Credits to: lost in my mind (southsidewrites.tumblr.com)
Summary: When a pushy cashier is flirting with you, Sweet Pea makes it clear who you're going home with.
"Pea, c'mon, we do not need that," you said, putting the second package of Oreos back on the shelf. "I'm trying to lose weight, remember?"
He rolled his eyes. "You do not need to lose weight, babe."
"Not your decision, Pea." You gave him a firm look, crossing your arms.
"Fine," he groaned. "Can I at least keep the first package?"
"Yeah, sure, whatever." You smirked and started pushing the cart again. "We do need at least some real food though."
"Babe, Oreos are such real food." He wrapped his arm around your waist and kissed you lightly on the temple. "Literally what else could we possibly need?"
"Oh, I don't know—bread, meat, pasta, vegetables, fruit, maybe some beverages other than cheap whiskey." You laughed. "We could even get some other things for around the house like hand soap and Clorox wipes."
He rolled his eyes, his hand darting out to grab a couple boxes of Kraft mac and cheese. "I know, I know. You do realize that I was living on my own for like five years before you moved in, right?"
"Yeah, and you sustained yourself on Easy Mac and Cocoa Puffs." You pulled the cart aside to analyze the fresh fruit options. "Would you eat strawberries if I got them?"
He shrugged. "I'd like to say no, but let's be real. If it's available, there's a good chance I'll eat it."
You laughed. "Trust me, I've learned that. I'm never buying expensive, low-calorie ice cream again."
"Babe, you do realize it tasted just like normal ice cream but, like, without the joy, right?"
"Says the guy who ate like a pint and a half of it." You started pushing the cart again, satisfied with your selection of fruit. "Need any cosmetic stuff?" you asked, glancing down the hygiene aisle.
"Nah, I think I'm good. Anyways, our bathroom is literally full of your hair products."
"I do not have that many."
"'Course not, babe, just enough to last until the end of time." He smirked, playfully pulling a lock of your hair.
"I swear to god, Sweet Pea, I am never taking your grocery shopping again."
He laughed. "Liar. I know you bring me to carry heavy stuff."
You shoved him slightly, trying not to smile. "Alright then, I think we're done. Anything else you need?"
"I'm good. We have Oreos, whiskey, and hair products, so I'm set."
Rolling your eyes, you started walking back to the front of the store. Once you picked a short-ish checkout line, you started unpacking the cart. Sweet Pea hung back, leaning on the cart and scanning the magazines on the rack.
"Find everything okay?" the cashier asked. He was a tall blond twenty-something, probably a college student home for the summer. His blue eyes were bright, and he was flashing an award-winning smile.
"Yeah, I did," you replied, pulling out your wallet to dig out your card.
"I'm glad." His voice was smooth as he started checking out items on the belt. "Anything else I can help you with?"
I smiled softly, amused by his attempt to flirt using nothing but employee manual stock lines. "No, I think I'm good."
He glanced at Sweet Pea who had obliviously zoned out. "You sure, beautiful? I feel like there's got to be something I can do for you."
At that, Sweet Pea's head shot up and he gave the cashier an icy glare. When the guy didn't look even a little phased, though, Sweet Pea let go of the cart and took off at a fast pace back into the store. You rolled your eyes as the cashier gave you a confused look.
You were just about to hand over your card to pay when Sweet Pea came back, his arms full of black boxes.
"One more thing, trust fund," he said, dumping the boxes onto the belt. When you saw what he had, your jaw fell open. Condoms. More condoms than you'd ever use, in a size that he'd never need.
The cashier's eyes widened. "Okay, um, yes sir." He started sliding them across the scanner.
You glared at your boyfriend as the price ticked up higher and higher. Had you not just been paid, it would have been way out of the budget. Sweet Pea walked over and possessively wrapped his arm around your shoulders.
"What do you think, babe, will that get us through the week?"
It took all the self-control you had not to groan. Instead, you just avoided eye contact with the blushing cashier while you handed him your card.
Smiling widely, Sweet Pea grabbed the bag of condoms. "Thank you, fine sir."
"You're very welcome," he replied. "Have a nice evening."
"Oh I will," he replied. "Trust me."
You groaned and started pushing the cart. Once you were out of earshot, you punched Sweet Pea in the arm. "What the hell, dude? That's so many fucking condoms."
"Had to prove a point," he replied with a shrug. "Asshole was acting like I wasn't even there."
You rolled your eyes. "And the size? Hate to break it to you, Pea, but those are not going to work for us if you have any desire to remain childless."
He laughed. "It added to the effect, babe. There's no way that guy was packing anything close to this."
"No one packs anything close to this!" you exclaimed, holding up one of the boxes to him. "Like, why do they even make them?"
Sweet Pea smirked. "I don't know—I was planning on selling them to Fangs to get the money back."
You came to a stop, turning to look at your boyfriend with wide eyes. "No way."
"Way."
"How do you even know that?"
"We did live together for a while, babe, and trust me, he could totally use this size."
Squeezing your eyes shut, you slowly started shaking your head. "That is an image I never needed. Like, never."
He laughed, pulling you into a hug and kissing your forehead. "What? You don't think about Fangs's monster cock on a daily basis?"
You groaned, pulling out of his grasp. "Pea, shut the fuck up."
"Make me." He smirked.
You started pushing the cart toward the car. "I will leave you here."
"Babe," he laughed, jogging to catch up with you. "I'm kidding! I love you!"
"Do you promise to never bring up Fangs's cock ever again?" you asked, trying not to smile at his goofy grin.
"Promise."
"Fine, get in the car."
"If you're ever curious, though, I do know—"
"Sweet Pea," you warned.
"I told you that I loved you more than anyone in the whole wide world, right?"
"I love you too, dumbass."
Credits to: lost in my mind (southsidewrites.tumblr.com)