl never turned into the Incredible Hulk and Slash wasn't wearing the Hulkbuster, the edibles I had taken earlier had simply kicked in, and I was now watching my husband cheat on me with the man I was cheating on him with.
"Hey, can I get in on this?"
"You'd think so but no." Slash moaned loudly as Axl suckled his penis which he slammed in the car door.
