-•-TAEHYUNG-•-
"I don't have any negative things to say to her.. She's really a good girl. A kind-hearted girl. Very very perfect. She won't let anyone get hurt.. She will claim all the pain and pretend that she's fine." Raein Noona wipe her tears away as she continue her speech.
"She's really really a perfect girl for me. She always enlighten up my moods even though she have a bad past. I don't know.. I don't know how.." She cried as she kneeled down and her husband helped her to get up.
"I don't know.. I don't why.. why is it.." She didn't continue her speech as she walks out of the chapel and cried.
"Daddy.." I heard Zoe's in my back. I turned back and then I saw her with full of tears on her face. I carry her and hug her so tight.
"Yunnie ah.." It's Jin hyung.. "She's like my sister to me. She never forget to make me and us smile even though she has a dark past. She always think the positive way and always happy for everyone.. I can't blame everybody for loving her so much." Jin hyung stops as he trying himself from crying, but his tears was traitor.
He continues.. "I didn't thought.. that.. that it will be go to the things like these. I didn't expect this." He cried as he sit down and the next is Suga hyung.
Suga hyung make a small fake cough as he taps his fingers. "Hhmm.. Yunnie ah." He lifts up his head to avoid tears to fall down.
He sighs and look at us. "Soyun is really a good girl.. A kind hearted girl. She's every other boys ideal type. Very very perfect. Always smiling even though she's already hurting and always thinks the positive way. She won't tell anyone that she's already hurting, as long as everybody is happy. Such a selfless girl." Hyung shook his head as he wiped his tears away.
"I just want to say that, I really really really love her to the point that I want her to be my sister. She's really really the best girl I've ever met.." Hyung walks out of the chapel and relaxed himself.
"Taehyung ah.. Your turn." Hobie hyung taps me in my shoulder. I look at him and saw his drench face that full of tears.
I shook my head and smile bitterly and walk out as well. I can't take it. I don't know what to do. It's killing me. I feel so weak and hopeless.
I sit in one of the bench here and look up to the sky. "W-wife.." I mumbled. I feel so alone and lonely at the same time. I feel like that I will live alone forever.
"D-daddy.." It's Scarlet. I open wide my arm and hug her so tight. My kids really really needs me right now.
I want to die so that I'll be with Soyun in heaven but I need because there's so many obligations here. I don't want my kids to raise to other's hands.
She buried her face in my chest and hugs me tighter. They're same as Soyun..
"D-dad.. Don't be sad. Were here." It's Tyler. He hugs me as well and my tear roll down.
And now my kids were already suffering even though they're still kids. I should be more careful and feel them that i'm always here for them.
"Dad loves you okay?" I said between my sobs as they hug me tighter. Zoe join us and hug us tighter too.
They nod and they cried also. I don't want to see my kids crying, it's my weaknesses tho. 'Cause if they're crying it's seems like because of us, their parents. It really hurts seeing your kids crying right?
"What.. what should we do now dad?" Scarlet sobs as she wipe her tears away. She hugs Zoe as well as Tyler.
"Just always remember that Dad always loves you and never leave you okay? Dad is always in your side no matter what happens. Dad will always protect you from harm and don't worry, dad won't find another girl.. Always your... Mom okay?" I stop for a second when I say 'Mom'.. Dammit.
Soyun already have Stage 3 Lung Cancer before we knew it. That's why she's already gasping for air even though she's not doing anything. Always lack of air. Always feel tired and week. And many more.
We just know that she's positive in Stage 3 Lung Cancer just 3 years ago. I do all my best to cure her cancer. We went to different countries to find a doctor that can cure a stage 3 lung cancer.
Knowing that my wife has a lung cancer? Dammit. It's seem like I was the one who has that fcnkng disease. It really break my hearts into a pieces and always make me cry every time that seeing here feel so tired and weak.
One time, she said, she want to be alone so we let her. I know she want to think some things or about our kids. Unfortunately, my hands were shaking as I'm not feeling so comfortable about what she said, so I open the door of our room where she was and then I saw her, with a gun pointing at her head.
My knees started to be jelly as a tear roll down in my face. "W-wife.." I mumbled to get her attention. She look at me with drench face 'cause of tears.
"I. Want. To. Die.." She cried as hell as she closed her eyes and ready to kill herself.
"O-our.. K-kids." I mumbled to her. She open her eyes as she look at me pain, broken and tired. She put down her gun and put her palm on her face. I quickly went to her and hug her so tight.
She's really thin in that time. She always mumbling our kids names and always telling me those sweet words.
Her doctor tell us that she can live in just 2 years. So I really do my best to save her whatever how hard the situation is.
All of my life. This is the first time that it was happened in my whole life. It really hurts. Really really hurts.
But her doctor was false alarmed. Her doctor said that she can only live in just 2 years? But she got 1 more year and we are so blessed that she can still live in 1 year even though I can't accept it.
It's more much better if she will live with us forever. But her life were just limited. That's the most unacceptable reason for me.
She died with a reason. Maybe it's much better than she died with someone's else hand right?
She gain all the pain and aches that has in this earth when she's still on her chemo. Sometimes, I just cry if she's sleeping or if she's on her chemo so she can't see that I'm already hurting seeing her like that.
There's no day that I didn't cry. I cried because it really hurts to see her suffering and worst, she leads to death.
Sometimes, I attempt to kill myself because of all the things that was happening to her, I'm the one whose hurting the most here. I just want to die because I could not take it anymore.
I just want to tell myself that I still have 3 kids to need to grow up with their parents and grow up with love and care. Only my kids is the reason of my existence here on earth.
She passed away just a week ago. We just celebrate our anniversary last month in Hospital, not in anywhere else but after a week, when she's already fine, we decided to have a vacation in Jeju. She's not allowed to go to other country, maybe yes she's allowed but I just prefer in near so she won't feel any tiredness.
There's no time that I'm not looking at her beautiful and perfect face. I'm scared that one day, I couldn't see that face anymore. And dang! It happened. Fck.
I said to her all that's bragging in my mind. All of it. There's nothing that I didn't say.
"W-wife.. Maybe. Maybe we can't live forever anymore but let me love you forever. Don't insist me to find another girl and replace you in my heart and mind. You don't know how much I love you to the point that I don't see any girl anymore. They're just black face for me because all of my mind and heart is Soyun, Soyun and Soyun." I said that time. I don't know how I can say it to her straight.
"You will be always in my heart and mind. There's no more. You're my wife. You're the only one. I will love until I die. Even though were already not that young but always remember that Kim Taehyung was just belong to Choi Soyun. Okay?" I cupped her face and kiss her. How I missed her so much.
"H-husband.." She smiled that time. I can imagine her beautiful smile again. How I missed her so much.
"Even.. Even though Choi Soyun will die, Kim Taehyung is the only person she really loves. Kim Taehyung is her first love. Only Kim Taehyung. Don't be sad, Choi Soyun will be in rest in peace." That time, she cupped my face and lean her forehead on mine.
How my life will function if the one whose the reason of it was already died?