The plane ride so far has been utterly hellacious. Rory has only slept for about an hour of it, the rest of the time he's either cried or been fussy. He was also getting fidgety, and Niall was currently walking up the isle from the bathroom with Rory walking/waddling/falling and crawling in front of him. He just wanted to move around but this plane was jammed and tiny, and there was nowhere for him to go. He was very active and hated sitting still for a long time.
"He's movin all over t'place.." Niall shakes his head in disbelief as he makes it back to the seats.
I smile as Rory tries to dart away, and Niall has to take a few quick steps to scoop him up before he runs away.
He's shaking his head as he squeezes past me to the window seat, plopping down with Rory on his lap. He looks out the window, and Rory plays with the watch on Niall's arm.
"Mu mu mu...." Rory gurgles and Niall shoots his gaze down, his fingers curling around Rory's small fist as he babbles.
"He's trying to say mum." Niall states, and I bite my lip.
"He mumbles lots of things." I sigh, readjusting the sock falling off of his foot.
"Do you need anything from the apartment?" Niall blurts suddenly, but I refuse to meet his eyes.
"No." I answer quickly, and I can practically feel him rolling his eyes.
"Don't be stubborn. I'll move the crib wherever you want, just let me know where you're staying."
"I haven't figured that out yet." I admit for some reason. To be quite honest, I didn't know where I wanted to go. It would be ideal to get my own place. I didn't want to live with anyone but Rory.
"I'll help you find something." He mumbles, looking away from me and directly out the window.
We were so cold to each other, but at least it was something. We had so much shit to work on if we were going to be civil, friendly co-parents. And I had to work up the nerve to tell him who's baby I was pregnant with.
God, this was such a mess.
"Surprised your boyfriend isn't peeved that you aren't sitting with him, but me instead." Niall mumbles quietly, still staring out of the window. Rory giggles as he rolls onto his back on Niall's thighs.
I cross my arms and glare at the side of his head. "He's not my boyfriend."
Niall slowly turns to give me a dirty look, then looks away just as quickly. He leans his head back against the seat and sighs. "Yeh, okay. You used to say that about me too."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
This was so not the place for this.
"It means you played like you hated my guts when you were pregnant with Rory, then we ended up being together. Now that you're having his baby, it'll just be the same thing."
"That's bullshit, don't act like you know everything Niall because you don't."
I was dying to spit it out, if not to get the truth free but to rub it in his face that he was wrong, but I couldn't open my mouth.
"Most of the time, I'm right with you." He sighs tiredly, and I know that's the end of the conversation as he turns his shoulders away. I bite my lip in frustration and mentally scream. He was so frustrating, he pushed my buttons excessively to the point where I wanted to deck him in the face. Not that that would get us anywhere.
Rory crawls over to my lap and whines, rubbing his cheek on my belly. I know he's getting sick just by the way he's acting, so I bundle him up in his blanket and situate him comfortably across my legs so he can sleep.
Just a few more hours, I thought.
~
Niall drove slowly through the nearly blinding rain, on our way to the doctors. Arabella had went with Austen back to his house, where he would be letting her stay until she figured other arrangements out.
Me? I had no idea what I was going yet. All I was worried about now was making sure Rory would be okay.
"Traffic." Niall groans as we come to a stop, and I sigh, glancing in the backseat where Rory slept quietly in his seat. I was glad to see Niall had kept it in his car, though Rory barely still fit in it. We would have to get a new one. Well, we both would need them for separate cars. It would be a pain to switch car seats back and fourth every time Rory changed between us.
When we finally arrived at the clinic, Niall told me to go inside and that he would get Rory. I jogged in the rain with my hood up, and brushed my hair back once I got inside. Standing at the entrance I waited for Niall, and when he finally jogged up, Rory was awake in his arms.
I readjusted his hat on his head, wiping wet drops of rain off of his cheeks and little fingers. He was handed over to me while Niall went to check in at the desk.
I took a seat on an uncomfortable red plastic chair, sitting Rory on my lap. I examined his watery eyes and his runny nose, his cheeks still heated red.
"Oh baby.." I sighed, bringing him into my chest and kissing his forehead. His hands splayed across my chest as he cuddled into me.
