A/N: ayyo ladies and gentlemen
this chapter is split into two parts or maybe even three
cause its SO FUCKING LONG
so part one here ya go
Jungkook pushed himself up on the head rest to make them more comfortable, pulling a pillows and stacked them behind him, Taehyung still sitting on his lap, with Jungkook's arms wrapped around him.
"I'll be honest Tae, I have almost no idea what to do and what not to. I'm scared I'll do something wrong that might hurt you. So I need you to tell me about your comfort zones, habits and everything."
Jungkook said, looking straight into Taehyung's wide brown eyes, trying to convey his sincerity and honesty through his eyes.
He needed Taehyung to know that he was doing this out of sincerity and not pity or obligation.
Taehyung sighed softly, nodding his head. Hesitantly he spoke, looking down at his fingers he was busy fidgeting with.
"Judging by yesterday night, it was okay. I don't think anything that made me uncomfortable happened so it's all right. You don't need to worry anymore."
Jungkook wanted to pull his hair in frustration.
Why wouldn't Taehyung even give him a chance to prove himself?
It was always the same, one step forward two steps back.
But this time he wasn't going to give in. He would make Taehyung give him a chance at least.
So taking a deep breath, he spoke softly yet firmly.
"Tae, it's okay just tell me. It's okay, I won't judge you. I need to know if I want to help you."
But Taehyung refused to let Jungkook in.
He hadn't ever let anyone in before, other than Jin hyung of course, but no one else, so why now?
Why should he trust Jungkook and how does he know that he isn't just acting right now?
All right, Jungkook was nice to him yesterday but that was because he was to distraught over seeing his father being shot.
But that didn't mean Jungkook was his appointed caregiver now.
Taehyung was perfectly capable of looking out for himself even when he was a little just like he had been for the last few years.
"You don't need to help me. Look yesterday night, I was just distraught over seeing father and mother. But I can look after myself on my own even in littlespace. I have for years till now."
Jungkook paused for a second.
How long had Taehyung been a little and how long has he been hiding this?
Voicing his question, he asked,
"Years?"
Taehyung bent his head as he nodded softly and mumbled.
"Since I turned 18 approximately."
Taehyung remembered how much he freaked out that day.
He was having a very bad day even though it was his birthday when he had slipped the first time.
No one had remembered his birthday, not even his parents.
Back then he hadn't met Jin hyung and Namjoon hyung had gone on an international business trip.
And on top of that, he had a huge argument with his father about going to University.
His father had outright refused to let him attend University and said he had to take online classes on business.
Something he didn't even like.
And the cherry on the cake had been his father screaming at Taehyung, calling him an ungrateful brat for never appreciating all that his parents had done for him.
So that night when he had locked himself into his room, he had slipped for the first time.
And even though he knew what little space was, he had never imagined that he would regress.
He had cried for hours that night till it finally settled over him that he was a little.
And he made a promise to himself that he would never tell this to anyone.
Yet he was here telling Jungkook everything.
A tear slowly slipped out of his eyes.
Very softly Jungkook whispered, not wanting to scare the boy on his lap who seemed to be finally opening up slightly.
"Four years and no one has known?"
Taehyung shook his head softly again as he mumbled, his head hanging down, fingers playing with the hem of his shirt that he hadn't changed out of yesterday night.
"No"
Oh.
Now it made so much sense why he was so scared. He had kept this hidden for so long and imagined that everyone would hate him, it was hard for him to get over his insecurity.
But Jungkook made a promise to himself, to make Taehyung get over his insecurity, no matter what it takes.
(istg i need a jungkook who understands so easily and without any words)
But first he needed to get Taehyung to be comfortable around him. So Jungkook asked him very gently, as if he were talking to an injured puppy.
"So you don't want me to be there for you when you're feeling little?"
Taehyung shook his head, not wanting Jungkook to get the wrong idea.
He was feeling very conflicted.
At one side, he wanted Jungkook to be there for him, to look out for him like no one had all his life.
Well his hyungs had been there, but they also had there own lives and were busy sometimes, he wanted someone to call his own.
But on the other hand he didn't wan to force this on Jungkook.
He didn't want Jungkook to do this out of pity or obligation.
He wanted him to do it only if he really wanted to, but that was nearly impossible.
Why would anyone want to look after a little?
So he honestly replied,
"I don't want to be a bother."
Jungkook sighed, wrapping his arms around Taehyung's waist,drawing circles on the small of his back.
Those circular movements seemed to always calm him down a bit, and make him feel better for some reason.
Taking a deep breath, he spoke,
"No Tae, you won't be being a bother. I want to help you okay. Yesterday night, whatever I did, just felt right. I didn't do it out of any obligations. I did it cause I wanted to okay? You're not being a bother."
Taehyung was honestly surprised by Jungkook's answer.
Had he read his mind or something?
But Taehyung needed to be completely sure, so he pushed Jungkook more, egging him on.
"You want to do this? You want to be the one to clean up after the mess I make, the tantrums I throw, to take care of everything when I'm in baby space? Are you seriously willing to do that?"
Jungkook raised his eyebrows and said,
"I don't see why I can't try?"
Taehyung snorted at that.
Why would anyone want to willingly do that?
For fuchsia's sake, they were only married but other than that they had zero feelings for each other.
Wait that was a lie.
Taehyung did have a teeny weeny crush on Jungkook that he had been fighting from day one.
But that was irrelevant.
Jungkook didn't even like him so why would he want to this?
So Taehyung spoke this time, looking into Jungkook's eyes, his eyebrows so high that they were hidden behind his bangs.
He was trying to look intimidating.
Key word: trying.
"You won't like it. You'll get fed up within a day."
Jungkook rolled his eyes in annoyance.
He actually wanted to coo at Taehyung trying to look scary and intimidating but he just looked like a huge ball of fluff.
But then CEO Jungkook instincts kicked in and he decided to make a deal with the stubborn boy in his lap.
"How about we do this. For a week, I be your caregiver. I'll do everything a normal caregiver would, including all those things you said and then at the end of the week, we'll have one more talk and then we'll see if I liked it or not and if you're comfortable with me being your caregiver or not? Does that sound okay?"
Taehyung looked at his surprised, clearly not expecting this. So he hesitantly asked.
"Only for a week?"
A/N: i'm sorry for the boring chapter
i might make it up with a double update?
if the next chapter is ready that is :)
hope everyone liked it!!
~vi