I Promise. Niall Horan Fanfic.

The Letter.

A/N: This chapter is pretty selfexplanitory.

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Dear Everyone,

First off I'd like to apologize to each and every one of you. None of this is any of your fault. It's mine.

I've been having all these thoughts lately, thoughts about ending my life and It scares me to death that I’m not even in the least bit afraid of dying. It makes me anxious knowing how relaxing the thought of death really is to me, and that truly scares me.

Sometimes I would lie awake in bed and imagine myself not waking up the next day. I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare, I didn't want to wake up. Sleeping was so much more appealing to me.

Life is supposed to be something precious. It's this precious thing and I'm throwing it away while millions of people would give anything just to see a dead friend or relative for just one more day.

And me? I'm throwing the gift of life away.

There used to be days that I thought I was okay, or at least that I was going to be. All those times I thought I would be okay, I was always with Niall. I would think "it will be okay if it can just be like this forever" but of course nothing can ever stay just how it is forever.

I'm sick. I'm really sick, and they don't know if I'll be able to get better. I don't even know if I'll okay.

What's the point in living with false hope, thinking "Everything is okay. I'll be fine, nothing to worry about."

But I just can't think like that. I know I'm going to die, maybe not today or tomorrow, but it's going to happen soon.

Honestly, this is just me saying "I give up before all the real pain starts." I don't want to get too attached to you guys to then be ripped away from you.

George Sand once said, "We cannot tear out a single page of our life, but we can throw the whole book in the fire." 

And that's what I'm doing, I'm throwing my book into the fire. I don't want to hurt you or anybody so please forget about me. This is what I want, so don't be sad. Be happy for me, happy that I'll finally get what I want.

I love you so much Mom, you too Ralf.

Don't think I forgot about you Kelly, you'll always be my best friend.

I love you too, boys. But most importantly, I love you Niall. I'm so very sorry for the mess I'm making. And I'm extremely sorry to whoever finds me, you should never have to see me like this.

- Andrea Stark,

       I finally got my happy ending. xx