I've been ignoring Wyatt for the past couple of days. The last time I've talked to him was the last time Mia went to the apartment. He's been calling me, texting me, and all I can do is to stare at the screen of my phone without responding back.
In my defense, Wyatt hasn't really visited me after the incident. I guess he just doesn't have time considering what happened. The entire time, I've been thinking that maybe they are trying to fix their relationship, save what is left, and move on together.
That thought hurts. It really hurts.
My friends already know what happened, and Melody has already come visited me several times just to comfort me. She's the only person I response back to. I actually ignored her the first time she texted me, asking me how I was feeling. I got an earful from her that evening when she came barging into my apartment, and decided to have an explanation. It's hard dealing with her sometimes. But I'm glad she keeps pushing me out of my misery zone.
As of this moment, I'm staring at the screen of my computer. I just got back today while Wyatt hasn't returned to work yet. Unfortunately, he has had a lot of missed schedules last week. I'm already finished sending out emails, and every once in a while, I keep receiving new emails asking where Wyatt is and they're pushing through their business deal, or if Wyatt has free time. I'm sounding like a broken record in my emails, telling them that Wyatt is currently out of the office indefinitely and that I'll make sure he'll be notified.
But the reality?
I don't know when he's going to come back. I don't even know how I'm going to contact him without seeming like a complete jealous, bitter ex-wife. After all, I've ignored all of his calls and messages, so I think it's not appropriate to send him messages about his missed schedules.
A bullshit reason, but it's still considered a reason. Whoever says it's not, then they can go fuck themselves.
To be honest, I don't even know why I still decided to come back for work when I know this place is not good for my health at the moment. Wyatt and Mia can come here anytime, and I can't afford to see them both during this hard time. Just thinking about them makes me feel sick, like I'm ready to vomit.
I've done bad things in my life, but never this bad. Even though I just met Mia, I can tell she was a good person. She doesn't deserve to be lied to, doesn't deserve to be in pain, and doesn't deserve to be cheated on. Mia has been a wonderful person, a faithful girlfriend to Wyatt, and it's my fault that Wyatt cheated on her with me. Had I been able to control myself, this wouldn't have happened. I should have tried resisting my feelings for Wyatt. I should have tried harder.
Without putting as much thought on it, I open the Word file and start to write my resignation letter. I should have done this a long time ago. Things will not go back to the way it used to be, even if I send this resignation letter to my boss, but it will surely help the three of us – me, Wyatt, and Mia.
It's time that I go back to my hometown, be with my parents. There's no doubt I can find a job there. I've been in the corporate world, I have a lot of experiences, so it's not going to be hard finding a job. I can live again with my parents. I can take of them while I work. At least I don't have to worry them always.
Think about it, there's always a bright side.
After this, I can be a free man. I can go to a bar – a gay bar, maybe. Have a couple of drinks with good and fine lads, or hook up with someone interested. I can even go out of town, surely that would be fantastic. It could help me breathe better. I need this. I need to be alone just for a few days.
So without further ado, I sent my resignation letter to my boss without thinking twice. I'm glad that I've been part of this company. I have so many memories here, and it's sad that I'll be going away out of here. Out of New York. Because this is what's best for me right now. To be far away from the people I've lied to, that I've hurt.
I start to cry internally while keeping a straight face. Some employees are passing by, and I make sure to greet them with a smile whenever they look my way. Of course they can't know that there's something going on with me. People would start asking, and they would give me pity looks, and that's the last thing I need in my life right now.
As the clock ticks, a minute left before I leave this building, my heart pounds heavily in my chest. Every beat rings in my ears. As I watch the ticking of the clock, the more this place reminds that this is home. But what can I do? I just can't stay here and pretend that everything is okay. Because it's not. I could tell myself that I'm just okay, that there's nothing to worry about, but there is. And I can't just ignore it.
Before I leave, I clean my desk and throw away all the necessary things. Good thing I've also brought a bag with me because I sure won't be leaving my personal stuff here. Even though I haven't received his reply yet, I'm sure it's expected that I'll be leaving.
