#WhatWouldItBe
Nale Sajero: huy ang cute ng dog ni von, nakita mo na? sana lahat nakita na pati dog niya hahahaha
Nagtagis ang bagang ko nang makita iyon. My eyes fixated to Trent who's having his crazy self while doing his usual TikTok. Mabilis akong umalis sa likuran niya at pumasok sa banyo.
God. It's been month after everything. Ayos naman na ang lahat. Hindi ko rin alam kung paano naging ayos kahit alam ko na marami akong dapat ayusin. I need to fix things that Von made me mangle without I, knowing any of it.
But there's nothing I did when we get back and after I quit my job. I kinda miss all the times that all I'm thinking was how to let the pass day without thinking about how many papers I'm dealing with.
I miss the time that making me think we're not environmental-friendly because there's so many papers producing for us and so many trees had been put down for the sake of producing one bond paper.
I miss the slow and quiet murmurs on the hallway, I miss every lunch time where Ellis would knock on my cubicle just to ask me join them taking their foods.
Absolutely, I miss everything I had before.
And now, it's really a bad thing that Nale still has no idea about what happened. May oras na papasok sa isipan ko iyon pero hinahayaan ko lang. Naiisip ko na siguro mas maganda na malaman niya na lang because it's still a sensitive topic for me to discuss.
Every time I think about what happened, the last talk is all I can hear throughout the days. When someone mentions his name, he's all inside my head when he shouldn't be, at the first place.
But sino pa ang kailangang sisihin? Hangga't hindi alam ni Nale ang nangyayari, there's odds that he'll still mention Von at me.
I have no idea how many minutes I'm staring through my phone, just with the message. Hindi ko alam ang sasabihin kasi... hindi ko naman talaga alam na may dog na pa lang pet si Von.
After what happened, I unfollowed him through all of my social medias, I cut everything off. It was my idea after all, kasama ko pa si Trent noong ginawa ko iyon.
He didn't push me to do it, anyway. He's just there, watching me omit the idea of his life in my life today.
There's a jump in my chest when Trent knocked from the outside. I clasps it on my chest, hard. "Hey, may nangyari ba?" puno ng pag-aalala niyang sigaw sa labas.
"Nothing!" balik ko at dinelete na lang ang message sa akin ni Nale. The more I'm gonna see it, the more something will push me to stalk him.
But I still did.
He rarely post on his Instagram page so I decided on his Twitter account. I never blocked him, just un follow him due to I don't want to push this too bad. Yes, he did commit a really bad mistake on me but something about it couldn't make me block him.
I didn't let myself see his tweets, instead I went to his media where I can see possible pictures or videos about the dog Nale's talking about.
Every move I'm doing on my screen feels like a hot water has been trickling all over my palm.
This is bad, I thought. But I couldn't stop.
I stopped when I saw a picture of Von and his new pet. My smile immediately lifts up as soon as I saw how good he looks like here.
No trace of what happened.
No trace of gas lighting the best person he ever had.
Saglit lang ako tumambay doon as I couldn't fathom the idea of him not being affected by what happened.
Is he really that heartless and inconsiderate that he immediately finds a new way to be happy without knowing that me... still trying to exclude in my system everything they did?
My heart is constricting inside my chest. I close my eyes and faced the ceiling, catching my possible tear drops.
My point finger slipped and put me in Von's tweet. Something about inside of me went into manic places because he posted a new photo.
Not his dog.
Not of himself, smiling for the camera.
It was a quote written on a windshield, with the words that made me feel levity and all. Fuck.
How can I be so wrong to everything?
I just wish I could lose these feelings as fast as I lost you
***
"Dumating na 'yung invitation mo, ah? Have you seen it?"
That's what I asked when I got inside Trent's car. Sinundo niya ako dahil kukunin ko 'yung susuotin ko para sa kasal nina Paul at Orin sa susunod na linggo.
God, I didn't even know that was fast and all I can think now is they are getting married in just a few days!
Parang kailan lang noong last kong nakausap si Paul and he knew we are ovee already. But after weeks of getting okay, sinabi ko kay Paul na Trent and I are okay now so if the invitation is still open, I'd gladly accept it.
"Talaga?" he revved the engine. "Akala ko nga hindi na ako bibigyan.."
"Bakit naman?"
