Pull Me Closer || Aaron Hotchner

Foyet

TW: Death. swearing, mentions of violence

When Hotch got stabbed it tore you to shreds. You were going to go check on him but JJ needed your help with something. When you got the call you rushed to the hospital, pacing the waiting room for what felt like years before he was out of surgery. You insisted you be the one to stay while Emily and JJ went to get Haley and Jack, the rest going to try and figure out what the fuck happened. You sat as close to his hospital bed as possible, holding his hand in yours. You shivered at how cold he was, you would think he was dead if it wasn't for the beeping of the machines hooked up to him. When he first opened his eyes he saw you and smiled, right before he coded. You were rushed out of the room as the nurses saved him. Silent, hot tears streaming down your cheeks. 10 minutes later he was stable again, you taking your place back in the chair. Afraid to touch him you just sat and watched. What started as minutes turned into hours, no word from the team, just you starring at Hotch. It hadn't even been a year since Jason left, you couldn't lose him too. Not when you didn't know how or what you were feeling. When he wakes up again he reaches for your hand, squeezing it gently. "Hey, you're awake. Scared me there for a second, thought I was gonna have to all the paperwork from now on." you joke trying to hide the pain and fear. "You were crying." he mumbles. You shake your head, "Don't worry about me. Haley and Jack are safe, Emily and JJ are bringing them here now." He nods at that, relief that his son was safe. He puts a hand to your cheek, "You've been here the whole time?" you nod leaning into his touch. A sudden knock makes you jump, "Sorry but Jack and Haley are on their way up." JJ says giving you a look. Jack comes running in, Haley close behind, "Daddy! You're ok! Y/N hi!" He yells hugging you tightly. "Were you here protecting daddy?" before you can say anything Hotch speaks for you. "Yeah buddy she was, I'm okay now." you offer a soft smile going to leave. "Y/N," Hotch calls, "Thank you." And when he says it there's something in his eyes, you can't put a finger on what. Haley sends you a look as you walk out with JJ. "Y/N, what the hell was that?" JJ asks but you shake your head telling her now's not the time for that conversation.

Two months later Haley died, Foyet along with her. You and Derek pulled Hotch off of him. "He's gone man, he's gone!" Derek says as Hotch falls to the ground crying, leaning into your legs. You run a hand through his hair before he stands to go get Jack. The funeral was sad but nice. Just family, including the BAU team. Jack insisted you sit up front, it felt wrong but Hoth assured you he was okay with it. You held Jack's hand, Aaron holding the other. Everyone went to Rossi's after, the kids in a separate room. You spent a large amount of time there with Jack and Henry. Both boys had clung to you as of late and it felt like you had to protect them. When everyone left you offered to drive Hotch and Jack home since you had come with Derek. You take his keys from him before he could say no. The drive to his house was quiet, but you helped him bring Jack inside along with the pictures of Haley. You started a pot of coffee while he tucked Jack in, making him a cup. He comes out to see you cleaning up the kitchen, two cups of coffee on the island. "You didn't have to do this, Y/N." You smile at him softly, "I know, I want to, really Aaron."

Six months later and you spend almost every other weekend at the Hotchner household, helping with little things. It was a Sunday afternoon, a mandatory weekend off for the BAU team, and you were at the park with Jack and Hotch. "Y/N I'm okay now, you don't have to keep helping me." You look at him confused. "Hotch I don't have to, I want to. You were there when Jason left, still are. I know you're doing okay but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop caring. Besides I'm pretty sure I'm Jack's favorite FBI agent, you can't steal me from him." Hotch laughs, "You are his favorite." And you could've sworn you hear him mutter mine too. Maybe you were hearing things. 

Hotch really was better, he was great actually. If anyone asked how he said it was because of you. You helping around so much helped him properly grieve and heal with his son, or at least that's what he was telling people. You believed it, he smiled more. Not like he should but more than he did when he got divorced and certainly more than he did when Haley died. Rossi made him go drinking with him, insisting he needed a wingman, and if Hotch found someone so be it. A part of you hated the idea. Of course, you wanted him to be happy just not with some woman from a bar. 

A year after her death you were all having a BAU family dinner at Rossi's, something that occurred quite often. You found Hotch alone on the deck leaning against the railing, "She would want you to be happy you know." He looks at you coming to join him. "I am happy, I just wish she could watch Jack grow up." You nod before comforting him, "Aaron she is, she might not see it from here but I don't think she would just leave you both to do whatever you want. Especially not when Dave is your best friend." That earns a laugh. He looks up at the sky and you stare at him, breath catching in your throat. He looks down at you, putting a hand on your cheek as he did in the hospital. "We don't deserve you." You smile, "Jack definitely does, you, I'm not sure. " He laughs again, you can feel it fan over your face, goosebumps forming all across your body, chills going down your spine. You could listen to him laugh for years on end, and knowing that you caused it made you feel important. He made you feel important. You hear Derek calling and leave before Hotch can feel how fast your heart was beating. You lean into Derek's open arm. "You ever gonna stop covering your feelings with sarcasm?" he whispers. "Oh fuck off" you say pushing him away.

A/N AH okay Haley is dead now to our regularly scheduled programming. I hope you liked this chapter <3 the next two will be filler chapters but then it's one that's important to the storyyyy