BUTTERFLY🦋K.TH💜

8- GOODBYES.

Goodbyes are always hard.
It maybe hard for the person leaving, but it is always harder for the person left behind.
                                                                 -Anonymous

Jimin's diary entry:

3rd April 2021.
Saturday.

Hey its Jimin, the loser Jimin,the loner Jimin. My academy is sealed,my mental health is depriving more badly than before. I'm in Busan,thought coming back to my hometown can bring back my passion, my enthusiasm with all my memories related to this place. But I was wrong. Even Busan rejected my dejected state. No one can heal me now. I find no reason to live this awful life, I was courageous all this time. But I'm tired, tired of lying about my condition, tired of giving fake smile,tired of trying again and again to fix myself. The therapy is not working for me,the medicines are no more effective.  I have been suffering since 3 months ,but no progress till now. Its just getting worst . I'm all alone. Taehyung is busy and I don't want him to worry about my health, anyways he can't help me now as I'm broken beyond repair. I called him just now for the last time,to tell him that I love him but he was busy,he didn't picked up the call.

My will to live died with my passion for dance. Eventhough I lost my academy I was doing all good. It was bearable but losing my enthusiasm for dance, I can't bear this pain,not anymore.  What will kill an artist more than the loss of his passion for his art. Dance was my first love and it was the only cause of my first death. Yes I'm dead.  I died that day only when I can't dance anymore ,I can't feel anymore. My heart doesn't beats for dance anymore and it died.

Now I'll accept my second and actual death. I'm not a coward,but this pain is eating me alive and now death seems easier than this life to me.
If only one could see through my facade,hidden my broken state; through my fake smile, the pain I hide. Fighting my own demons in my head. They conspire each day to kill me and I fight against them everyday. But today I lost this battle, I'm accepting my defeat. Killing myself is the only way to kill these voices in my head. They never leave me alone,they won't let me sleep,won't let me eat,won't let me live peacefully.  But they can let me die peacefully.
I just hope no one suffers like me anymore. No one deserves to die a death like me. I lost but I don't want any other losers. Living a life like dead plant everyday is hard, I wish someone could water a dead plant like me and bring it back to its life, a happy life. This is my last goodbye.

TAEHYUNG POV:

I felt dizzy and fell onto the ground,the diary I clutched it tightly close to my heart. Tears started sprawling from my eyes and I let a loud cry ,I was crying like a small kid. I can't control my tears anymore.  My heart was crushed with Jimin's last note,his actual death note. All these days My bestfriend, my Jimin was suffering quietly and I didn't noticed his pain. I failed as a bestfriend.  I'm ashamed of calling myself as his bestfriend. Jimin was brave, he was fighting all alone. But he should have let me know ,he should have hanged on for a little while more. We could have solved this together, I could have fixed him. I could have helped him win this battle,he was not a loser.

I can't even imagine the pain he was going through, he was always smiling, hiding his true form,his broken form, which I failed to notice.  He acted all fine. Maybe he was a good actor or I was a bad detector  who failed to detect his suffering.

I wonder how many people around me are broken like Jimin and portraying themselves as all fine,Suffering all alone. How people can be suffering from such mental turmoil and act all good which we fail to notice. And one day they lose the battle that they fight in their heads,they kill themselves.

Suddenly a face popped into my mind ,"Kang Y/n's face".

                                                                                            

I may have shed a few tears writing this chapter 😪
We always neglect our mental health which is as important as our physical health. Please do share your problems with your loved one's or if you are uncomfortable you can share it with a stranger, I'm always here to comfort y'all.  If you all want you can share it with me💞take care.
My baby chimmy🌼😭🌸
He is a soft pillow baby and a fluff ball🥺, I just wanna squish his cheeks and maybe place a few kisses on his soft cheeks🥰precious mochi💖🐥
Wingless Angel Jimin😇👼

Love you all💖
Bye🖐🏻