"I don't know.." humalakhak siya. "Malay ko kung hindi pala ako napatawad 'nun?"
Naningkit ang mga mata ko. "And why would he not forgive you?"
But he never responded to it. "Look, if what you're thinking is true, then hindi na sana sila nagpadala. But they still did. Look, Orin, the bride is a big fan of one of the movies you did before. Kahit para sa kaniya na lang.."
Orin told me that one time on the phone, nabanggit siguro sa kaniya ni Paul iyon kaya nasabi niya na favorite niya 'ung movie na ginawa nga niya noon.
"Tss.."
"Ano bang problema mo?" taka ko.
"Wala. Ginagawa mo naman kasi na dahilan iyong babae.."
"So?"
"Pupunta ako dahil pupunta ka, okay?" bigla siyang ngumiti. "Cute mo pa rin kapag nagagalit,"
I can't believe what I'm hearing so I startef throwing punches at him. I only stopped when it hit me in the head that he's driving. Fuck.
If I continue punching him, baka sa langit na lang kami magkita pa ni Paul.
Pagkarating ng mall, dumeretso na kami kaagad sa shop kung saan ko kukunin ang suit. Trent still has no idea what he'll wear.
Even if I told him about what's the motif and how he should be like when we showed up, wala pa rin siyang alam.
"Titingin na lang siguro ako.." sagot niya sa mga tanong ko tungkol doon.
When I finally grabs what I will wear, he still has no idea what he'll wear. Trent will just stare at me and tend to just look away when I'm giving back what he's throwing at me.
"Kumain ka na kanina?"
"Not yet.."
"Okay.. Kain muna tayo.." bigla niya akong hinigit sa bewang.
Umasa ako na magtatagal iyon. But that never happened. His touch stays on mine for a brief second but it immediately fades away and put it back in his pockets.
Gusto kong maniwala na baka dahil nasa mall kami. Na kahit he's in all disguise so people won't recognize him, he didn't want to put me in everyone's attention.
But a little part of me is saying na it's not that case. Na something was off from him or something is stopping him from owning again what owns before.
Ako rin naman.
Hindi ko pa rin alam kung anong mangyayari sa amin. Basta ang alam ko lang ay masaya ako at siya na magka-usap, na wala nang galit. Just that.
Siguro hindi pa talaga oras para bumalik ss talagang anong merong kami rati.
Waiting means patience but it also pushes someone to give up because it's taking too long.
Kahit ayokong isipin, naiisip ko pa rin na... ilang taon na.. imposible na siguro na maghintay si Trent nang taon na naman. Ilang taon na kaming wala, ilang taon na puro galit sa isa't-isa ang tanging alam tapos hindi pala.
Siguro normal lang na ganito maramdaman. We're giving back or fulfilling something that was once abused before.
Nagkuwekuwento siya tungkol sa bagong project na gusto niyang tanggapin. But his manager, bago na uli, Jasper still briefing about the information about the movie he's interested in.
Kaya hanggang ngayon ay wala pa rin siya balita kung tanggap ba siya o hindi.
"But it's almost one hundred percent sure?" tanong ko.
"Oo naman.. Hintay na lang talaga sa kaniya, we'll start kaagad kapag okay na."
"When will you start, then?"
"Next month siguro.."
"Okay.."
"Huwag sana muna maibigay ni Jasper 'yung signal. Kapag nabigay ngayon o bukas, baka sa susunod na linggo e start na kami." puno ng pangamba niyang bitaw.
"And? So?"
"Hindi kita masasamahan.."
"'Yun lang?" tumawa ako. "Hindi naman kita in-obligado na sumama ah?"
"Gusto ko sumama kasi pupunta ka.." ngiti nito. "Pero kung sakali man na matuloy, liliban muna ako. Hindi naman siguro masama na kahit isang araw lang at masamahan ka, 'di ba?"
Nag-iwas ako ng tingin dahil nagkulay kamatis ang mukha ko. "Fine.."
The day went the usual, mabilis ang araw ngunit mabagal ang gabi.
Ayoko pang umuwi. Sakto na ayaw pa niyang umuwi kaya nagpagpasyahan na muna namin na maglakad sa tabi ng bay para malibang.
