#WhatWouldItBe | 18+
First year is fucking done!
Nakaalis na ang class beadle namin peeo hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala. Von was out beside me kasi kausap niya ang iba naming kaklase and yet... hindi pa rin ako makapaniwala na natapos ko ang isang taon!
It was never an easy way to take! And alam ko na mas marami pang mahihirap na daan kaming tatahakin but gah! I do want to jump like a kid who just won a big candy but I can't.
First, nakakahiya. I'm in a star section and it's a shame if a student from it was so childish to think about it. Second, pakiramdam ko walang pakialam ang iba kong kaklase na natapos nila ang first year namin!
As in nang sabihin sa amin na we're heading in second year, halos walang nagsalita! I did but mentally only! Everyone looks the same when it was announce!
Na para bang expected na nila na magmomove forward sila sa second year! I couldn't blame them though, mas studious naman talaga sila kaysa sa akin na iniiyak ang isang assignment kasi dagdag na naman.
I'm happy while I'm on my way home. Wala si Von dahil may sumundo sa kaniya. Sabi lang niya na kita na lang kami bukas, because I'm too happy to answer, I just let him be.
Pagkatapos kong maligo ay agad akong nagchat sa group chat namin. I barely reply or get engaged with them kasi busy na talaga ako noon. I even hide it under the stove para hindi ko mapansin at hindi mawili na magphone kaysa magbasa.
Raval Ste Fan
Hey? Any updates from u guys? Just wanna say I passed the first year! Kayo? Chat back when you feel like it! Vacation is here!
Von fulfilled what he said last night. Kinabukasan, namataan ko siya sa tapat namin at nag-aaya na manood daw kami ng sine.
Agad naman akong um-oo tutal nakalimutan ko na ang pakiramdam na nasa sinehan. Literal na bahay-school-coffee shop-library lang ang route naming dalawa.
We can't even take a weekend getaway or what kasi kahit weekends ay may pasok kami. Ganoon kalala, hindi ko rin alam kung paano namin nakayanan.
Hinayaan ko si Von na pumili ng papanoorin. Although I suggested we should watch a new drama I'm seeing in Facebook, sabi niya ay huwag daw.
"Bakit naman?" tumitig ako sa poster.
Even the artists was unrecognizable from me. Ganoon na ba tinake-away ng Law school ang youth ko? Agad-agad?
Madilim niya akong tiningnan, "Ang saya mo tingnan ngayon, ayokong lumabas tayo na nakabusangot ka na naman."
"Grabe ka!" sinipa ko ang sapatos niya. "Drama nga, e! What do you want people to do while watching drama? Tumawa?"
"Pwede rin.."
Inirapa ko na lang siya at pinili ang bagong comedy na movie. Right after buying, hindi muna kami pumasok since the movie is free seating.
We settled to one restaurant and said what I want to eat. Binigyan ko siya ng pera uli at tinanggap niya iyon.
"Ako na maghahanap ng table.." tumango siya at nagsimula na ako maglakad paalis sa linya.
Hindi ganoon ka-occupied ang buong resto kaya nakahanap din ako kaagad. A sudden unfamiliar feeling crept in my heart.
Agad ko namang nakilala iyon.
Sometimes, we go here to buy some materials we need. And lagi, as in kapag aalis kami ay hindi puwedeng hindi ko dala ang mga babasahin ko.
Von was pissed about it kasi mukha raw akong tanga na ang daming hawak-hawak. Sorry naman kung ganoon, no? Hindi naman kasi ako kagaya niya na okay lang kahit iwan!
I suddenly feel small because he graduated in a course na sobrang layo sa Law yet he's doing a good thing.
Ako ay? I graduated with a knowledge about law yet... napaka unfair!
Habang naghihintay sa kaniya, I checked my messages again. Tiningnan ko ang group chat namin at wala namang announcement.
Hindi nabubuhay ang group chat ng section namin unless magsend ng assignments or files na kailangan idownload ang class beadle.
Hanggang sa technology, my classmates are still robots. Tahimik sa classroom, tahimik pa rin hanggang sa app.
Napaisip tuloy ako sa kung nasaan sila ngayon. Isa lang naman ang siguradong sagot.
