Only a matter of time

Hopeless

                               YOUR POV
Slowly weeks turned into a month and that month turned into 3. Wanda still called everyday and Tony called every now and then along with Maria. Things here in Wakanda were amazing but it always felt like something was missing or someone. I thought about Natalia everyday, she was like a drug I constantly craved every second of every day. At times I wondered if she thought of me too. But a metal device thrown at my head brought me out of my thoughts. "Ow! The fuck was that for!" I yelped in pain. "I need you to test out the new suit ideas." Shuri explained. "Could've just asked politely." I mumbled while rubbing the back of my head. "I did. But you were too busy dreaming about your love life." She shot back. "How'd you know?" I questioned. She gave me a 'really?' look. "Your body language changes to a more tense form and your eyes glow a little." She said nonchalantly. "Oh." I responded. "What exactly do you need me to do?" Changing the subject. "Strike that design but not super hard." She instructed. "Easy peasy lemon squeezey." I said confidently. I walked over to a plain Black Panther suit and hit it and it flew back a few feet. "You dumbass! Not that hard!" She squealed. "I did what you asked!" I defended myself. She quickly scrambled to pick up the prototype and put it back in place. I noticed that the suit was glowing purple and the Vibranium was untouched. "How'd you do that?" I asked without taking my eyes off of it. "It's this new tech that can reproduce the power that's put in and reciprocate it." She stated. "Cool. Can we look at my suit now?" I said enthusiastically. Shuri just rolled her eyes at me that I could never just stick to one thing. "Sure I've been interested in your ideas anyways." She said nonetheless. "Yes! My suit definitely is the coolest." I said playfully. "I doubt that but it's definitely one of the good ones." She responded. You were working on a nanotechnology suit that was black with gold accents. It was like your old suit just more of a one piece instead of multiple. It looked a lot like T'Challa's but instead of the whole head covering piece it only covered your eyes and ears for your comms. "Your suit is sound proof and we've made all arrangements compatible with your fighting style. The only problem is the regeneration for the nanotechnology." Shuri stated while pulling my suit out for display. "What if we decrease the durability by 15%? Would it help with regeneration?" I suggested while looking at a pad that had all the information. "That's a possibility but there would complications when you run." She sighed heavily. I groaned in annoyance at how difficult this was with the smartest person on the planet. "We'll figure it out." She reassured me. "I know we will but hopefully it doesn't take to long." I mumbled just enough for her to hear me. "Can we look at my Trident again?" I questioned moving on from my suit. "Yes! I actually think the Trident is ready." She stated excitedly. We both quickly moved across the lab to where my Trident was placed in a special spot. I pulled out the silver Trident that was a little heavier than the first one because of the new modifications we place in. "I still have no idea why you don't want a Vibranium one. Why  Adamantium?" T'Challa chimed in as he entered the lab. "The heavier it is means the more power I put into it, the more likely I am to throw it through someone." I snorted like it was funny but they both seemed to be a little creeped out. "They're bad guys who cares." I scoffed in annoyance. "Yeah no, we know. Just seems a little dark." T'Challa shifted uncomfortably. "Can I test it out in the training room?" I asked ignoring his comment. "Actually why not try it in the simulation room that way we can evaluate your brain activity as well." Shuri suggested. "I don't care where we do it just as long as I get to do something." Coming out a little harsher than intended. "Sorry." I apologized quickly. "It's ok Y/n let's go." T'Challa responded while patting me on the back.