We were silent the whole time, it bothers me that he was silent, he's more silent than he was before. Namiss ko iyong kahit post ng mga dati niyang kaklase ay sinasabi niya sa akin.
But I guess I'll get used to it. Besides, people do really changed after a moment of time.
Change is really bound to happen to anyone.
And what's funny is that I can notice and hear what had changed on him but I couldn't figure out what perhaps changed on me. Ang alam ko lang, ang nagbago sa akin ay nawalan ako ng isang tao sa buhay ko.
That's all.
If I ask him about it, would he answer me? But how can he answer it when we're both away from each other for a long time? Sure, just like me, he don't check me because he's mad at me.
There's no way that he'll notice what I'm thinking right now.
Umupo muna kami sa ibabaw ng stonewall nang mapagod maglakad. Nakatitig lang ako sa madilim na lake habang sinasabay ko sa hangin ang dalawa kong binti.
"Hindi ako sanay na tahimik ka.."
Finally, he talk.
I glanced at him and attempt to coax him with just my eyes. "I have nothing to say, that's why.."
"Pero hindi ka naman ganiyan dati.." hindi ko mahinuha kung malungkot ba siya o disappointed siya sa sinabi.
"Well, you are not that silent, too." ngiti ko. "You changed, Trent. Let's accept that fact. Me? Maybe I did. Maybe I don't."
I don't want to shove the idea of him, changed, right in front of his face. Trent was never a stupid person, he'll get it. He's a grown up man now.
Hindi siya kaagad nakasagot. "Hindi ko naman naiisip 'yan. Ang naiisip ko..."
I waited. "Ang daming taong nasayang.."
That made me stop from waiting. He puts out his glasses and I almost told him to put it back on, but I was too weak to either to do of that. Right now, I'm more satisfied to see the face I once loved in my life before.
I do want to trace the scar of his face.
His lashes, his nose, his lips, his moles... I want to run over my fingers through his hair but I couldn't find the urge to do any of those.
Not in this public place.
"Ilang beses ko nang sinabi sa'yo pero.. nagsisisi talaga ko na bakit kailan ko lang nakita lahat... may kutob na talaga ako.. Pero kailan pa naging totoo ang kutob, hindi ba?"
Walang salitang lumabas sa akin. "Gusto kong humingi ng sorry.."
"You already said that so many times.." but I guess it's bad that my mouth omits every of it because it sounds like bad or what.
"Yes.. But it's not enough.." he broke the eyes at me and stare at the bay. I did the same thing.
"Sorry kasi.. naniwala ako.."
Bumalik sa akin ang tingin niya. There's a fleeting silence after it. "Sorry kasi... ang tanga ko para maniwala kaagad.. Alam ko naman na mahal mo rin naman ako noon.. Kasi kung hindi, bakit ka pa bumalik sa akin, 'di ba? Kasi kung hindi, e 'di sana nasayang 'ung paghihintay ko ng ilang taon?"
Tumango ako. "Pero hindi kita sinusumbatan sa taon na hinintay ko noon.. Malinaw naman sa akin na... sabi mo na kung kaya ko lang.. You didn't obligate me to really do it pero dahil gusto talaga kita, naghintay ako.."
I know that, of course. "Ang tanga ko lang sa part na mas naniwala ako sa kaniya, kay Tiffany kahit na alam ko na mas nakakausap at kilala kita kaysa sa kaniya.."
Hinilamos niya ang parehong palad sa mukha. "Gusto ko talagang humingi ng sorry kasi binitawan kita kaagad. Kung ano tayo, binitawan ko na lang kahit hindi pala dapat."
Gusto ko na siyang hawakan pero nanghihina na ako kaya hinayaan ko na lang ang mata na gawin iyon sa kaniya. Matagal siya bago nakapagsalita.
Naghihintay na baka may isunod pa pero dumaan na ang nagtitinda ng sorbetes ay wala pa rin siyang salita.
"But you do believe that I did that?" tanong ko. Gusto ko lang malaman kasi pakiramdam ko kapag nawala na ang tanong na iyon sa loob ko ay magiging okay na uli.
He shrugs from his seat, "Pinangunahan ako ng galit... sorry.."
Tumango ako. I couldn't blame him. We work hard but the two works harder than us. With just fabricated truths, they destroy our lives just to fill their selfish needs.
