Only a matter of time

Mixed Signals

                                YOUR POV
Maria had fallen asleep in your arms after you both talked and she looked so peaceful. She must've been exhausted because she was asleep as soon as her head hit your pillows. I admired her while she slept because she looked so peaceful and finally relaxed. Honestly I didn't even think about getting up to leave her because it didn't feel right but someone always had to ruin something. There was a knock at your door and you internally groaned at how you could never catch a break. To you surprise Natalia was standing at your door. "Nat what are you doing here?" I blurted out while checking to make sure Maria didn't wake up. "We need to talk." She stated in a shaky voice which caused you to panic. Nodding your head you gestured her to walk into the hallway and you closed your bedroom door gently so it didn't wake Maria up. "What's up Nat?" Finally speaking up since you were a good distance from your door. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you about Bucky and I shouldn't have slapped you." Nat rarely apologized but you didn't really want to question it. "Thank you. I need you to understand that I'd never put Bucky in harm's way. I need you trust me Natalia." Using her real name this time knowing it would catch her attention. "How can I? You lied to me when I asked for the truth." Scoffing at you but finally that cat was out of the bag. "I knew this wasn't about Bucky... it's about us. You want closure? Fine, I lied to you and pushed you away to protect you. I do everything and every decision to keep everyone safe. Because I can't lose you or anyone because I finally have something I can hold on too." I stated pouring my whole heart out because it finally was time to let go. "You can be mad at me for all I care Nat but I was just doing what I thought was best. Even if you hate me at least I know you care." You continued which caused there to be an awkward silence between the both of you. "I just wish things didn't have to get this far..." Nat replied with tears in her eyes. "Me too." You responded while looking down at the ground shaking your head. "I don't hate you... even if I say it I don't think I'll ever mean it. I could never hate you." This caused you to look up and see her already staring back at you. Before you could respond she connected her lips with yours. You missed the taste of strawberry on her lips and how soft they were. This was wrong and you hated yourself for not pulling away immediately but finally you did. "Nat-" "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that. Just don't tell Bucky..." She interrupted cutting you off to where you nodded in agreement and went back to your room. As soon as you entered your room you shut the door behind you quietly and made your way to the bathroom to see your eyes had gone back to normal but you were upset. Nat played minds games with you and you knew it. These mixed signals were her way of dragging you down with her. Just when you thought you were moving on and finally breaking to the surface to get air from drowning, Nat was there to pull you back under as far you could go drowning you again. One thing you never wanted was to have your emotions all over the place and that's what was happening right now. Running the water from the sink and splashing it on your face to cool you down you looked back up and your eyes flashed causing the mirror to break. As if things couldn't get any fucking worse now you had to get a new mirror. Hoping to not break anything else you decided to write Maria a note apologizing for leaving her but that you needed time to think about some things and that you were out. No one saw you sneak to the roof and it was for the best. Even though you didn't need to breathe you felt like you were suffocating, so what better way to get air then on top of the Avengers tower. This was all your fault, if you had just been honest earlier none of this would be happening. Now you're conflicted about your feelings for Maria and the ones you've always had for Natalia. Nat is with Bucky and you don't want to come between that. Maria deserves a chance after all, this woman didn't sleep for 2 days because you were gone. The least you could do was give her a fair chance. The roof was nice and it was actually helpful to calm you down. Now that was your spot and you claimed it no one else would probably even think about coming up here. After about 2 hours of just thinking and enjoying time alone you decided to practice magic that you had learned years ago. It was a spell that could create any object you wanted, as of right now you wanted a black rose. It's been a while since you've done this spell so you got Daisy's at first then Tulips but finally you got it right and had a beautiful black rose that you were going to give to Maria.

