"If you could read my mind,
I'm pretty sure you'd either be
traumatized,
sexually aroused,
or both."
★°°•°°★
★°°•°°★
"We were drinking alcohol. I was there, casually enjoying the night. It started as a simple talk. He offered me a drink. I never even thought about cheating. There are men who tried to pull me in that dirty trap. I was able to resist them all. But this particular young man presented himself. I am aware of what infidelity can cause in a relationship. I know, I am aware, it broke me into million pieces, it pointed me to the dark side of life, but I still think of doing it."
"You released unreflective desires. It's like a provocation. It's not an excuse. You still did wrong."
★°°•°°★
★°°•°°★
SEOKJIN
Fake.
Am I really a fake person? As far as I know, I am just being real. But Yoongi's words cut deep. Deeper than I thought.
I've never been called a fake. Perhaps, no one will. Like what I've said, I don't have friends to tell me what's wrong with me. It's only me who keeps on telling myself that I am okay. I am perfect. I am fine.
Somehow, Yoongi was right. Am I narcissistic? I think so. I think people are all about me. I think they all admire me. My beauty. My capability. My body. I am all about myself. I love attention, no matter how many times I deny it.
Yoongi was right.
He thinks I am an over thinker. I overanalyzed things.
He was right again.
I create my own perfect world in my head. A perfect world that I can't even bring to life. My thoughts are perfect but my words and actions aren't. I am too stuck in my own world. The world that only exists in my head.
Yoongi was right.
But I don't know why I refuse to accept it.
"Good morning Mr. Kim." I take a peek from his door. He is so handsome in a grey suit. It compliments his tan skin.
He gives me a sweet smile, accentuating his sharp jawline. I've never been into an older man. Not like this. Mr. Kim's sex appeal is so overpowering, it always caught me off guard.
"Good morning, Jin!" His deep husky voice fits his manly stance. I can't wait to hear him growl. I bet, it's a complete massive turn-on.
I placed the cup of coffee and the dark chocolate quinoa breakfast, I made especially for him. I've never been so excited to make breakfast in the morning.
"I thought you didn't have your breakfast yet. You're always early." I always try to give a small smile. I don't want to appear cute. I prefer to be called sultry or sexy. Whatever is best.
"You always give me coffee. You want me to feel nervous? " He chuckled as he takes a sip.
I lick my lower lip and look at him in the eye. "Exactly how I want you to feel."
His eyes lightly narrowed after hearing the words I just spoke. He stares at me with too much curiosity. Or perhaps, mixed with anxiousness.
"I'm just kidding." I smiled before opening the food container for him. "I prepared quinoa for your breakfast. Don't worry, it's dark chocolate. Your abs are still safe."
He always chuckles every time I mention his abs. Well, I will not deny it. I can't wait to graze my hands on his firm stomach. I wonder how it feels.
"You really want me to stay fit. I always get sausages, eggs, and pancakes for breakfast. This one is new to me." He takes a spoonful into his mouth and he keeps on eating. I guess he likes it.
"Too much of those can be bad for you. I'm pretty sure you're working out." I sit down on the chair in front of his desk. Looking at him as he enjoys every bite of the breakfast I prepared for him.
"I do." His eyes move on my hair. I'm actually waiting for him to notice. "You've got a new hair color?"
I rake my hair with my finger, slowly stroking it while licking my lower lip. Wet enough for it to shine and highlight its thickness. "Do you like it?"
Mr. Kim nods. His mood changed a little. I am certain that he noticed what I just did. "It looks good on you."
Mr. Kim lowers his eyes. He shifts in his seat and clears his throat. I am smiling inside my head. Wondering if that extra muscle between his legs is the one making him uncomfortable.
I stand up, letting my eyes brush on his gaze. Letting him know that I am intentionally eyeing him. "I need to go now. Just call me in case you need anything. Enjoy your breakfast, Mr. Kim." I stare directly at him and when our eyes locked, I let my eyes linger in his eyes before smiling and looking away.
It's only been days. But I know and I am confident that I am making progress.
***
Where are you?
I texted and called Yoongi several times but received nothing in return. He promised to pick me up at work so we will go together to Hoseok's party.
I flipped my phone to calm my tensed body. I need to be at that damn party. I need to be in the same place as Mr. Kim. This is my chance and Yoongi will not spoil everything.
After several more minutes, I saw his car pulling through the driveway. I crossed my arms in front of my chest and glared at him as soon as I sat down on the passenger seat, securing myself with the seat belt.
"Stop giving me that kind of face. I'm so fucking pissed. " Yoongi's voice indeed sounded pissed. His hands gripped tightly on the steering wheel, his knuckles turned white.
"What happened and you're fucking pissed?" I asked. Though my face doesn't look concerned, I am. Yoongi, aside from myself, is my only real friend.