"Don't be.." I switch from my seat where I can see him properly. "I do want to say sorry too kasi... I really thought you abandoned me and us.. Kaya nagalit din ako sa'yo.."
His eyes fixated on mine. "Noon sa firm, okay lang ako kahit na ang dami kong iniisip. Actually, si Von nag-introduce sa akin doon sa firm.."
"I know.." mahina niyang bulong.
"Kasi sabi niya, if I went with him and started working, I'd forget everything I have in my chest, in my life. He said that it's a good start for me after.." umangat ang kamay ko sa kaniya. "You bring back all of my things.."
He nods, "Noong tinulak kita sa tapat ng department namin... bakit ka nandoon?"
I didn't get the chance to ask Ellis about it. Kasi hindi na niya inangkat ang nangyari matapos noon. Now that he's just in flesh right at me, might as well to question him.about it.
"Alam mo na lahat noong time na 'yon?" I asks.
Mabilis siyang umiling. "I have one proof that day.. pero hindi ko sigurado kung totoo ba.."
"Kaya mo ako gustong kausapin?"
"Yes..."
Katahimikan uli. "Sorry talaga, Stefan... Kung nararamdaman mo lang kung gaano ko pinagsisisihan ang katangahan ko noon... hindi sana nangyari 'to. Wala sanang nasayang na panahon.."
Umiling ako. "Pero tama lang din na nangyari iyon.."
"Bakit?"
"Ang dami mong naging project. Naging kilala ka rin kahit papaano." ngiti ko. "You know that it's my dream for you, right? To be a great actor and be famous for it?"
Namula ang pisngi niya. "Masyado tayong nakatingin sa masamang nangyari pero hindi naman lahat sinira sa atin.."
"Natupad ko rin 'yung pangarap ko.. I worked in a good firm, you did a great job to your acting career. Somehow, that is the only thing that matters now, Trent."
Tumango siya. Tumalon ako sa kinauupuan nang ipatong niya ang palad sa kamay ko. "Thank you.."
"Para saan?"
"Kasi naniwala ka sa akin.. Uli.."
Humalakhak ako. "How can I not believe in you when you gave me a tons of papers that shows we are innocent, played by dark gamers?"
That was enough to appease and make him smile again. I let the cold wind be what we have for a while before I started talking again.
"You're silent because of that?"
It's getting late. Marami na rin ang umaalis sa pwesto nila. Parang kami na lang ang natira. "Ano pa ba?" he chuckles.
Pasimple kong inikot ang kamay, na para bang nanginginig sa lamig hanggang pareha nang magkadikit ang pareha naming palad.
His warmth was enough to take away my coldness inside. "Why?"
He scoffs after and stared at nowhere. "Hindi ko rin alam... Para kasing kahit anong gawin ko ngayon.. pwede uli maging dahilan para mawala ka.."
Gusto kong humalakhak ngunit hindi dapat. "I hate when a simple word can make me feel scared about what could happen kung sinabi ko.. sa'yo.. Kasi parang anytime, bigla na lang uli mawawala.."
"At ayoko na uli.." tinitigan niya ako. "Gagawin ko lahat para hindi ka na uli mahila palayo. Tama na 'yung ilang taon, Stefan. Baka puwede naman nang tayo naman ang maging masaya, hindi ba?"
Hangga't pag-uwi dala ko iyon. Kahit wala na siya sa harap o tabi ko, dala ko pa rin iyon. Pagkatapos ko maligo matapos ang mahabang araw, nahiga na ako kasama ang telepono.
Nakatitig ako sa huling text sa akin ni Trent. It was from earlier and hindi ako nakareply kasi nasa labas na siya kaagad kanina.
Matagal akong nakatitig hanggang um-echo na naman sa isipan ko ang sinabi niya kanina.
"Baka puwede namang tayo naman ang maging masaya, hindi ba?"
I want to believe that he may be pointing at he wants to be happy now. Not be happy with me. Pero anong magagawa ko? Daig ko pa ang mga hindi talaga nakakapagsalita dahil napipi ako nang sabihin niya iyon.
Dinalaw na ako ng antok kaya bago pa man ako uli mahila ng mahabang tulog, agad akong nagtipa. Nagtipa ng reply na ngayo'y hinding-hindi ko na pagsisisihan.