They are probably having an advance readings! Sila pa? Ako na may galing sa fraternity na notes ay hindi pa rin gusto magbasa.
Sometimes, I do think it is unfair but it is really not.
Baka tamad nga lang ako.
My message was not yet seen by anyone. Mukhang busy pa rin sila. Especially Nale, hindi na kami talaga nagkakausap because he's in UW at busy talaga kaming pareho.
Pero kilala na siya ni Von, I introduced him via video call, one time sa free time naming dalawa ni Nale.
The two get easily all along. Akala ko kung ano pang mangyayari pero wala namang kakaiba.
I saw from my peripheral that Von's already walking right towards kaya dapat isasara ko na ang phone nang may biglang nagchat.
I thought it's mama or may nagreply na sa chat ko but no...
"Woah..."
Anticipation rolled up like sleeves in my nerves as I wait for Paul's message! Oh God, it's been... a good year!
Maski sa kaniya ay wala na akong balita. Not because I'm obliged to but hello? He sent me a good luck flower when he saw my application form sa RST na pinost ko sa Facebook!
Paul Valreeno
Wow! Congrats, Stefan! Alam mo na... wait for my gift, okay? Congrats, future Attorney! Keep it up!
We never had a formal conversation after that scene in his car. But him.. still like this... gah... I wanna know if I didn't let my ex enter my heart, siguro kami pa rin hanggang ngayon?
All I knew from him was he's still with his girlfriend and they are going strong... Just the thought of it... will it happen to us if we're still together and things didn't happened?
Raval Ste Fan
Hey! Omg, thanks! Pero Paul, grabe ka, don't do it na! Bigay mo na lang sa girlfriend mo! Your congrats' already enough! Thank you thank you thank you! I miss you! Kita tayong tatlo, soon! :3
"Kinakabahan ako sa ngiti mo," binaba ni Von ang mga pagkain sa harapan ko.
Mabilis kong tinago ang phone at mabilis siyang tinulungan.. "Kanina ayaw mo mawala ngiti ko, ngayon kinakabahan ka naman.. Are you high?"
He snickered and put down the tray beside him. We started eating. "So, what's with all smile? Someone sent you a full supply of codals?"
"Puwede ba 'yun?" tumawa ako. "Wala. Just an old friend na nag congrats sa akin. I'm just happy because people around me are really supportive.."
"Why do I feel like you're saying I don't believe in you?"
"Hindi ko sinabi 'yan..."
"Do you doubt myself in yourself?" tanong niya, malalim ang tingin.
Inirapan ko siya. "Of course not! Kung ano-ano naiisip mo ah!"
May tiwala naman ako sa kaniya, at alam ko rin naman na siya rin sa akin ay may tiwala. Kami na nga lang nagtutulungan, tapos tatablahin pa namin ang isa't-isa?
"And for your notes, you were the one who told me that Law school shouldn't be a competition. We all have the same dream and title to have soon, so why bring others down just to be up there?"
Matagal niya akong tinitigan bago tumango. "Point well taken.."
Tumawa na lang ako at nagpatuloy sa pagkain. Right after eating, nag-ikot muna kami at tumingin ng possible books na puwedeng kunin.
In the middle of shopping, they replied to my text, saying the same thing I said to them! Oh my God, we all passed first year! And they want to celebrate!
***
"Why are you still wearing that?!" sigaw ko kay Von nang mapansin na nakasuot pa rin ang isang airpod niya sa tenga.
The music is booming in the speakers, na para bang gusto nitong tumakas nang husto sa loob. The night is so young yet the music and people around us feels like old enough to party anymore.
Nasa tabi ko lang si Nale at kanina pa rin sila umiinom. Just like what they said, agad silang nag book ng reservation para uminom sa Bar Panalo after announcing na we all passed first year!
Para kaming tanga kanina dahil nag-iyakan kami nang magkita kaming lahat.
But we couldn't contain the happiness in our heart! Akalain mo 'yun, we survived the trial part of Law school?
Von's forehead crease. "Saan?!" sigaw niya pabalik.
Tinuro ko uli ang tenga niya. "Remove it or you won't enjoy the night!"