"I think the double spikes on both ends when I switch to 'Twin' mode is honestly the best." I stated while stepping out of the simulation. "It works really well for you. You took out everyone beating your previous record of 3 minutes with 70 simulations." T said proudly. (His nickname.) "Also the 'Double' mode is one of your bests. The splitting in half working like swords are impeccable." Shuri complimented. "Well it's all thanks to you both." I shot back. I couldn't help but feel sad that I didn't get to share these achievements with my team, my family. My mood seemed to switch all together while my Trident retracted into a small staff that could be held on the back of my suit when it was finished. "Y/n are you alright?" T questioned concern written all over his face. "Yeah just a little home sick I guess." I rubbed the back of neck nervously. "You miss them don't you? Matter of fact you miss her?" T pressured. I nodded my head while hanging it in defeat. "I thought time away would be good but I can't stop thinking about her. And the team, they would love you both and you'd love them all for the most part." I chuckled weakly. "Maybe it's time to go home?" Shuri said sadly. "I want to finish my suit first but you're probably right. How about 1 more week and if we can't figure it out by then I'll leave but I'll come back to visit?" I suggested with a smirk. "Sounds good to me. I better get working so you can hurry up and get out of here." Shuri said with a wink. "Hey! You're the one who was jumping for joy when I got here." I shot back playfully. "Yeah well now you're giving me grey hairs." She rolled her eyes at me. I nudged her playfully and she pushed me back and it quickly turned into T'Challa needing to separate us while laughing uncontrollably.

                            NATASHA POV
I was having a hard time adjusting to everything without Y/n. Everyone became more irritable and it felt like a puzzle piece was missing. I was getting tired of Wanda or Steve constantly checking on me about Y/n. I didn't care anymore, love was merely for children it wasn't real. How could Y/n and I's relationship possibly could've worked out? We were doomed from the start. I don't know why I thought it would've ended any differently or been something. I noticed I was starting to get nightmares again from the Red Room. It had been 2 months of restless nights and late night training sessions to clear my mind. Obviously nothing worked like having Y/n there to comfort me through it but I shouldn't have relied on her so much anyways. That trust should've never been established in the first place because it could be taken away in a second just like how it is now. As much as I didn't want to admit it I missed the fuck outta her. Everyone else seemed too as well because it effected our missions and now they were a lot more complicated than before. Steve and Bucky had to take on more weight since we didn't have as much power as before. Maria had been trying to reach out and I just pushed her away like everyone else as much as I didn't want too. It was easier this way, no one knew what I was ever feeling so it was easier to be upset without anyone noticing. Everything I did just seemed to not be enough. Every little thing reminds me of Y/n. The necklace I never take off and the photos by my nightstand that I didn't have the heart to throw away or put away. I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing. Drowning in my own guilt? Overwhelming feelings of sadness would just wash over me. Or my chest would burn where my heart is when I would think about moments with Y/n. Maybe I made the wrong choice? But how would we ever live without constant worrying? My brain was so overloaded that it was causing me a migraine. I went to the bathroom and popped two pills of Tylenol then walked to the kitchen to get some water. I've been so out of it that I didn't even see Steve sitting at the table eating his lunch. "Is everything alright Natasha?" He spoke up startling me. I quickly composed myself before answering. "Yeah just been a rough day." I replied. He gave me a questioning look before deciding to drop it or so I thought so. "No one ever scares you so come clean." He sighed heavily. I decided that he was always someone to go to for advice. "This isn't working." I sighed deeply while taking a seat across from him. "What isn't?" He asked confused. "I've tried everything to help with moving on but nothing is helping. I feel like I'm drowning." I confessed. He seemed a little taken back by my statement. "Well do you think you made the wrong choice?" He asked. "No for the most part. I just want this inexplainable feeling to go away." I groaned out of frustration. "And what feeling is that?" He questioned genuinely. "This feeling that something is missing and that there's this hole in my heart. Like I'm constantly craving for her like I'm some drug addict. It's exhausting and I don't know how to make it go away." I said nonchalantly. "Nat." He said while placing his hand on top of my own for comfort. "Yeah?" I answered. "That's called love." He stated softly. I quickly pulled my hand away from him and put on my hard exterior before responding. "This isn't helping. Forget I said anything or I'll kill you in your sleep." I threaten before storming off back into my room. I slammed my door behind me locking it, and ran to the bathroom and locking it as well before sliding onto the floor to bawl my eyes out. I can't believe that there's no way to let go of this feeling it's honestly the worst. It's worse than being shot or thrown out of a building. This pain is so bad that even if I could put it into words it still wouldn't even come close to what I was feeling. If this is what love is then I don't want it, nothing would ever compare to this.