You're right, Redido.. Maybe it's time for us now.. Maybe it's not bad to let ourselves be the one to feel happiness now.. Maybe it's really good to at least start at the scratch now..
Because in that way, we'll start with nothing but assurance nothing will put us away again. We'll be inseparable, baby.. I can promise you that now...
Right before my eyes start to feel heavy, I typed my reply to him. A reply I know I'll never ever feel regret sending.
***
Trent called me the next day, asking me if I can fetch Tito Gessy sa port dahil kakatapos lang niya sa pagsampa sa barko. I immediately said yes kasi alam ko naman na busy siya dahil doon sa sinasabi niyang project.
He mentioned Jasper has some plans already and that's why they are fixing it already. Sinabi niya rin na kung sakaling magstart this week, sisiguraduhin niya na makakasama siya sa kasal.
I don't know why but he feels determined on going with me. Ano bang meron at gustong-gusto niya sumama? I don't think he and Paul are in good terms already.
I managed to have an umbrella while waiting for the ship to stop from the edge. Approximately ay eleven or twelve noon nandito na si Tito Gessy.
God. It's been a while since I last heard of him. The last time was... when he called me from my house and asked if Trent was already in Aurora Province, kung nasaan kami ni Von noon.
After that, wala na. And months after that, ngayon uli kami magkikita. It makes me feel itchy and nervous because we never had the best conversation after what happened in the firm. Umalis ako noon kaagad at hindi na sila nakita pa.
Dagdag pa ang banta ni Von sa kanila kaya mas lalo lang naging mahirap.
I was pulled in my reverie when a familiar sound echoed the whole place. The next thing I knew, papalapit na si Tito Gessy sa akin na may malaking ngiti sa labi.
He never let go of me kahit na pumasok na kami sa kotse. When I got into my car, he's all smile while staring at me.
"Akala ko nagloloko lang ang anak ko na ikaw susundo sa akin.." mahina ngunit bahid ng saya niyang sabi.
"Ah... He called me earlier Tito.." that sounds weird to me. It's been a while since I called him that..
"Nakakatuwa naman na tinatawag mo na ako uli na Tito.."
Kung hindi pa ako tumingin sa kaniya, dahil nasa daan ang atensyon ko ay hindi ko pa mapapansin na umiiyak na pala siya.
"Tito.." alo ko. "May nararamdaman po ba kayo?"
Papalit-palit ang tingin ko sa daan at sa kaniya. And when the light turns red, I made him face me.
"W-wala, Stefan.. Anak wala ito.." tawa niya. "Natutuwa lang ako kasi... ang daming nangyari.. akala ko hindi ko na maririnig na tawagin mo ako o kausapin ako matapos lahat ng nangyari.."
Gusto kong magtanong kung alam niya ba ang nangyari? Sa lahat ng narinig ko sa kaniya noong nagka-usap kami saglit, nabanggit niya na sa akin lang daw niya nakitang masaya ang anak.
Ngayon lang nagsink-in lahat. If he really meant that... that means Trent really loved me.
"Humihingi ako ng pasensya kung ano man ang nangyari, lalo na doon sa trabaho mo, ha?"
"Okay lang po... Tapos naman na po.."
"Nakakahiya sa mga kasamahan mo doon..."
Umiling ako at inayos ang suot niyang sumbrero. He's not getting younger day by day. Nakikita ko na talaga ang future ni Trent sa harapan ko.
"Wala naman nang nakaalam, Tito.." alo ko. "At saka, wala na po ako roon. Nagresign na po ako.."
Bigla siyang natigilan doon. Nagtanong kung bakit pero hindi ko naman masasagot kung bakit at masasagot nang maayos dahil... nagmamaneho ako.
I asked him if he wants to take a lunch or what and said na kahit doon na lang namin pag-usapan. Kasi masama na magkwento ako habang nagmamaneho.
There's no way I'm gonna wager our lives by dwelling too much in the past already.
***
I have never been this okay since the waves washed everything I know about Von Ruke.
We ate after I fetch him from the port and told him everything that transpired that day. I shouldn't feel shock when he told me that he also knew what they did to us but what can I do? It's already done.
Everything seems to be back to what it was. Inuwi ko siya sa kanila, sa dati pa rin nilang bahay na walang alinlangan o pagsisisi sa puso ko.