                             NATASHA'S POV
What the fuck did I just do? I'm so stupid sometimes and now I'm going to have this guilt with me forever. I kissed Y/N without thinking because she was pouring her heart out to me and it felt right but now it doesn't. I cheated on Bucky and he doesn't deserve this. Bucky helped me open up when I didn't want to anymore and there was an instant connection when I saw him again, he trained me when I was in the red room. He's been doing good his brain washing has gone away for the most part and we've gone through it together. This isn't fair to him or y/n because I finally let my walls crumble again and then I fall apart when I'm with Y/N. Ugh this is this absolute worst, Bucky makes me happy and I enjoy being with him. Y/N on the other hand always made me feel special, it's like we were connected in a way. Clint always gives the best advice maybe I should go to him? We haven't talked much in a while and I missed having my best friend around so why not take this opportunity to talk to him. "Clint are you in there?" I shouted knocking on his bedroom door knowing he couldn't hear for shit. "Yeah come in Nat!" He shouted back which I ignored because I had a crisis. "What's up? You look like shit." He stated while also packing a bag. "I kissed Y/N." I blurted out while pacing in his room not looking up at him. "For fucks sake Nat I thought you were passed this and forgave her and we were moving on??" He replied while rubbing his head. "I did forgive her and I did move on but she just poured her heart out to me and I panicked and kissed her but she didn't kiss back..." I stated while trying to hide the disappointment in my voice only to fail miserably because Clint could read me like a book. "I can't choose for you Nat... it's either Bucky or Y/N. Can't have both because you'll end up hurting them along with yourself." Now he was right in front of me and I didn't even notice he pulled me into a hug. I hugged him back and we stayed in that position before I spoke up finally, "I don't know what to do Clint... Bucky is great but maybe I'm only with him because he reminds of Y/N. They're different but so similar. When I'm with Y/N it's like we're connected." Clint sighed and started rubbing my back I'm guessing he was taking time to process and give out his best answer. "Maybe it's just not your time with Y/N. Stay with Bucky maybe you and Y/N will find your way back to each other. I'm sure she can wait a few years or months who knows, she's literally ancient." He joked while letting me go to finish up packing his bag. "Thanks Clint. Are you going to see Laura and the kids?" I questioned while finally giving my self a chance to calm down. "Yeah I am. You wanna come? Lila has been asking about you." He informed me while throwing some more shirts in his bag. "I'd love too. I miss them." I stated while sitting on his bed because he hated it when I did this. "Get your ass off. Y/N is coming as well so if you wanna back out now's the time to do so." My heart dropped because as much as I wanted to see Laura and the kids I didn't want Y/N to be there but she loved them just as much as I did. Who was I to tell her she couldn't come? "It's ok I'll go. Who am I to impose on her seeing them as well." Trying to sound sincere but it came out a little harsh and Clint threw me a look. "Good we leave tomorrow morning at 8. We'll be there for 3 days Maximum." He informed me to where I nodded then decided to go to my room and relax. Hopefully these next three days would blow by and nothing will happen that shouldn't. I needed to tell Bucky I was leaving with Clint so I decided to look for him before going to the room.

                             CLINT'S POV
These girls are going to be the death of me I swear. Y/N almost died even though I'm pretty it takes more than that to kill her. Nat can't even figure out who the hell she wants. Honestly we all needed a vacation because we don't get paid enough for this shit. Maybe it was a good thing I was going to see Laura at this time. After I finished packing and double checked everything I went to go find Y/N to talk and also let her know Cooper wants to the see her. I made it to Y/N's floor and saw she was just about to walk into her room. "Y/N wait up!" I shouted while jogging towards her to make sure she didn't disappear. When I approached her I saw she had a black rose in her hand as well as a daisy and a tulip. Wonder who those are for? "Hey buddy what's up?" She responded while waiting for me. "I'm going to see the family tomorrow and I was wondering if you wanted to come with? Nat is coming as well..." I stammered out while hoping she would still go. "Of course I'll come. I'm guessing Nat already came to you so I'm not going to let what we have get in the way of a Barton family trip." She joked while playfully hitting my arm. "Great because Cooper has been asking about you." I responded while letting out a breath of relief. "Ahh my Cooper Trooper. And of course my little Munchkin along with my favorite Barton." Sending me a wink to where I responded by punching her arm not like it hurt her anyways. "You're an ass you know that Stevens?" I shot back while we both laughed. "Yeah but you love me. That's why you were shouting outside the door when I was resting." She scoffed while trying to hold back her laughter. "Mention that to Laura and I'll never bring you again shithead. We leave at 8am tomorrow so pack your stuff." I ordered to where she nodded before we went our separate ways.