Yoongi clicked his tongue, eyes on the road, then he slapped his hand on the steering wheel. "I met with my ex."
I stared at him for a while before laughing hard. I can't believe his brave persona is weak in the knees for his ex.
"Stop laughing or I'll send you home." He gave me a piercing stare. He's serious.
"Okay. Sorry. I just can't imagine you getting pissed because of an ex. So who is this ex? " I asked, but Yoongi remained quiet. As far as I know, if he ignores my question, it means I should shut my mouth. "I will not insist. Let's just enjoy this night, let's dance the night away and drown your shitty ex's memory with alcohol, shall we?"
***
The sound of the party music echoes inside a private venue. The lights are dim and in the shades of amber, blue and purple. Alcohol is being served by several waiters. The crowd isn't that big and still, no familiar face on the crowd. But my eyes wander around, looking for one particular subject. The reason why I'm so eager to be here.
"My Jinnie and Yoongichi!" Hoseok greeted, quickly brushing his cheek on mine before clicking his fingers calling for a waiter.
Hoseok guided us to a vacant table while the waiter serves us a glass of cocktail and some finger foods. "I'm glad my model came. I thought you weren't going to make it!"
The music is a bit loud that I need to speak with my mouth near Hoseok's ear, "Yoongi is late."
Hoseok rolls his eyes and makes faces. "He doesn't know how to listen! And I think I know why. He never gets pissed unless he met with that man. Anyway, please enjoy the night. I'm just there at the bar counter if you need anything."
Hoseok greets the newly arrived guests, leaving me and Yoongi on the table. My eyes wander around once more. He should be here. He should.
"He's at the bar counter," Yoongi said suddenly.
My eyes went immediately to the bar. And I saw Mr. Kim there with Jungkook and Namjoon. Mr. Kim was busy typing on his phone while Namjoon and Jungkook were busy chatting. I know I'll be in trouble as the flirt Jungkook was there with them. Because all I care about was to corner Mr. Kim. Alone and defenseless.
"How did you know that it's Mr. Kim?" I glowered at Yoongi.
Yoongi snorted. "I'm reading newspapers. Just in case you need to know."
Of course.
Out of nowhere, I met eyes with Namjoon. We stared at each other for a little while. I gave a lazy smile, enough to convey that I acknowledged his presence. He leaned in, saying something to Jungkook and Jungkook's head immediately turned in my direction.
Namjoon then pulled out his phone and, probably, excused himself as he tapped Taehyung's and Jungkook's shoulder. I saw him strut out of the bar and I secretly thank him in my head. Happy that one of the disturbances were gone.
My eyes then went to Jungkook and a naughty smirked appeared on his face and he called the bartender. With a glass in his hand half filled with a lime-colored liquid, he walked towards my direction.
"Mind to give my gorgeous a drink?"
I looked at Yoongi but was surprised he no longer on his seat. I looked around to check but he was nowhere near my sight.
"Your friend went out with a light stick between his lips, just in case you're looking for him," Jungkook pulled an empty chair, placing it as near to my chair as possible. Too close for his knees to brush on my own, while offering the alcohol which I gladly took.
"I am actually surprised that you're here. But I am more happy than surprised. I'm glad to see my gorgeous here," Jungkook leaned in near my ear. Speaking as airy as possible but annoyingly to tickle my ear. Even if he deny it, I know he's trying to turn me on. One night stand isn't a bad idea. I could do that but I have no plans of doing it now. I was so preoccupied of Taehyung.
Smiling sultrily, I stared in his eyes as I sipped on my glass. Licking my lips slowly and watching his eyes followed my tongue. I knew how much he wanted to taste my lime flavored lips now. He leaned closer and I knew we would end up making out but he was pulled away, "Oh fuck... ouch!"
Hoseok was holding Jungkook's side burns with his fingers, pulling Jungkook up, "You naughty boy. Tame your dick and stop flirting with my friend. Now, come with me and I need your help," Hoseok smiled at me while Jungkook was obviously annoyed, "I'm sorry sweetheart. I will teach his horny dick a lesson. See you later."
Hoseok winked at me before dragging Jungkook away. I stand up. Walk towards the direction of the bar. My eyes fixed on Mr. Kim. I grabbed a glass of concoction from a waiter's tray while I strut to sit next to my desired man.
I sit next to him, facing him as I place the glass of drink in front of him. His eyes went straight to me as I move closer to him.
"Seokjin?" He looked surprised. Who would have thought that I'll get access to this private party? Party of the elites.
I smile at him before quickly looking at him up and down. "You look extremely good in that dress shirt, Mr. Kim."
His stares become intense. So intense, my heart starts to beat faster than normal. "You look good too, Seokjin."