The talk I had with him really helped me, and him to move on to what happened. Because that's what matters now.
We are gonna be okay again.
As soon as Trent asked me to come over, I did. And he told me that they'll move the shooting next week, because the wedding is taking place on Thursday.
"How did that happen?"
This is not his old condo. Bago na uli at mas malaki pa kaysa sa dati. Hindi ko alam ang dahilan kung bakit lumipat siya pero tama lang siguro.
We had memories to that place but every time I think about it, all I can say in my mind was the things I had there was mailed back at me.
Kahit na siguro hindi naman intensyon iyon pero... hindi ko na talaga mapigilan maisip iyon. Guessed that it will stamped in my mind forever.
"Um-oo naman sila kaagad 'nung sinabi ko!" balik niyang sagot.
Naupo ako sa isang sofa na nakaswing malapit sa bukana ng balcony. I can see his back, peeing in the toilet with an open door.
Namula kaagad ang pisngi ko.
"You bribed them?" tumawa ako.
Doon siya tumingin sa akin, "Wala naman akong malaking pera.."
Humalakhak ako lalo at lumabas na lang sa balcony. After all of his box-officed films, wala siyang pera? I doubt if there's no money hitting his account hours and hours.
Nanatili ako roon na nakatitig sa mga building, sa mga tao sa ibaba namin, nakabilad man sa init pero hindi ko dinaing.
My heart leaps from my chest when he snakes his one arm on me, "Can I hug you?"
He sounds like asking for a candy that he can't have because it's already dinner time. Tumango ako at mismong ako na ang naglagay ng isa niyang kamay sa bewang.
"How was it?" he asks.
"Ang alin?"
"Tatay and you.."
Napalunok ako. "Good... Hindi niya sinabi sa'yo?"
Umiling siya. "Wala siya uli. Nasa mga kumpare niya.."
"Nagkuwentuhan lang. At sinabi ko lahat ng nangyari, noong nasa firm mga ganoon.." bumaba ang tingin ko. "I also said sorry because I didn't even get the chance to save him from your mother.."
"Huh?"
Binanggit ko uli sa kaniya iyong time na nagmakaawa si Tito na kausapin ako pero nagtapos lang sa sigawan nilang dalawa ng dating asawa. Agad din naman niyang nakuha.
"Naintindihan naman niyan 'yun.."
"I know.. and thank God, he did.... Para kasing ang laki ng kasalanan ko.."
"Bakit gustong-gusto mo na ilagay sa'yo lahat ng sisi?" he sniffs my neck. "Hindi lang naman ikaw ang pwedeng magkamali."
I tilted my head so he couldn't reach my tickle. "I can't help it... Ang dami kong kung hindi dahil sa akin sa isipan ko. Sinabi ko nga sa kaniya at ganiyan din sinabi niya sa akin.."
"Sabi ko sa'yo, e.." humalakhak siya. Wala na uling nagsalita.
May bigla akong naalala. "Trent.." tawag ko.
"Hmm?"
Umalis ako sa posisyon pero humarap lang ako sa kaniya. Mas matangkad na ako sa kaniya ngayon kaya kahit ayokong ipatong ang parehang kamay sa balikat niya, wala akong nagawa.
"Naalala mo 'yung time na humihingi ka ng one year?"
Hindi niya kaagad 'yun nakuha. Nagbigay ako ng pwedeng way para maalala niya hanggang maalala na nga niya.
May kung anong dumaan sa mukha niya na hindi ko kaagad nakita. Galit? Poot? Disappointment?
"Galit ka ba sa akin noon?"
Took his seconds before he could figure out what to answer. "Konti lang. Pero hindi ko na maalala kung bakit.."
"Bakit mo naalala?"
"I had a dream about it the other night."
Hinila ko siya pabalik sa loob dahil pinagpapawisan na kami pareho. He asked me to stay on his chest when we settled on his couch. Who am I to resist?
"Wala rin akong idea kung bakit napanaginipan ko iyon. Just like you, nakalimutan ko na pero iyon nga, lumabas siya sa panaginip ko."
He's tracing my hair line with his thumb, that sends shivers down to my spine. "Normal lang. Noong nagising ako, binalikan ko iyon at 'yung talagang nangyari dati. Tapos parehas lang sila. Suot ko 'yung suot ko noon, suot mo 'yung suot mo noon. But you know what's funny about it?"
