"10 Things I Hate About You?" He looked at me as we were sitting on the couch. I pulled the blanket tighter around myself.
"This is my favorite movie," I refused to meet his eyes. Although my face was burning. Everything was burning. I hadn't been this close to him since he made a move. But God did I want to tease him. And not just tease. So much more than that. Sit on his lap. Push my fingers through his soft hair. Push my tongue—
"I miss Heath Ledger.." Adrian said softly as he leaned back into the couch and propped the foot rest up.
I sat frozen, having been shocked out of my perverse thoughts. They slowly melted and I met reality once again. "Me too... He was amazing." I saw, from out of the corner of my eye, Adrian nod.
But he faded as the movie started. I couldn't have helped it. That movie was the greatest movie.
Yet I was becoming too sleepy. Eyelids getting heavy.
Pretty soon I caught myself with my eyes closed and tried to force them open, but they wouldn't. So I hummed and laid down. Head on Adrian's lap.
This was okay.. Right?
What did I know? Half-asleep thoughts don't prove to have very good judgement..
*****
Why did I have to wake up...
I snuggled harder into him, face buried in his chest.
Adrian's arms felt heavy and tight around me. My leg was between his.
Oh he was so warm.. And smelled so good..
But I pushed my face further into him for a completely different reason.
My heart felt heavier than his arms did around me. Leaden. And my chest felt hollow.
I slowly pushed myself away from him, the desire to be alone eating me alive, and wrapped the blanket around myself before heading to the guest room.
"Jax?"
I looked back at the groggy voice to see Adrian running his hands through his hair.
I would think back on that and wish I hadn't been so numb so I could better appreciate how sexy he was.
But at this moment in time.. there was nothing.
His eyebrows furrowed briefly before I turned and started again to my room.
I was moving sluggishly, mind and body both too slow to avoid him as he rushed up to me.
"I know this is hard, but you are not locking yourself away," Adrian's hands gripped my shoulders but I couldn't see him through my tear-blurred vision. He picked me up gently, koala-style, and brought me to his room. There he tucked me in and I pulled the blankets over my head. He got in the bed beside me and I never felt his eyes leave me.
"I don't want to..." I mumbled, voice straining with my tight throat. "I don't want to be in here."
"I'm not letting you be alone right now." Adrian's voice sounded flat. "Jax..." I didn't respond, my body only shook with silent sobs. "You deserve comfort, you know."
"No.." I choked. "I don't deserve anything!" I continued to shake, as if the needy desire to kill myself was too much for my body to handle. "I deserve nothing! Just death! I don't want to be here anymore!" I clawed at my skin, expression turning into one of agony and pain.
But suddenly, strong, warm hands gripped my wrists.
Adrian was silent as he pulled me close.
"I want to tell you not to say those poisonous things," his voice was deep and whispery. "But I want you to let it out too. I'm not sure how to deal with this, but I can't help but help you. I want to help you..."
"For the sake of the demon," I hissed, trying to squirm away, but to no avail.
"You think this is still about her?" He looked down at me and I met his eyes with watery ones. "I'm not sure if I can call you dense, though."
Dense?
"It's not like I've made it obvious.." Adrian's voice fell soft again. "I'm sorry, Jax..."
I blinked my tears out of my eyes and sniffled. "What for..?"
"Everything," his eyes closed, lips pressing into a thin line. "I'm sorry."
My eyebrows furrowed and I leaned up a bit. "I don't want you to be sorry.. God I don't want to deal with this..." Tears slipped all too easily from my eyes and I fell back into the warmth of his arms. "I'm sorry."
"We're not going to get anywhere if both of us keep apologising." Adrian pulled me closer as I cried and shook. "What do you want, Jax?"
I gave no response, mind a weak fuzz of depression. I felt so hollow.
"Want. What do you want?" Adrian's fingers slipped across my back for a second as he lifted his hand to do something. To pull the covers up higher. It made me shiver.
You.
"I don't think we're in the place to be that honest with each other," I wiped my face on his shirt. My mind reeled as his hands touched my back once more.
Adrian hummed. "Why not? We can start any time." He was intoxicating. Making me dizzy and weak for a whole new reason.
"I want comfort. Reassurance. To be loved. I didn't grow up like that. I just want to feel comfortable. I don't want to be teased or questioned any more. I want to be happy and—" I shook my head. "Why am I telling you this.."
"Why not? What did it hurt?" Adrian's fingers pushed into my hair and I shivered once more. His chest moved as he breathed out a nose-laugh. I blinked rapidly and pressed my smile into his shirt.
"I don't tell anyone my feelings. People just hurt me all the time. And I shouldn't tell you because it's not like you can give me those things," I bit my lip. But something quickly piqued my interest. Wasn't his heart beating a bit too hard? I turned my head and pressed my cheek against the beats.
Adrian's fingers toyed gently with my hair and took a moment of silence. "I can try my best."
Then we laid in silence. Comfortable, yet blushing silence.
"Why don't we have another movie night tomorrow?" Adrian spoke up, heart hammering against my face and mine pounding against his abdomen.
I nodded slowly. "Okay..."
"Okay," he answered back. And then we fell silent again.
*****
I rubbed my eyes and rolled over, only slightly disappointed by the emptiness of my bed.
It was better this way.
But the conversation from last night washed over me. And his beating heart. As fast as mine had been.
Was there any chance...?
I sat up, cutting the thought off.
Adrian shouldn't be home if we're having a movie night. He would've gone into work early instead of working at night.
Keeping this in mind, I stretched a little and bit my lip. It was always nice to wake up to an empty house.
So I got up and stepped out into the living room in full pajama confidence.
Only to freeze upon seeing Adrian sitting on the couch on his phone.
I tugged gently on my hoodie strings as I padded into the kitchen.
He shouldn't be here... And now I'm thinking of last night...
"Good morning, Jax," Adrian didn't look up from his phone. Honestly, it seemed a little halfhearted.
"Good morning.." I mumbled back a response as I reached to grab a bowl from a high cabinet. I stood on my tip-toes in order to reach and finally did. I fell back to my flat feet with a huff and went to look for cereal and milk.
Was he playing hard-to-get? Was he pretending as if nothing happened..?
I rolled my eyes at the nuisance thoughts and poured myself a bowl.
"Jax do you care if we have an afternoon movie? Instead of night?" He still didn't look up.
I shoveled a spoonful of Special K into my mouth and shrugged. "Got somewhere to be?"
He finally looked over. His eyes flicked over me before they met my own.
He sure didn't hide that..
Was what he was talking about last night..? The whole obvious thing? That couldn't have been—? Was he trying to be more obvious? Because of..?
I narrowed my eyes at him.
"Nope. Just in the mood for a movie." Adrian's eyes now didn't leave mine. It was lighting me on fire. They seemed almost challenging.
"Okay.. fine. We can watch a movie in the afternoon.." I blushed into my cereal as I ate. Already my body was shaking with anticipation.
I finished my cereal in silence. Adrian went back on his phone. That was when I got a call.
"Lace? What's up?" I questioned curiously. A little disappointed as I figured it was a call in for work. But why would she call me on the work phone and not text me?
"Nah, babe, it's Sid," his voice carried over the line happily and I perked up, even more curious now.
"Sid?" I bit my lip as my peripheral vision caught Adrian turn to look at me. "Why are you calling?"
"Was wondering if you'd want to have dinner with me and Lace?" As he asked I could hear Lacy yelling in the background. "Wanted to call and make your mans jealous so he makes a move," he chuckled darkly. "So, play along, baby."
"Dinner, huh?" I rubbed my back of my neck while smiling. "Sounds like fun," I let my voice lilt in a flirty way.
"Pick you up at 7," Sid was laughing in the back and Lacy had stopped yelling. I could barely hear her telling Sid that this phonecall was a good idea.
Then, muffled, "Ooh! I'll see you at dinner then... Make your man jelly and dress up okay, babe?" It was Lacy.
"Sounds like a date.." I almost giggled at how stupid this was. And yet I was playing along...
Adrian only looked away when I hung up.
I slid my phone into my hoodie pocket and chewed on my lip with a small smile. I then went to sit on the couch beside Adrian.
"Need to move the movie up earlier so you can get ready for your date?" His tone was a bit bitter. Jealous?
I leaned toward him, "that would be great, thanks.." I smiled cutely at him before resting back into the couch and opening up Pocket Camp.
"So when do you want to watch it then?" Adrian wouldn't look at me. He was busy typing something into his phone.
"Hmm.. an hour maybe?" I sat up straight like I was ready to leave, which I was. And he nodded before we both got up and left to our rooms.
God was I stupid?! This was a terrible idea!
I leaned against the back of the door, sighing.
I didn't want Adrian to get the wrong idea. Even though it was clear what I was "doing". He thought I was going on a date.
He wouldn't pursue you anyway, genius... He's not interested.
I crossed my arms. But he seemed to be questioning. Was it okay to make moves?
Of course it was! He touched me!
I huffed and flopped down on the bed.
Well I was certainly going to make the most of this movie date...