"The doctor will see us soon." Niall said as he sat down beside me, his hand brushing my thigh accidentally. I tried to hide my flinch, I didn't know what was wrong with me. Any type of contact between us and my body just buzzed.
"Maybe you should get checked out, too?" His voice was weary, like he didn't want me to snap on him.
"What?" I frowned, bouncing my knee as Rory whined a little.
"You know...for the baby." Niall cleared his throat awkwardly, taking a glance at the swell under my sweatshirt.
"Oh..uh, yeah. Maybe, I guess."
He nodded slowly, twiddling with his thumbs. I looked away, feeling tears building up. Once again. God, I needed to tell him.
"Mr. Horan?"
Niall and I both glanced up, as a nurse peered out of a doorway in front of us. I gathered Rory up in my arms snugly and stood, Niall leading the way after the nurse.
She took us into a little room, informing the doctor would see us shortly.
Niall slid his jacket off, and while he hung it up on one of the chairs in the room I caught a glimpse of the tattoo on his arm.
My eyes locked and I couldn't seem to look away. For some reason I had figured he would have gotten it covered up or removed, but there it was, my name, in permanent black ink.
"What are you staring at?"
I jumped at his voice, knocked out of my mesmerized trance. Forcibly, I moved my eyes away from his arm as Niall glanced at me questioningly.
"Nothing." I murmured, setting Rory down on the exam table and tucking my hair behind my ears.
I gasped at the feeling of his body coming up behind me, lightly making contact with my back. He trapped me between his broad chest and the exam table I was rested against to watch Rory.
"If you wanted to see it, you could have just asked me Shay." He whispered, and I tensed.
"I, Niall... I wasn't-"
"Hello, Niall..." A jolly voice echoed as the door opened. A balding man walked in the room with his eyes on a clipboard as Niall stepped back from me, his hands stuffing into the pockets of his jeans.
"Hi Dr. Zachary. Thank you for seeing us on short notice."
The man smiled, and glanced around me to Rory who had his hands clasped around his feet that were in the air.
"He's a big boy." The doctor smiled, and got a stethoscope out of his coat pocket. "Let me just have a look."
I stepped back, the doctor taking my place as he gently lifted Rory's shirt.
My entire body was tense, but for a whole different reason then being in a doctors office for my baby. Niall had my mind reeling, racing with thoughts and memories of before when we were together.
I felt weird, put off even. He shouldn't have done that. We needed to stay away from each other unless it was strictly about Rory.
The doctor checks some things with Rory, finally coming to the conclusion that he believes Rory has some type of bug like the flu, with a bit of a cold mixed in too. He prescribes some low dose baby medicine, while I'm just thankful that it will help my little guy get better faster.
He also checks me quickly due to another request by Niall, and I appreciated his concern though I didn't deserve it from him. Dr. Zachary checked my blood pressure and informed me that everything looked fine, but I should schedule an ultrasound as soon as possible.
When he finally leaves the room, Niall puts Rory's little jacket back on, and I situate his shoes and hat. He's clearly exhausted from having to sit through the doctors examinations, so I don't have a problem with Niall carrying him out to the car and offering us to just stay at the apartment for the night.
I hadn't planned to, nor did I exactly want to, but I didn't have any other plans set up. It was getting late and I just wanted to sleep.
The drive back to the apartment is silent, and the rain continues on. I stare out of the window, dark sky illuminated by twinkling stars. I hadn't realized it before, but I did miss New York when I was gone. It was home for me, and it always would be. It was a constant thing that I knew and understood, it was comfortable when nothing else was.
It was where I really learned to express myself, and where I had started painting more frequently. I hadn't painted in months. I definitely needed to start that up again.
When the engine finally dies, I look up and stare at the apartment I hadn't seen in a very long time. The last time I was here I drank like I never have before and smashed bottles all over the floor. I fought with Niall, hit him, then slept with him, and left in the morning without saying so much as a goodbye. And I took his son. It made me sick to think back on my decisions, because they weren't the right ones and I've realized that now. I wasn't thinking - clearly - and I regretted my decisions deeply.
That was another thing to add to the list of things I needed to tell Niall.
A/N: 40 comments for the next update!
And it doesn't count if you comment one word a bunch of times. Lol. I'm looking for some thoughts or feedback!