One Piece: Grand Endeavours

Chapter Seventy: Voices

Kuro
How can I still hear them? I shouldn't still be hearing them! It's been a week and they aren't fading. If anything they are more potent. I chew on my lip, trying to figure out if that is true, but my concentration is too fractured. I can't focus with the constant voices in my head on anything unless I force myself to the point of a headache which I mostly do when socialising or if Luffy asks me to read to him. It is lucky most of the thoughts are vague and constant background noise but often more prominent ones come especially when trying to sleep. As a result I am exhausted, huge shadows under my eyes. I have slept, just not enough and I hope we don't get into a fight for a while.

I glare at my clock, reading 5am, and give up on getting sleep for this night. This is the time I often wake up so if I haven't already slept, I probably won't at all. I get out of bed, wincing when I switch on the light, as it makes my head pound even more and change from my pjs to normal outfit. I catch my reflection and huff. I look drained and the shadows under my eyes are huge. No one can know something is wrong and no one can know I'm still a freak so I grab the concealer I brought on the last island and use it to hide the shadows. Still pale but only a bit more than usual and since I hid the bags I don't think anyone will notice. I fake a calm expression, tuck my hair behind my ears, and decide to get a tea whilst trying to block people's subconscious thoughts from my head.

I think that's why nighttime is the worst. They have no real thoughts so the subconscious is more prominent and that is where people's worst thoughts and memories lurk. Plus, as much as Danni and Usopp are nice to be around their prominent thoughts are incredibly sappy to be around and therefore annoying. Yes, I also think about how cute Luffy is and how much I like him but no one is being made to read my thoughts. Not that it's their fault though which only makes it more annoying. I make the tea, adding two teabags for extra caffeine and don't add milk for once. I need something strong. I stay inside as I sip at it as the sky releases a huge amount of rain, bucketing it down.

Sanji comes in, probably to make breakfast.
"Hi," I say, sipping at the tea, drowsy but not to the point that it is likely showing.
"Morning Kuro," he says. "Been up long?"
"No," I lie. Yes. In the last week I've had a total of twenty-four hours sleep. Which is less than three and a half a day. T has been getting gradually less each day though. I finish my tea as he starts making various breakfasts for people. "Want any help?" I need a distraction...
"Uh, do you know how to make pancakes?" he asks. I nod. It is one of the few things I can cook. "Can you make them then whilst I make the fry-up?" I nod and start adding the ingredients for the batter.
"Normal ones or the sweeter ones?" I ask.
"They're for Nova so the sweeter ones," he replies.

It barely distracts me unfortunately but it is me not being a hindrance like I was during the Keizo situation.
"Kuro, are you okay? Since the Keizo incident you've been acting off," he asks me, sounding concerned.
"Mhm," I lie, not risking looking in his direction in case that gives away I'm lying.
"Are you sure?" he pushes. I nod. "Kuro, you zoned out for like three hours yesterday."
"Yeah, that doesn't happen much.," I admit. "Really though. I'm okay." Physically I'm okay at least.

Everyone comes in for breakfast and I have a green and berry tea, trying to ignore everyone's thoughts. It does the opposite of the intended result and it becomes much louder, lapping over each other, leaving me trying to pull away from the thoughts with little results. There is a sudden tap on my shoulder and I flinch, snapping out of it, rubbing my arm.
"Kuro, you zoned out again..." Luffy says.
"Oh..." I say. "Oops...?"
"We asked what you're doing today," Luffy says. Trying to not have a mental breakdown.
"Nothing," I reply. "At least not that I've planned."
"Reading?" Usopp asks. Yeah, like I could concentrate on that.
"Nah, not in the mood," I reply. Instantly everyone gives me a look of surprise, confusion and concern. "What?"
"You're always in the mood for books," Luffy tells me, sounding very worried. "Is something wrong?" The wide eyed look he gives me nearly makes me spill the truth but that isn't a good idea. A fake a smile and shake my head.
"Nah, just going to do something else for once," I say. No one looks convinced.

"Anyway, I'm going to go do something," I lie to get out of this. "So see you later." I quickly head to my room, grabbing some origami paper to see if I can at least focus on that. I lie on my stomach on the bed, swinging my legs slightly and it is slow process but it is slowly starting to make process. There's a knock on the door and Luffy comes in.
"Hey," he says. "I give up on asking you if you're okay so this instead. What's wrong?"
"Nothing..." I mumble, not risking making eye contact with even Luffy. "Hey, want me to origami you something?"
"Seriously, what is going on?" he pushes. "And don't try to avoid the subject Kuro."
"I could make you a dragon or something?" I offer.
"Kuro! No changing the subject!" he exclaims. I still don't look up. He puts a hand under my chin, gently lifting it so I have to. "Tell. Me. What's. Wrong."

I decide that, even though I can't tell him, a half truth is probably a good idea so he stops asking me otherwise I may snap.
"Just been stressed since the Keizo situation," I murmur. "No biggie." He sighs and gives me a tight hug.
"Why didn't you say anything?" he asks me. I shrug. "Kuro!"
"Because it is my problem not yours," I say. Because I don't want to say the truth and be regarded as a freak or have people on guard with me given the telepath thing. I managed to read one page earlier without zoning out and it is now indeed eternal but my focus is too awful to read anymore. I keep faking it is okay for everyone else's sake though and more for mine.

Luffy
I don't think he's telling the truth. At least not the whole truth. There is definitely more to it. He still is distracted and the fact he refused to make eye contact when telling me shows there is definitely more to it. I don't push it though. I want to because I want to be able to help but I feel like if I push it he will shut down and not open up at all. I spend so much time worrying about him these days. All days.
"So sure you're not in the mood for reading?" I ask and he nods. "Aw, I was hoping I could get you to read to me."
"I'll read to you in a few hours," he offers and I grin. Then consider he may be agreeing to so I stop thinking that something is wrong. Knowing Kuro it is either him being self sacrificing or it is that. Given he is still not making eye contact...yeah.

Maybe one of the experiments is having an after effect? Maybe he is still paranoid about it? Maybe he is blaming himself? Actually, that last one does make sense...
"Kuro, you know the Keizo situation isn't your fault, right?" I ask. He says nothing. "Right?"
"Of course it is my fault," he mutters, sighing. "Why wouldn't it be?"
"Because Keizo was a deranged nut job who hurt you. You'd didn't experiment on us," I state, crossing my arms. "And no one else blames you either!"
"Well they should," Kuro retorts, rolling his eyes. "Especially you! He hurt you to get to me and you know it, Luffy."
"Which is his fault for being him, not yours!" I insist, then realise I was starting to shout. I take a deep breath. "I don't and won't blame you Kuro. I care too much about you for that, okay? Now, if something else is wrong, no matter what, you can tell me. Okay?" He shrugs and I sigh again. He isn't going to open up about whatever is going on and given he normally does with me that is a worrying sign that it could be something serious. I'll leave it for now but if things clearly get worse I will find a way to get him to tell me.