The Secret The Cheerleader Doesn't Know

You Mama

Cassie POV

Arriving to the place, I immediately broke down crying. 

It was dark, cold, and I was alone.

For the first night in my first home that I owned completely... I spent it crying myself to sleep and only crying more when I woke.

"Thank you everyone!" I shouted to my last class, my fake smile falling off once the doors shut.  Taking a seat in the middle of the empty room, I muttered, "I hate silence..."  Looking at the digital clock on the wall, I sighed.  I need to shower and get ready to head over to Antonia's... I have said that in over 18 years... to think the last time I said that was when I was 17 and in high school. 

Taking a shower in the employee center, I clocked out and drove to the house.  No car was in the driveway... so Antonia was back at work.  Unlocking the door, I head inside and just stare at the entrance... this was once my home... my house.  I used to just enter and smile... feel welcomed no matter what... feel relaxed the moment I walked through that door, but now... how foreign I feel. 

How much I wanted to cry.

But I pushed myself in and did the kids laundry like I used to.  Cleaned their bathroom, like I used to.  Made their beds, like I used to.  Then prepped dinner... like I used to.  I made a chicken noodle since it was cold today and it's the twins favorite thing to eat in this weather.  Placing it to the side to stay warm, I pulled out the ingredients to make brownies for the twins.  I know it's been a month since they had it, but this may put a smile on their faces.

As I was mixing the batter, I saw a teardrop fall into the bowl.  Apparently I had been crying the entire time... I was just zoning out and going by muscle memory.  Ripping a napkin from the roll, I took a second to collect myself.

'Are the kids asleep?' Antonia was taking off her suit jacket and slipping off her shoes.

'Yep... they ate, showered and are in bed... without saying a single word to their mom,' I muttered as I continued to scrub the counter.

'You know I hate missing dinners... it was hectic today,' she took a seat across from me, giving me her puppy eyes... no.  I'm mad. 

"This is the fourth time this week,' I looked up at her, 'the kids will forget what you look like if this continues!  Hell, I may even forget I'm even married!' Tossing the sponge into the sink, I huffed.  Antonia came around the counter and hugged me from behind.  I tried to act tough but I leaned into it.

'I'm sorry Cassie... I'll do better.'

'You better... I feel like a single mom at this point,' I tried to get away, but she held tightly.

Putting her lips by my ear she whispered, '"I will love you forever".'  She touched my locket, kissing my cheek, 'I love you... I love you Cassidy Meryl.'

'Antonia?'

'Yes?'

'I love you.'

"Mama?" I was pulled from my memory, quickly wiping my tears away.  I turned around to see the twins, both of them on the verge of tears.

Smiling at them, I say, "I missed you my loves."  They quickly ran to me, crying little babies.  Squeezing them as tightly as I could, I tried to forget the idea that I wouldn't be able to tuck them in anymore... to go check on them in the middle of the night... that we would be separated from now on... that I would miss out on things...

I tried to not think of that, but it overflowed.

My tears fell with theirs and I choked up.  Squeezing them even tighter than I thought I could, I just wished that this moment... this exact second would pause and we could live it forever.  I may have lost the love of my life... but losing my children will kill me.

~

"You two did what?" I cocked an eyebrow at them.

"Yep, you heard me right mama," Jaelynn chuckled, "they got into a fight at school and came back all dirty and bruised up."  I just shook my head and sighed.  Antonia and I were affecting the kids... the last thing I wanted.  Jaelynn placed her hand on mine, making me look at her, "Mama... the twins and I aren't stupid... tell us the truth.  What's going to happen?"

Jaelynn... my darling Jaelynn.  A wobbly smile came onto my lips and I wiped yet another tear away, "Um... well... I thought we should wait for your mom so we can both explain it to you all but... I doubt she'll be back in time for when I have to leave."

"Leave?" Jessika asked, paranoid, "But you just got back."

"Not that kind of leave baby... you see," I held onto Jaelynn's hand, "your mom and I... we're divorcing."  Their eyes widened, but it wasn't Jessika who spoke up this time.

"You're lying," Jakob said, chuckling, "you have to be.  You love mom and mom loves you.  You aren't divorcing... it's not a funny joke mama... please tease us on something else."

"I know it's not something you want, but this is the truth," I said, swallowing down the pain, "your mom and I have... we're on different paths."

"You mean mama is on the path of fucking Jennifer!" Jessika shouted.

Before I could correct her, Jakob stood up from the table, "This is ridiculous!  This is dumb... no... you two are getting a fucking divorce!  No! I won't allow it!  I already lost two parents before... already had a broken family before... already deal with the humiliation and harassment all of that brings... no... I won't tolerate anymore!  Jessika, Jaelynn and I won't deal with that!  We won't go through another loss!  Another broken home!  Anymore abandonment!  So no!  You two aren't getting a fucking divorce and if you do... I'll... I'll... I'll just -" "Jakob!" Jaelynn shouted only loud enough to get him to stop, but continued in a soft tone, "Jakob... Jessika... no one is abandoning you... no family is breaking apart.  Mama is still going to see us, mom is going to see us, and we're still a family.  Our unconditional love is still there.  Mama will be here to see you and so will mom."

"I want to live with mama," Jessika said.

"Jessika," I muttered.

"Mom is never home... she doesn't even know how to park at our school... or what we like to eat.  So no, I won't be living with her," she said, continuing to eat her soup, "how about you Jakob?"  He was quiet a bit, but he slowly sat down and nodded.  "So it's been decided," Jessika said, "we're living with you mama."

Hi lovelies! I hope you love crying because it's going to be a tear fest for the next few chapters👍