"Hindi pa.."
"It's not funny because it's weird but I find it hilarious," saglit akong tumawa. "Kasi habang nangyayari iyon, there's two me."
Biglang naningkit ang mata ni Trent sa akin. "What?"
"There's two Stefan that moment, Trent." umayos ako ng upo. "Isa roon sa kausap kita tapos isa na medyo malayo sa dalawa.."
"Panaginip nga 'yan.." napailing siya. "Kung may dalawang Stefan man talaga, ikaw lang pipiliin ko.."
"Ako? E ako rin naman 'yung isa.."
But he was ecstatic to what he said. "Basta ikaw lang.."
Umirap ako at bumalik sa puwesto. "Iyon nga, dalawang ako ang nandoon. Nakakagulat kasi dapat ako 'yung nasa harapan mo pero ako 'ung isang Stefan na nanonood sa dalawa.."
He never talk again. "Narinig ko lahat ng usapan, lahat ng hininga at malalalim na bugso ng hininga ay dinig ko. But you know, I come up to the idea na baka sinadya na ako 'yung nanonood kasi it lead me to the stupidest thing I did that day.."
"Ano?"
"Sinabi mo kasi sa akin na ilang taon ka naghintay, pero hindi ka nanumbat. Parang sinabi mo lang na naghintay ka para sa akin.."
At tumigil ako saglit. "Hindi ko na maalala 'yung susunod.."
"Then don't... Malulungkot ka na naman, e.."
"Hindi... Pero clear na narealize ko na ang tanga ko kasi... ikaw nakayang maghintay pero ako.. isang taon lang, hindi ko kaya.."
Bigla siyang natigilan. He probably processed everything in. "Ewan ko. Hindi ko na talaga marecall pero ganun na lang naisip ko noong nagising ako.."
"Sorry kasi hindi ko kayang maghintay.. Ikaw kinaya mo para sa akin pero ako para sa'yo? Ang tanga ko naman na hindi ko magawa.."
Alam ko marami pa siyang gustong sabihin pero talagang gusto niya nang manirahan sa kung anong meron, at huwag na sa nakaraan.
Instead of giving comments, he just pulled me more in until I can only breathe with inhaling his scent. He asked me if he can do something to halt me from dwelling in the past... but I'm not. Napanaginipan ko lang naman at siguro sinadya iyon para makahingi talaga ako ng sorry sa kaniya. To answer his question, I reach for something that will really make me forget, but not just for mine, but for him, too.
A groan escaped his lips before I continue what I'm doing. See? One move and everyone was washed away already.
***
"Do you think Paul's gonna get mad?"
Kumunot ang noo ko sa naririnig sa kabilang linya. "Hindi kita maintindihan, Redido.."
Malalim siyang huminga sa kabilang linya, seriously? He's just making me feel anxious about his reluctant tone now.
"What is it, Trent Allsen Redido?"
"G-gusto kasing sumama ni Tatay sa atin, baby. Nakita niya 'yung invitation at kahit sa hotel at beach lang daw siya.."
Bumulusok ang tawa sa akin. He roares from the other line while I'm catching my breath because of laughing. Seriously, Trent? Doon lang pero para kang may kausap na babaril sa'yo?
"Baby naman.." bigo niyang sabi sa kabilang linya.
"'Yun lang kasi e parang takot na takot kang magsabi.." humalakhak ako. "Then let's include him. Sabi mo kahit sa hotel o beach lang siya, hindi naman magagalit si Paul.."
"Pero kung magalit?"
I groaned, "Just follow me, Trent, okay? Hindi naman sisirain ni Paul ang kasal nilang dalawa ni Orin dahil kasama niya si Tito.."
He was engulfed in long silence. "Tell him already. Luluwas na tayo mamayang gabi. Nakahanda na ako, tell him to pack already..."
"Kagabi niya nakita at kagabi pa siya naka-impake.."
Another laugh ebbed in me. "Then that's good! Hintayin ko na lang kayong dalawa mamaya.."
Bago ko mababa ang tawag, narinig ko ang thank you ni Tito kaya wala akong magawa kundi natawa na lang.
Guess it's our time now to be happy, eh?