Sa panahon na 'to, I don't care anymore if my classmates are having and advance reading now. Pwede ko naman 'yun gawim bukas! Sa susunod na araw!
I hate that I'm pushing myself too much to do things the way how they handle themselves. We don't have to do the things the same way.
Mariin siyang umiling at tinungga ang beer sa harapan. I don't know if I should stay sober or get drunk. Kasi si Von? Kanina pa namumula ang mukha.
He's tan, I'm way more lighter than him but mas halata ang mukha sa maliit niyang mukha. Gusto ko ring maging ganoon but who would drive us pauwi?
Lahat ng mga kaibigan ko ay lasing na. I can't take if I get drunk too. Natapos nga namin ang first year, literal naman na pumasok kami ng langit after this.
That's why I need to stay at least sober for us. Kasi kung hindi kaya ni Von magmaneho, ako na lang.
Wala rin naman kasi sa plano ko ang maglasing. Yes, I do miss it but it's just the fun of being in the middle of sea of people. Iyon lang.
Sadyang sila lang talaga gustong mag level up.
"Can't. My ears feels like throbbing inside," inayos niya ang malaking suot na salamin.
He's wearing a big sunglasses na transparent, just blue jeans and white shoes. So simple yet it outstands him from any of the guys here.
"If that's what you want," I head bang my head when the music changed.
Ilang saglit lang ay biglang lumapit ang lasing na Nale sa akin. Akala ko siya lang, only to see him with someone else!
"Kyd, this is the friend I'm talking about! Stefan! He's also a law student like me!" pakilala niya sa akin sa lalaki.
What the fucking hell, Nale? I only agreed to be with here, not to meet with someone else!
"Hi, Stefan," the chinito guy said. I can tell he's drunk too kasi sobrang pula ng mukha.
"Hello.." pinatulan ko na lang dahil malakas ang loob ko na they don't know what they are doing.
Mabilis din silang umalis pero akala ko tapos na! Nale introduced me to almost six guys! Sa sobrang dami at bilis ng pangyayari, wala na akong naalalang pangalan!
"Nale, let Stefan have fun on his own. He's clearly uncomfortable to what you're doing," salba sa akin ni Von.
Alam ko na kanina niya pa kami pinapanood at napuno na rin siya siguro sa ginawa ni Nale.
I didn't know if he get offended pero mabilis siyang tumango at hindi na bumalik pa.
I looked up to Von, only to see him having a bad breathing while staring at me.
He's clearly drunk.
Humingi ako ng tubig at mabilis na nilagok iyon. I don't know what happened but I suddenly feel the urge to escape this place.
"Ihi lang ako," sigaw ko malapit kay Von. He merely nod his head before I made a way.
I found myself at the back area of Bar Panalo. Alam ko 'to dahil minsan nang sumuka si Nale rito noon.
Unlike from the inside, here is way more quite and calm. Yes, I can still hear the boom of shouts and music from inside but not too much.
Naupo ako sa isang kalapit na bench doon at mariin na pumikit.
Right moment when I did it, memories flashed my mind. Okay sana kung memories ko noong first year.. but no...
My memories with Trent flooded my mind with no apparent reason.
Bigla akong nakaramdam ng discomfort pagka-isip ko noon. Bakit ko siya iisipin kung sigurado na hindi na talaga niya ako iniisip?
Or maybe my mind just wondering what would be my life if we're still together. Will I still get along with Von? I don't think so. Seloso si Trent at susundin ko siya kapag sinabi niya na layuan ko ang isang tao.
Ang dami.. ang daming what ifs na tumatakbo sa isipan ko. The last time I've seen him personally was when I saw him in the convenience store. Na 'ung sinundan niya pa ako sa building ng gym.
Thank God Von didn't followed me kasi sigurado na magtatanong siya bakit may nakasunod sa akin na artista.
Hindi niya pa rin kasi alam.
After I said that I don't know him anymore, hindi na siya muling nagpakita pa. Dapat lang. After what he did, after he swallowed the promises he made? Bahala siya sa buhay niya.
"I don't know what you wanted so just pick one.."
Napatalon ako kaunti sa upuan, nakita ko si Von na may hawak ng tray na pagkain. Nagulat ako sa nakita dahil paano niya ako nakita at nahanap?
