"Look who's finally back," Chris says as soon as we approach his garage. He takes the greasy gloves off his hands and wipes the back of his hand over his forehead, removing the loose strands of brown hair away from his face.
He's been fixing that car for the past week, I think to myself. It usually takes him two to three days only.
Maybe I should help him fix it.
Since it was hard to find a job early on, I volunteered to help him out in his garage a little before I got too pregnant. He taught me the basics: changing a tire, jumping a car, changing the oil.
"Hey, little one," Chris opens his arms to the little human beside me. "Come here." He waves her over but she stays put.
I glance down at my stubborn daughter and wonder why she's holding back. She adores him so I don't know why she's resisting.
"Are you suddenly too cool to hug your Uncle Chris?"
"No," she crosses her arms. "I don't want to hug you because you're dirty and stinky."
I can't help but laugh at her childish words. She's such a little diva when it comes to Chris.
"Don't encourage her," Chris warns me lightheartedly. "Is that what you're worried about, little one? Guess we're not going to the park then."
"Okay, okay," she suddenly gives in. "I will."
I watch with a smitten smile as her hesitant footsteps eventually bring her over to her uncle. He lifts her tiny body up into the air and spins her around til her high-pitched giggles fill the garage.
"Now can we go?" She asks impatiently as soon as he lets her on the ground. She's so excited, she's practically bouncing on her feet.
"Ask your mother for permission first," Chris points to me as he looks at her.
"Can we go, mommy?"
"I don't know. I still have a few things to work on."
Her small bottom lip pouts in disappointment and her hopeful, green eyes widen, pleading with me to change my mind.
"Please....pleeeaaaase."
I know I shouldn't always give in to her. It's bad for me as a mother. It'll only reinforce this kind of behavior. But when she's wearing that face, how can I resist.
"Okay," I sigh. "But only for a little while."
"Yay!" She applauds before trying to wrap her arms around my legs. My hand softly brushes the top of her head as she gazes up at me with a content grin, the only grin that can wash away all my doubts and worries.
"Go put your things in the room and I'll be up in a bit."
She nods the tiniest of nods and scampers off up the doorsteps and into the building without another word. I don't know what it is with this girl and parks. Ever since she could walk, Chris would always take her to the one down a few blocks. I blame it on him.
"You don't have to come to the park with us if you're still busy .. with that?" I tell him, flitting my chin to the used vehicle.
"No, I'm almost finished with it. Maybe a paint job and some more touches with the deck and I think this baby is good to go," he says proudly. "Hey."
"Yeah?"
"One of my friends, he saw you the other night when he came by to pick up his car, and --"
"Stop."
"What? You didn't even let me finish."
"Absolutely not."
"You didn't even let me finish!" Chris says again.
"I know where you're going and no," I persist again. "I'm not going on a blind date with some stranger."
"He's not a stranger. He's a friend."
"It's never going to happen with any of your friends. Don't you remember last time when you tried to hook me up with one of your friends?"
From the look on his face, I know he remembers. I was ditched for another girl at the bar we were having drinks at.
Hoping that that's the end of the conversation, I turn around and make my way to the doorsteps but he quickly beats me to it, blocking the stairs with his body and the width of his arms.
"No, but listen. His name is Brian. Brian Kelly."
"Sounds like a snooty politician," I comment, but he doesn't find it the least amusing. "Sorry."
"He's in marketing," he continues explaining even though I'm showing absolutely no interest. "Twenty-nine years old. Lives on the Upper East Side of New York and - and he owns a Mercedes-AMG C63."
"Okay, you lost me."
"It's a very expensive car," he clarifies. "Great mileage as well."
"You think I like guys with cool cars with great mileage?"
"Who doesn't?"
"You'd think, after almost six years of living together, you'd know me a little better."
"You'd think."
"You know how busy I am. I don't have time for boyfriends right now," I reach out and shove him to the side by the shoulders which is easier than I predicted.
I continue up the remaining steps until he opens his mouth again.
"But --"
"It's a no, Chris," I say, the words leaving my lips louder than I wanted. "I have enough on my plate. Do both of us a favor and think about your own relationship first, before thinking about mine, alright?"
"Who says I'm not thinking," he grumbles quietly to himself, and I feel slightly guilty.
I know it's mainly my fault that he doesn't have a girlfriend. I mean, it's hard enough as it is trying to explain our situation to the girls he brings back to his apartment. It's a good thing I found a new place for us to move in to. It's not official yet so I'm keeping it on the down low, but I've already called the owner and we set up an appointment later next week.
"We'll be down in a minute!" I yell out to him.
...
They tricked me. I thought we were going to the park just a few blocks down the road but nope. They wanted to go to the biggest park in the city -- Central Park. Chris decides to take her to the zoo and I tell them to meet me at the fountain when they're done.
Funnily enough, in the past five and half years that I've been in New York, I've never had the chance to come here. Juggling work and taking care of an infant took up a whole lot of my time.
White clouds decorate the light blue sky, blocking out the sun's rays, allowing me to capture photos with the best lighting. Every where I turn is a great picturesque view. The long, wide trails with the enchanting tall trees filtering out the sunlight, the bridges filled with autumn leaves, and I think most beautiful of all, the large, glistening blue lake. I'm even more surprised to stumble upon a golf course in the middle of it all.
I don't realize how quickly time passes when I glance at my watch to see that it's already half past seven. Though the sun is setting and day is passing, there are still many people here. I try to retrace my footsteps, hoping it would lead me back to the fountain where I parted with them. But as I turn a few corners and walk a few paths, the fountain is never in my sights.
