GWENETH ADAMEY POV
"Are you alright?" Malcolm asked me as we walked back to my hotel room from the bar. I still had his coat on, it wasn't really cold or anything but he felt the need to wrap me up like a baby, just incase it does get cold, he would say.
He's so silly.
"Yeah, I'm okay."
"You don't sound okay."
That's because I miss Nathaniel and I was hard on him the last time we talked. I should've never asked for time apart. I thought it would help us some how, him especially, to find himself despite me. I know it's something he needs, he's often lost when I ain't there, and I don't really mind him depending on my company, I also depend on his, but we must learn to be our own persons. Otherwise, we won't ever be truly self sufficient on our own and forever emotionally and physically depended on the other person.
But fuck,
I swear I don't know why I crave him so bad.
I just need him near me.
To feel his skin.
I think I'm about to lose my senses.
I find myself leaning into Malcolm and he wraps his arm around me, "You can tell me anything Gwen."
I know that.
But in this case It's not appropriate to tell Nathaniel's best friend that I'm dying to be made love to.
Even if he's also my best friend.
I just want my man okay.
I fucking miss him.
And I'm drunk, I little bit. I almost trip on my heels and Malcom quickly balanced me and pulls me closer to his embrace. "Take it easy. No need to rush, that room ain't going no where."
Yes, I know.
But if my calculations are correct, this is around the time Nathaniel takes a bath, and I want us to do what we did the other night over the phone.
We need space, I get it, but it's like my body is screaming for him.
"Can you carry me?" I tell Malcolm, "My legs are being abused by my tipsy weight." Lord, I had too much to drink.
He teasingly pinches my cheeks, "You're so cute."
I giggle, "Fuck off." He can't keep saying stuff like that, with this look on his face.
"No, I'm serious." He utters. "You're beautiful."
He's also kinda drunk.
I can tell.
His brown eyes are sloppy and so are his movements.
He lifts me up, and so easily places me on his shoulder, "Do you want me to throw up?" My stomach presses on his collarbone, my head dangling at the back, making me both dizzy and nauseated. I can feel his firm hand on my thighs, holding me steady so I don't fall.
"You comfy?" He chuckles.
"If only I wasn't being handled like a log." I poke his back with my finger nails.
"Ouch, stop it Gwen. I might drop you."
"Don't you dare, Nathaniel will murder you." I warned jokingly.
"I have no doubts he will."
I sigh.
Nathan would do anything for me and I for him. It's something that I've realized people can't understand, especially my friends, they don't get it why I'm so attached to Nathan. He is basically my soulmate. I love him.
They say it'll pass.
But it won't.
I know for a fact that as long as I live, a part of me will always belong to Nathaniel Wilbur. He already has my whole heart, my body, my formidable devotion. I owe him my life.
Although he hates it when I act like he does. But I owe him though, and he needs to stop trying to pay for the mistakes his uncle's made on us. It wasn't he fault.
Malcolm carries me all the way to my room, gets inside with me and we both drop on the bed.
His weight holding me down, pressing me into the mattress. "You tryna suffocate me," I patted his shoulder.
"Sorry," he slightly lifts his weight from me, while still being on top, his eyes on mine.
Malcolm tags away a stand of my hair from my face, the room is slightly dark but the moon light gives off some level of illumination.
"You need to stop looking at me like that," I tell him with a steady voice. "It's wrong."
"I know." He says, "But I can't help it."
"You're only hurting yourself Malcolm. I belong to someone else." I remind.
He nodded silently, a sadness covering his face.
"I wish things were different. That I would've met you in favorable circumstances. But I guess I was too late from the beginning of the story."
I start to speak, "Malcolm...." He places a finger on my lips.
"Hush, It's okay Gwen, I get it, you love him and I never stood a chance." He sounded so low and defeated.
"Nathaniel can't know you feel these things for me."
Malcolm's gaze deepened, "It's not just things Gwen. I love you."
"Please don't say that." I beg him.
"It's how I feel." The sincerity in his voice.
It's usually easy for me to detect truth in a man's eyes, because Nathaniel has shown me what real emotions look like in a man. So I could never mistake them. And I know, Malcolm means what he says. But I'm not his to keep, and won't ever be.
His body on top of me gets warmer, like a blanket, shielding the cold of the AC.
I've always been too comfortable around him. Malcolm is a genuine person, he cares about me alot. More than anyone would know. That's why it makes me sad to see him like this.
His finger trace my face, my cheeks and then my lips.
"How could anyone hurt someone like you?" He mutters more to himself. He knows about what Nathaniel's uncle did to us.... Malcolm's very sensitive when it comes to the thought of anyone puting pressure on me.
"People can surprise us." I said. "Don't worry about it, I've moved on from everything that's happened. Not completely but surely day after day."
He places his forehead on mine, our nose touch, we're connected everywhere except our lips. He knows better than to let them touch.
It's always a foreign feeling. Being loved by a man other than Nathaniel. It feels like an unwavering force. It makes my mind curious, and my heart is left wondering just how it would feel like to be with someone else, in every way possible.
But I never let that curiosity linger. Because my heart aches for Nathan, and I've come across random people in the nights I go out, we'd dance, they touch me lightly, and sometimes when I'm drank they lay their lips on my neck. But never on my mouth, I wouldn't let them. That is reserved for Nathaniel, like everywhere else. Its only happened twice that a guy would be up on my neck, once in Rhode island, and another time in Japan. It hurt Nathaniel so much when he knew, but not as much as it hurt me to see him that way. I'm never doing it again.
"You need to find someone else, that would only belong to you and you alone. That's what you deserve Malcolm." I whisper to him as our breaths meet.
"If only my heart would allow that." He sighed. "When it beats, it beats for you."
His words, honest, real, I hear them, but, both him and I know better.
It begins to get extremely warm between us, "We're kinda drunk." I giggle, "We should try getting some sleep. May be we'll not wakeup with a hangover."
He chuckles, "I'm sure we will but a small one."
We stay silent for a while.
Staring at each other.
"I saw you and Nathan that day, at the garden, I guess you both didn't care if anyone was watching you make love to each other in the open."
He saw that.
My cheeks flush instantly.
"Why didn't you look away? You shouldn't have watched" I asked.
"I did look away , but I caught a glimpse by accident and then when I turned around quickly to leave, the sounds you made still reached my ears."
He's hurting.
I hear it in his voice.
His fingers are still on my lips, and they make me slightly shiver. He caresses me softly and I hold my breath.
"Malcolm......"
"Gwen....."
"We can't." I say.
"I know." He responds. And he gets of me, snatching away his warmth. I whimper on the bed, as the cold envelops me.
Fuck.
Malcolm stares down on me.
"It's hard for me to leave this room." He confesses. "Leaving you is even harder."
_______
Any thoughts?
-Lynn