Hindi ko naman sinabi na dito ako pupunta!
"Why did you left the dance floor?" I pat the vacant seat of the bench for him.
"Kasi umalis ka.." mahina niyang sagot.
"Tsk... Kaya nga kita iniwan para magsaya, e.." ngumiti ako sabay kuha ng burger sa tray niya. "I can't stay drunk because I still need to drive us, kung malalasing ka."
"I'm just sober.."
"Nope. If you are, you'll be like me.."
"Like you what?"
Sinundot ko ang namumula niyang pisngi, "I'm not in red face because I'm sober. You clearly are so you're drunk.."
Tumawa siya. An unknown laugh from his mouth. Ngayon ko lang narinig.
"Maybe I am.. Maybe I don't.." pikit-dilat niyang sabi.
Tumawa lang ako at inubos na lang ang pagkain. He didn't utter any words after. Hindi ko na kinain ang fries sa tray niya dahil busog na ako.
Ang laki naman kasi ng burger na binigay niya.
Mabilis akong tumayo at tinapik ang balikat. Tiningala niya ako, "Balik na tayo sa loob?"
I watched him put down the tray. Akala ko hihilain niya na ako sa loob, but my mind panicked when he didn't.
He pulled me hanggang makarating kami sa masukal na garden ng Bar Panalo.
It's really dark in here, the only light was from the moon na hindi natatakpan ng mga sanga ng mga puno.
Right before I could even utter a question why he pulled me here, he did the move Paul did to me before.
Halo-halong lasa ng alak ang nalalasahan ko sa kaniya. He's kissing me torridly, like he's waiting for time to come to kiss me like this.
My eyes' still in shocked when he let me stand with the big tree behind me. I can only hear the birds chirpinh and our mouths.
I don't know what he's doing but I'm falling for it.. this is what I felt too... when Paul pulled me in and started kissing me.
The moment I closed my eyes and let my friend kiss the shit out of me, my heart leap upon the sudden contact of his big palm on my pelvis!
He literally put his dam hand inside my pants that one more move, he'll be touching me there!
"Fuck... just one time... let me do it one time.." he whispered when he let go kissing my lips.
The next thing I knew, he's taking me down there. My fingers intertwined in his hair, pulling and guiding his head to my self.
Next minutes, I all knees and taking the whole out of him. He gets bigger and bigger as I traced his lining with my mouth and tounge.
He kept hissing, cursing, calling my name so sexy that made me play with myself.
This is really wrong.
This is really bad to us.
But just like what happened before, my mind don't want to stop.
And Von couldn't stop.
Would he still remember this tomorrow? Ayoko munang isipin but when he started hitting me in my back, that's why I did while calling and cursing his name in agony.
"Fucking fuck, S-stefan... You're so fucking tight.." he whispered like a cold win in my hair.
My eyes went all white as I felt him growing more inside me. I thought he's all big when my mouth is taking him but now... para akong damit na napupunit sa sakit.
My right hand is tracing the body of the tree while the other is holding the sides of his hips, guiding and meeting his thrusts in me.
Will I regret this soon? Yes.
But can I stop? I don't think so.
Punong-puno na ng pawis ang mukha at leeg ko. When he changed my position and take me in again while facing me, I kissed him so bad again.
He's kissing me bad while thrusting so hard and good inside me.
Our mouth, our skin down there... was all we could hear.
Alam ko.. alam ko na may makakakita sa amin but.. I don't care anymore...
I just want him to reach his climax so we can go back to what we have before.
The one we have before, not the one like this that looks like an eager person for sex.
I couldn't blame him, I also couldn't remember when was the last time this happened to me and Trent...
"You're still tight and I'm close... so close babe.." he said when our lips let go.
He's really carrying my whole body. My jeans is on the ground and he's still wearing his in his feet.
"Shit.. Shit... S-stefan... I like you!" one last thrust and he stopped but I can feel him oozing his seed inside me.
We're both panting but he's still not pulling it out. I looked up, only for him to kiss me like this will be the last time he could kiss me.
"S-sorry..."
We're both sweaty even if the wind's so cold. No one saw us. Only the innocent moon who shines upon his supposed to be another life.