"Time to go," I mutter to myself as I take another look across my surrounding.
I'm going to miss the morning and night view across my desk which I have loved the most ever since I was assigned to sit here. Looking through the windows every work day has been a habit, and knowing that I won't be able to see the majestic beauty of the city from where I'm sitting is saddening.
Taking one last look, I let out a heavy sigh and mutter to myself that what I'm doing is for the best. I carry my bag and proceed to get out of here. The more I continue walking, the heavier I feel. Every step I take is like a stab in my chest, and in any moment, I know I'm ready to cry my heart out.
As soon as I'm out of the building, I immediately hail a cab. I send a text to Melody, telling her that I'm on my way home and that I have plans already. She immediately responses, asking if she can come over so we can have dinner together. Sending her a smiley emoji as my only response, I get in the cab and tell the driver my destination address. The driver, who has a thick beard and brows, nods his head. Not much of a talker, and I prefer it that way.
Thirty minutes later, I have arrived safely to my home. I throw my bag on the sofa and head straight to the kitchen to prepare myself some food. The last time I ate was this morning. I had no appetite at all when afternoon came. The only food I ate this morning was 2 sunny-side up eggs, and some cereals. With lots of milk. I'm not sure what to make right now, considering I'm not really in the mood to eat, but I have to eat. Otherwise, I'd look like a potato sack if I keep this up.
Cereals are out of the question since it's not totally healthy to eat that, and I've just had that this morning. Maybe hotdogs or bacons will do? I have a few meats left in the refrigerator, and the last time I went grocery shopping was 2 weeks ago.
As I'm about to open the stove, loud knocks on front door startle me. I roll my eyes, cursing Melody for being such a brat.
"Melody, I swear you're going to break the door," I shout as I open the door.
To my surprise, it's not Melody standing in front of me. It's Wyatt.
And he looks pissed. His brows are furrowed, his cheeks are slightly pinker, his lips are set in a tight line. Wyatt is wearing a black shirt paired with grey jogging pants. Good Lord, why does he have to wear that? Regardless, I look straight into his eyes because, seriously, I don't have to look down.
"What the fuck did you send to my email?" he asks me as he barges in without my permission. Wyatt glares at me, his jaw clenching.
"What are you doing here, and why are you mad?"
"Why the fuck am I mad? Do you want to know why the fuck I'm mad?" He runs a hand across his face, turns his head, and heaves a heavy sigh. "You said and I fucking quote: Wyatt, you've given me a lot of opportunity by hiring me as your secretary. Unfortunately, I can no longer continue with my work due to what happened. It's best that we stay away from each other. You and Mia should work on fixing your relationship. It's for the best."
"Look, it's a valid resignation letter. Wyatt, we can't keep this up." I shut the door.
"Okay, first, that wasn't a valid reason to resign. Second, fuck, that's an informal resignation letter." He grabs my wrist and looks at me straight in the eye, jaw still clenched. "Third, you're basically breaking up with me. No, no, scratch that. You're breaking up with me. Through a fucking resignation letter. And no, I won't allow it. I'm not breaking up with you. We're not breaking up!"
"Wyatt, listen to me." I cup his face and give a sad smile. As I look into his eyes, my heart beats rapidly against my chest. And the longer I stare at him, the more pain it brings. "We've hurt Mia. And... maybe... maybe we're not really meant for each other."
"No, no, you can't be fucking serious."
"Wyatt, listen to me – "
"No, you listen to me." Wyatt pulls me closer, his hips touching mine, his palms resting on my waist. "We've gone through so much pain. I just had you, and I can't fucking lose you. I'm happy being with you. After the day Mia learned the truth about us, I couldn't visit you. I didn't have the chance to see you. You know why? Because I was fucking busy explaining to her that I'm in love with you. I have always been in love with you. I was busy telling her that it's not your fault, and it's not my fault that I'm fucking in love with Pierson Matthews. Our only fault was that we didn't tell her. I didn't tell her."
