Camp Criminal (NSFW)

Chapter 47

Okui paused at Shusaku's question.

"I think I do." He finally said.

"You think...?" Shusaku asked.

Okui laid on his back and stared up at the bottom of the bed above them. "I like how talkative and outgoing you are. I like how understanding you are. You've accepted me for who I am when others may have judged and ridiculed me. I think you're cute when you blush. Having sex and being with you... makes me happy." He turned his head to look at Shusaku. "So I think I like you."

Shusaku stared back at him. So that's what he's been thinking... What does he think about Okui...? He looked away from his eyes to think.

"...I guess I feel like you should be yourself and do what makes you comfortable because I would like to be able to do the same. I.. haven't been honest with those close to me... about the fact that I'm... I'm gay... I'm afraid of what they might think and if they might... abandon me... But I've always wished that I could be true to myself and not worry about that..."

He met Okui's eyes again. "And I think you're a nice person. I enjoy having sex and... being with you... I think maybe I want more too but... I'm afraid..."

"Afraid of what?" Okui asked.

Shusaku knew he had to tell the whole story now. He laid on his back next to Okui, their arms touching. "Well... I... I've had a couple bad experiences... I liked this boy when I was younger, but... He was repulsed by two guys being in a relationship. He hated that I liked him. And when my parents heard about my crush, they didn't seem thrilled either. I was so young when it felt like my world was crashing down around me just because of my sexuality.

"I tried to deny everything about myself. I tried to like girls. I put myself in a group of straight men... hoping that they might rub off on me. But it never worked. I was put in awkward situation after awkward situation with girls who were interested in me. But I couldn't be interested in them. At least not in a romantic or sexual way. When it became too much, I tried to hook up with men in secret... And it finally felt right.

"After that, I tried to accept who I was. But I still wanted to hide my true self from others. I managed to get my heart broken another time... but I don't like to think about that time. At least I never told him I liked him so when we never met up again, it was fine... I'm just afraid to love someone again. What if it doesn't work out? What if my heart gets broken once more? How can I go on when I'm always wondering if I'll ever be able to find true love?"

Silence stretched between them after Shusaku finished his story. Shusaku closed his eyes and quietly sighed. What will Okui think of this? Will he rethink his feelings?

"It's true that you never know what'll happen in the future." Okui finally said. Shusaku looked at him. He was only looking up. "But I prefer to live in the moment. I'd rather not worry about what may or may not happen in a future I can't predict. I'm just here now in the present and I want to let myself be led by my desires. Of course it would be ideal if I could find the perfect partner and just know we'll be together forever, but that's not very realistic. The future is so unknown."

Okui turned his head to meet Shusaku's dark green eyes. "All I know is that right now I want to be with you. I want to hold you and kiss you. I want to make you feel good. I want to make you smile. Right now all of that sounds right to me. I know you're afraid, but... can't we give it a try?"

Shusaku stared back at him. "...really? You really want to?"

"Yes."

"You're fine with me?"

"I want you."

Shusaku suddenly wrapped his arms around his neck in a hug. The future is unknown... but if it's the present, if it's right here with Okui, and if it feels good... I think I'm willing to give it a try... he thought to himself.