As I try to capture one more photo of the New York skyline from where I stand, I notice that there's someone in bottom right of the frame, ruining the picture. With my finger steady on the capture button, I wait for the person to move but they never do. I think about giving up on the shot until he turns around.
Finally.
As I zoom in, I see him ... more clearly than before.
No ...
It can't be ... him.
It's impossible.
"Harry...." A shaky breath falls from my lips as I say his name. It comes out so unnaturally. These five years, I've never even mentioned it out loud.
My trembling hands drop the camera, and if it weren't for the strap around my neck, it would have cracked upon crashing onto the pavement. But that's the least of my worries...
Without knowing, without any sort of coherent thought, my feet takes a short stride forward ... Then another ... Then another ...
Is this all a dream? Am I dreaming?
Or am I just going crazy?
Before I know it, he disappears from my blurred vision, getting lost with the people walking by.
"Mommy!"
My head immediately snaps to the calling of my name and I'm relieved and yet somehow, disappointed, to find Chris standing right there with my girl. I swiftly wipe away the tears that had formed in my eyes and endure a grin. She bolts towards me and I meet her halfway. Once she reaches me, I pull her up and onto my hip, securing her with my arms.
"Where'd you go mommy?" She asks me, pressing both hands on either sides of my cheeks. She observes me carefully and I can't help my broadening smile.
"Sorry, I just got carried away."
"I was scared you got lost again," she frowns.
"Mommy's fine now, Charlotte," I assure, brushing a strand of her brown curls behind her tiny ear. "Thank you for saving me."
In more ways than one.
I pinch her cheek, hoping to lighten the mood. My eyes dart to the direction of where he stood...but there's no one there.
"What is it, mommy?"
I swing my attention back the sweet girl in my arms, mustering on a smile to wipe away the concern in her eyes.
"Nothing. How was the zoo?" I ask and her face instantly beams with excitement, forgetting all about what I was looking towards. Rather, who I was looking towards.
...
After cooking dinner and putting my little girl to bed, I finally have some time to put the finishing touches on my column. It's not due til the end of the week, but I want to get a head start. Just as I sit at my desk and turn on my laptop, Chris slowly props down the monitor. He seats himself on the edge of the desk and folds his hands together, wearing a serious expression.
"It's still a no," I groan, knowing he's going to pressure me about that blind date again.
"She asked me if I was her dad today."
"She what?" I freeze in my chair, my heart jumping up right at my throat. I feel like I'm going to vomit. "Oh god, I'm so sorry Chris."
"No, no it's fine."
"What did you tell her?" I had to ask. I don't even want to imagine how broken she was when he told her.
"I didn't."
What?
"What do you mean you didn't?"
"Who her father is," he answers. "I didn't tell her. It's not my place."
I let out a sigh of relief, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my fingers to ease the tension in my chest. I don't know why I'm so on edge tonight...rather I don't want to know why.
"When are you gonna tell her?" He asks.
"I don't know. I mean, I have thought about it, but I don't feel she's old enough to understand."
"Then how about him? Are you ever going to tell him?"
"No," I reply with little reluctance. "He can't know."
"He's her father," he argues, his voice rising with each word. "He deserves to know."
"I know he does."
"Then why don't you tell him?"
I have thought about how I would tell him...what I would say, where I would say it. That's if I ever see him again. My mind has gone through a million hypothetical situations in which I broke the news to him. But none of them ended well. Best case scenario would be to avoid him at all costs.
"She also deserves this," he remarks.
"I know she does," I say, my voice breaking slightly. I remove myself from the chair to pace about the room. "I know they both deserve to know. And I'm trying my hardest not to be selfish. But every time that I think about it, I'm scared that he wouldn't want us."
"You don't know that."
"It's been five and half years, Chris," I scoff, leaning my bottom against the red couch. "People move on, people change. He may not be the same person I met."
"Or there's a chance he might be."
I shake my head, refusing to listen to him. I can't bet my daughter's life on chance.
"Please, just let it be. Stop acting like you know what's best for us."
"I never said I did," he bellows and sighs frustratingly. "I'm only pushing you to do it because we know how it feels like to grow up without a father. But you have a choice. She still has a chance to have a relationship with her dad. You can't take that away from her."
I'm left speechless as he exits the room.
He's right. And I hate him for it.
...
"Be good, okay?" I say to her, as I always do every time I drop her off at school.
"I always am, mommy," she replies, dignified like she always is.
As I watch her take a few steps towards the door where the rest of children were entering, she stops unexpectedly and turns to look at me. She looks down for a minute, and I start to grow a little worried that something's wrong.
Is she not feeling well?
I pad myself over to her and hunch down to my knees to match her height. She remains still even when she glances out to look at me underneath her lashes.
"What's wrong, baby?"
She doesn't answer with words. Instead, her arms fly above my shoulders and close around my neck, leaving me surprised and no longer anxious. Though her body is small, her warmth is ineludible.
"I love you, mommy," she mumbles softly past my ear.
I thought I never wanted to love anyone. I thought I never wanted children.
But I was so wrong.
There is no existing explanation for the love I have for this little human. I never knew how much I could love someone so willingly and so unconditionally until I became a mother.
I squeeze her a bit closer to me and plant a soft kiss into her hair.
"I love you too, Charlotte."
A/n: Soooo she didn't name her Helaine, but Charlotte was one of the names harry recommended! Helaine would be too obvious for Harry, no?
Would it be too early for harry to show up in the next chapter? Let me know please! ((: