For the last two weeks, me, Martina, Dylan, Hardin, Becky and Marcus hung out almost every day. And in such a short amount of time, we are already very close. We make simple plans in the afternoon, but we also have dinner and party at night. There are a lot of parties here, not only in bars and clubs but also in student dorms. The night life is very active here, just as I like.
Today we're having dinner at Dylan's place. He lives at Kornoeljestraat and his dorm is quite spacious with 311 rooms, but since it's got eleven floors, doesn't look that large on the inside.
In this dorm, each floor has its own common room and kitchen. So, when we go to Dylan's dorm, we always hang out in the common room on his floor. The common room has a door connecting to the kitchen and balcony that's as large as the common room, and the kitchen combined.
Our group decided to do something more relaxed today because we've been going out almost every day, and most of us have classes on Thursday, which is tomorrow. So we are having some pizza and drinking beer. It's just us in the common room and Hardin hasn't arrived yet.
"You still don't have a roommate, Marcus?" Dylan's sitting at the table and asks as he bites into his slice of pepperoni pizza.
Marcus is the only one in our group with a shared room, and I am the only one with a studio apartment. Everyone else has a single room, but with no bathroom. I can't imagine how they can live with a bathroom that's shared with all the other students on their floor, but this is how they live.
"Not yet! Well, maybe the other guy dropped out and it'll just be myself. I'd really like to have a roommate, I don't particularly like being by myself." Marcus is on the couch, eating a slice of pizza.
"I love being on my own, I'm free enough to do whatever I want without a second person bugging me," I reply.
Marcus continues, "I mean, I also don't mind having a room to myself. It makes it much easier to bring girls." Him and Dylan share a look and giggle. "Still, I hope my buddy shows up. Well, changing the subject, are you guys coming to the party on our dorm on Saturday?"
"I'm coming, what time is it?" I ask as I take a sip from my beer. I'm sitting on the couch next to Marcus and I'm stuffed with pizza, so I'm just drinking now.
"It's in the afternoon, so we can enjoy what's left of the Summer. Then it'll get darker sooner. It starts at two o'clock," answers Becky, who's sitting with Dylan at the table.
Hardin enters the common room and heads towards me to give me a kiss on the lips. Then he heads to the table to get a slice of pizza, and sits next to Becky.
On the first day we hung out with the guys, just as I planned, we ended up making out at the club. It was easy, I kept locking eyes with him; I danced only with him and BAM; he kissed me.
After that, we didn't really talk about what we have, but Hardin's not much of a talker, anyway. And that's good, it's one of the things I like about him.
Ever since that day we've been texting, meeting, and he took the initiative of kissing me in front of our friends, and I'm okay with that. We don't have anything serious, we're just enjoying the moment while it lasts.
The truth is that boys have been a priority in my life since a long time ago. When I was twelve, I had platonic relationships with the boys from the soap opera I watched on television. I would also daydream about the oldest boy in my class, who had flunked twice, misbehave in class, and get the attention of all the girls. I've always thought that type of guy would never look at me, I was just a girl with nothing special about her.
Later on, when I started the 8th grade and turned thirteen, I met a girl named Júlia, who told me all about boys. After that, they weren't so out of reach as I thought; in truth, it was actually quite simple. Júlia, despite being my age, had already kissed a lot of boys, and taught me how to get their attention. It was all a question of appearing older and more confident, wearing clothes that favored our feminine curves still in development, using a little makeup, and we didn't really need to do anything else because they would come to us.
Truth is, I loved listening to Júlia exciting stories, and I also wanted boys' attention; I wanted to stop dreaming of kissing them and actually have my first real life kiss. Ever since my first kiss, I've never stopped.
Júlia is still my best friend and we've been inseparable. I was sad to leave her, and almost gave up on coming to the Netherlands, but after the latest events in Portugal, I'm glad I left, and know this trip came at the right time.
"So, Hardin, you've only gotten here now? Where have you been?" asks Martina, who is also eating at the table, and who I'm sure is asking this question to control her Portuguese friend's supposed boyfriend. If she knew me like Júlia does, she'd realize I don't give a damn about what Hardin does.
"I was finishing up a paper for tomorrow's class, what a bummer. I was starving."
"Wanna play a drinking game?" suggests Dylan. Everyone grunts in disagreement, except for myself and Hardin. I was in the mood for drinking, but I've been drinking too much, so it's better this way.
"Well, I love you guys, but I'm leaving. Are you coming, Kelly?" Martina gets up and heads towards me because we always head home together. We live next to each other and still don't really like walking around alone at night, even though Groningen is pretty safe.
"Already? But I just got here. Stay, Kelly. I'll take you home later." When Hardin suggested this, I felt like agreeing because I want to hang out with him.
"But that way Martina's going by herself," I respond.
"C'mon... I'll go and take her, so the two lovebirds can hang out a little more," says Marcus as he gets up and grab his jacket.
Marcus is the shortest boy in the group. Despite being taller than all the girls. He's attractive, with his dark eyes and chocolate brown hair, but I prefer Hardin. Marcus also talks a lot, like Dylan, although Marcus can be serious sometimes, and Dylan is just crazy most of the time.
"Thanks, Marcus," replies Hardin.
"Okay, then I'm staying." I get up from the couch, grab a slice of pizza and shove it in Hardin's mouth, and everyone laughs. "Eat fast so we can go, I've got an early class tomorrow."
"As if that's a problem for you," Hardin says as he turns to me.
He's right. I don't act responsibly, most of the time. I attend classes with only a couple hours of sleep or even hungover all the time, because I try not to skip any classes. Still, I skip classes from time to time. I know my greatest advantage, academically, is that I'm good at studying by myself, and always deliver every paper on time, which means I've never flunked any class.
"Well, see you guys tomorrow," says Martina.
"See ya," replies Marcus, before they leave the room.
We hung out with our friends for a while longer, and once Hardin was done eating, we headed towards my dorm on bikes. We were quiet most of the time, but it wasn't an awkward silence. In fact, Hardin's silence is comforting.
In Netherlands, everything's flat and nearby. Bikes are the main form of transportation here. Other than that, any clothing and weather is good enough to ride a bike. Literally everyone rides a bike, whether it be pouring rain, whether you're wearing high heels, or a skirt. I love driving, but riding a bike is actually freeing, and there's always parking spaces. And I can be drunk while doing it.
When we got to my studio, Hardin gave me a long kiss, and I feel myself getting hot. Then he stepped away as if leaving, and for a moment I'm wondering if I should let him in for a bit. I don't want to make things complicated, or for him to think we're committed to each other. I like what we have: it's simple, easy, no drama.
Even though we're together when we're in front of our friends, we don't need to give each other satisfactions about what we do in our free time, nor do we have prolonged conversations about our personal lives. So, when I am with him, I can really forget about everything.
"Hardin, hold on. Want to come in?"
"Yeah, of course." He steps off his bike and places it next to mine in front of the building, and locks it.
With time, I learned several important things about guys and about myself.
First of all, being with guys increases my self-esteem.
Second, guys are easy to manipulate, regardless of being single or in serious relationships. All a girl needs to do is to show she's interested and play the seduction game, and they'll fold. And I've learned that I'm a beautiful girl who knows how to play the game.
Third, dating guys from your friend group is not a good idea, because when things go wrong, you're forced to leave your group of friends. That is precisely the point where I'm failing to hit the mark with Hardin. But I'm cool: Erasmus is also about taking risks and being adventurous, breaking rules. Anyway, it shouldn't be a problem because as we will only be here for a year, he realizes that this is not for life. We are on the same page, and this is perfect.
I know that being in a new place with new people, having the same boy for a while is the best for me. And this is going well, because I'm not tired of Hardin yet.
Don't talk to her, she'll steal your boyfriend. Didn't you hear that she and that other blonde are always messing with all the boys?
This one here, is the school slut!
I push my thoughts away, because with Hardin I will have no judgment from anyone.
Hardin closes the door to my studio. I set my purse down, hang my coat, take off my shoes and drop my dress, wearing nothing else but my underwear. He holds me from behind and starts kissing my neck, and then my shoulder. The heat grows on me; I turn to him and desperately take his mouth. I take off his jacket and toss his t-shirt on the floor. Then he starts unbuttoning his jeans. I head towards the bed as he removes his pants and his sneakers.
"Come closer," I say, and he nods with his head. I can see the fire in his eyes as he joins me in bed, laying next to me.
Another thing I've discovered from the start is that there is good sex and there is bad sex, and with Hardin, the sex is good. At least, he knows how to touch me, and the times we were together he made me come. Also, I don't like when they talk a lot during sex. So, I finally made a good choice of man.
***
I put my nightshirt on and I want to tell him nicely that I don't want him to stay over. It's one disadvantage of having him as a friend, because if he weren't in my group of friends I wouldn't have to be nice or be careful with my words.
I end up not having to say anything, because he's putting his clothes on and getting dressed, anyway. This is other of the reasons I like Hardin. Everything's so simple with him.
"I'm heading out, Kelly. You probably want to get some rest. Let me know when your classes are over tomorrow, if you're up for it." He ties his shoes and gives me a quick kiss on the lips, and I walk him to the door.
"See you tomorrow, Hardin. Thanks." I close the door and feel exhausted, set my alarm clock, and fall asleep almost instantly.
***
I'm removing the lock from my bike when Martina arrives on her own bike and stops in front of me.
"Good morning! Do you really need a jacket like that? It's not that cold." I look at her and get on my bike.
"I'm not feeling too good, I think I'm getting the flu," I reply.
"What are you feeling?"
"My head hurts, and I'm freezing. Sometimes I get the chills and I'm exhausted. But I think I'm sleepy because I've been going to bed late."
"Sounds bad. And you're still coming to class? You're gonna give us all the flu!"
"Yeah, I'm coming. I'm good to go and I don't want to miss anything."
"It's your call, but you should rest after class." I start pedaling, and Martina follows me toward the city center.
I spend most of the class trying not to fall asleep, trying to understand what the teacher's saying, and praying that no one asks me anything, or that I don't have to do any practical exercises.
I don't even leave the room during break, given how tired I am. When class is over, it's a huge relief. I come home and get in bed and spend the rest of the day resting and sleeping.
I text Hardin saying I'm not going out because I've got the flu. He asks if I want him to come over and take care of me, but I say no. I don't need anyone to take care of me. Never have, never will.
***
The following day, and even though it's a Friday and my friends are going out, I'm not feeling up to it, so I decline the invitation to go downtown.
It's eight o'clock when my doorbell rings, and I have to drag myself out of bed to open the door. I'm surprised to see all five of my Erasmus friends coming into the building and then my studio.
"We came to see you before we hit the town," says Marcus as he walks into my apartment, followed by everyone else.
"Here, we brought you dinner. Becky made it, so if it sucks you already know who to blame." Hardin hands me a bag with a Tupperware and hugs me gently from behind, kissing me on the cheek.
"Of course it's gonna suck, it's saltless sick person food," Becky explains.
"Thanks guys, you're the best! I wasn't expecting guests. Wanna sit down for a bit?"
"Thanks Kelly, but we're leaving right now and we just wanted to see how the blondie of the group was doing," says Dylan, while rubbing my head.
"I think I'm feeling better already. You guys don't want a beer?"
"We'll take a beer," Martina says right away.
I take the bag to the kitchen and put the food on a plate to heat it up. I'm still fasting and starving, so I'm glad they showed up. I pour my friends beers, and after chatting for a bit, they leave.
When they leave, I realize how cool they are, and how much I like having a group of friends. I wasn't expecting them to care so much, let alone pay me a visit. I'm not used to being treated this well, except for Júlia. I think Júlia is the only person in my life who treats me well, but maybe I don't deserve anyone else treats me that way.
Speaking of Júlia, I'm skyping her now that I have some free time. I tell her everything that's been going on in the Netherlands, including the whole Hardin thing with all the dirty details. We share everything, and for a while we've even shared the same guys.
"I hope that Hardin guy isn't falling for you, because if he is then poor him, he doesn't know what he's getting himself into." She moves her fingers through her blond hair to make it look better for the camera.
"He's chill with me, I think. I don't really care anyway. How are things on your end?"
"The house is really empty without you. And your mom stops by every once in a while."
"What? Why? Don't open the door for her, Júlia," I say, clearly not in the mood.
"She asks why you're not answering her calls. The usual. Don't worry, I'll deal with her."
"Typical. Well, I'm gonna go and watch a movie, and we'll keep in touch."
"Alright sis, kisses to you and feel better."