I blink a few times, preventing myself from crying. Because I look ugly when I cry.
"We made that mistake, but it doesn't mean that we still have to suffer. It doesn't mean we have to end things between us." Wyatt continues. He cups my face and rests his forehead against mine. "People make mistakes. People make bad decisions that lead to inappropriate situations. And that's okay. I fucked up. I should have told her. I could only offer my sorry. I lost her. And for me, that's okay."
"Losing a person close to you – whether a friend, lover – is not okay, Wyatt. It never is."
"Sometimes in order to be with the person you love, you have to lose someone."
"Wyatt – "
"And I made my choice, Pierce."
"Mia is an important person to you,"
"So are you." Wyatt smiles at me, pinching my cheeks. "I'm going to ask you. What choices are you choosing? This is a serious question. Are you choosing your own happiness, or are you letting me go?"
"Do you even have to ask?" I mutter, biting my lower lip.
"I want to hear it from you, Pierce." He tweaks my nose. "I want to hear the answer from your lips. Are you choosing me, or are you choosing someone else's happiness?"
"That wasn't your question."
"Doesn't matter. Do you want me or not?"
"Fuck off," I laugh, shaking my head. "Of course, I'm choosing my own happiness. I'm choosing you. I want you."
"Thank God," Wyatt laughs and pecks me on the lips. "I thought I wouldn't be left a choice but to force myself on you. But I think that won't be necessary."
Wyatt hugs me as if he has been waiting for this moment his entire life. My face is pressed against his chest, and I can hear the beat of his heartbeat – it's erratic and loud. He smells of cologne. He also has this smell of musty, earthy odor and it mixes well with his cologne.
"What were you doing before I arrived here?"
"I was supposed to make my own dinner," I laugh, punching his chest. "But then some asshole had to knock loud on my door. Where are his manners?"
"Out the window," he responds, making a goofy face. "Come on, let's go make some dinner. I haven't eaten as well. As soon as I've read your email, I just had to leave immediately to knock some sense into you."
"Where were you anyway?"
"I was with Mia,"
"Oh,"
"I was breaking up with her. Officially." He takes my hand, his thumb drawing circles on my palm. "Because I really wanted to be with the guy in front of me right now. Officially. Mia didn't take it well, but as soon as she realized my and her place, she let me leave. It's our last meeting."
"I'm sorry."
"Fucking stop apologizing," Wyatt slaps my forehead. I glare at him. "It's not your fault, so stop it. Come here." He hugs me again and plants a kiss on my forehead. "And before I forget, your resignation letter is in the trash bin already. Rejected. You're still going to work for me. Or would you like to work under me?"
"Pervert," I roll my eyes at him.
Wyatt and I prepare ourselves a dinner, and as expected, he has decided for me that he'd sleep here with me. I texted Melody thirty minutes ago that Wyatt is here, and that we talked to settle things between us. I just received a heart emoji response from her.
He has prepared eggs and bacons for the both us, and at this point, I don't even care if I don't like the food I'm eating. What matters is that I'm with Wyatt right now. At this moment, we're watching The Elite on Netflix. Nobody is really watching. I guess it's just for us to have a background sound.
"I haven't received any reply back." Wyatt turns to face me.
"Huh? What do you mean?"
"About what I said earlier. I haven't received a response yet."
"I've already answered you. I told you, I'm choosing you." I push him playfully, throwing a pillow at him. It hits his face. "Jesus, clean your ears."
"Not that, asshole." He laughs.
"Then what? What are you talking about?"
"I'm in love with you. I love you."
For a moment, I just stare at him. His eyes meet mine. In this moment, this is where the world is supposed to stop. But the longer his eyes linger on mine, it's the exact opposite that's happening. I see my future with him where we have our own little world, and it just keeps spinning and spinning until we get dizzy.
I purse my lips, and tell him: "I love you. More than you could ever imagine."