Dawn's Point Of View
*1 month later*
A whole month has gone by. A month since I've seen his eyes. A month since he's completely pushed me out of his life.
The way I'm sounding seems like all I've been doing is staring at the calendar but that's exactly what I've been doing. I've been crossing out the days, counting each day our baby has been growing. Our seemed like an insane word to use now that we were no longer. He claimed that we weren't actually done but he hasn't called me once to see how me or the baby was doing. And he won't return any of my calls, or text messages. It's almost like I was completely irrelevant and non-existent to him.
If it wasn't for my Mom and Clara I don't know how I would've made it through all of this. My mom offered to stay with me and when I told her I could take care of myself, but she refused to leave because she was so worried about me. Honestly I really did need her. But it was so hard explaining the whole situation to her, I was in such fear that she'd be disappointed in me. But she heard me out, and while she told me I should've never even entered this crazy twisted relationship, she understood how it is not being able to let go when you're in love.
My body was drained, every ounce of emotions have been poured out of me through everything I've went through this past month. I kept replaying the fight we had and cringed every time the I hate you part kept replaying. I wish I had never said it because it probably hurt him but then again, he's hurt me throughout this whole pregnancy so far.
I guess the biggest thing that's been bothering me is why he would do something like this. It made me reconsider everything. I wondered if it was all a lie, if he ever really was in love with me like he said he was. Because when you love someone, you don't leave when things become inconvenient. When things get rough you don't leave, you stay and work through it. But shit, maybe that's only for committed relationships. When you're not really even considered a thing, maybe it makes it that much easier just to pick up and leave even though I was so good to him.
He seemed to be doing just fine though, him and Jade posting cute pictures together every chance they get. I could be spiteful and bring their whole shit tumbling down, tell Jade everything, as mad as I was at him, and as much as I couldn't stand him right now I wouldn't go that low; because honestly, what if I deserve this anyway? Maybe this is what happens when you dig in someone else's trash, when you fuck another woman's man.
No matter all the shit he talked about how much he loved me, I was disposable to him, and I've finally been disposed.
This is why I reacted the way I did when I realized I caught feelings for him. This is why I damn near destroyed my whole house, because I was so angry at myself for not having better control over my feelings; because maybe somewhere inside I knew he'd do something like this. Maybe I knew he'd eventually hurt me, but I didn't think he would to this extent. I guess you can't put things pass certain people.
Literally dragging myself off the couch, I slowly walked upstairs toward my bedroom. My feet walked to the middle of the room, and when I saw the carebear he got me, laying on my bed I slid down the wall and began crying again. I put my face in my hands and continued sobbing until I couldn't cry anymore. He really left me, because for the first time I told him no. Because I refuse to kill my child. After everything I've done for him, he does me this dirty.
I felt pathetic sitting here, wearing his hoodie he gave me; when he probably wasn't even thinking about me. When he's at home cuddled up with his girlfriend and playing Daddy to her child. When he has one on the way, one that's actually his.
I tore the fabric off my body and took my anger out on it, ripping the neckline and watching the seams come out one by one. It was something that belonged to him and ripping it to shreds seemed like the only thing I could think of to get him out of my head.
"I hate you!" I screamed in the middle of the room, trying to get every ounce of anger out that I could.
It helped a bit, but not enough. I wiped my tears, and stood up; then began walking towards the bathroom.
I put my hands under the faucet and threw cold water on my face. Once I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror, I turned to the side, looking down at my stomach. My finger tips caressed the little growing pouch on my stomach. I'm starting to show, but it's so slight it's not noticeable at all when I have clothes on. I'm only 10 weeks anyway.
I reached in the medicine cabinet and scanned it for my multi vitamins gummies and pre-natal pills; taking two of each.
"Hey hun, I bought some groceries. Any ideas for dinner?"
I turned around and saw my mom standing at the door. She left out to the supermarket awhile ago. Thank God she wasn't here to see my mental break down a few minutes ago.
"Whatever you decide is fine mommy, thank you." I said, sending her a grateful smile.
"Are you okay?" She asked, and I wanted to break down right then and there because I wasn't at all.
I shook my head. "No, but I'll be fine."
She walked over to me and pulled me in for a hug, wrapping her arms around me as tight as she could.
"I don't want you to feel for even a second that you're alone in this. Just because he's not stepping up to be a father doesn't mean you're alone..this child has a grandmother, a grandfather and Clara who's it's Godmother. Your baby will have all the love and care it needs."
I nodded, and slightly smiled. "Thank you mommy..that means a lot."
"I love you, and I'm here for you." She told me. "I know it's hard, but I don't wanna see you stressing about this stupid man anymore. It's not healthy for you or your baby."
"Okay." I nodded.
"Come, help me with dinner." She said, grabbing my hand and dragging me downstairs.
"So, have you thought of any names?" She asked, as she chopped up some chives.
That's when I realized I've been so stressed over Danny, I haven't even had time to pick out a name for the baby. Maybe I really needed to shift my focus.
"No." I said, as I set a timer on the oven to pre-heat it. "I don't know the sex yet, but any ideas?
"I don't know, but don't name him or her anything ghetto, like 'Dayshawn' or 'Laquisha." She giggled, making me laugh.
"Well I really like a unisex names; so I was thinking Adrian."
"I love it, it works for either a boy or girl."
"Yeah." I smiled. "And I can finally stop calling my baby an 'it.'" I said and chuckled.
______
It was my first day back to the office, I took some time off. That doesn't mean I haven't been writing though, writing is therapeutic for me, so whether I'm working or not I'm always gonna write.
Today I had a meeting with the executive assistant to the CEO of universal. I had to talk to her about removing Danny as an artist of mine. He doesn't even come to the office anymore, so there was no purpose of having him as a my artist anymore.
I showered, straightened my hair, put some concealer under my eyes to hide my dark circles which was probably from all the stress, and got dressed. I finally was starting to look like myself again, even though I didn't feel like it.
Once I got to the office, I flashed my pass to security and went upstairs to Mrs. Cooper's office.
"Good Morning!" I greeted, putting on my best fake smile.
"Mrs. Davis, Universal's best composer! How can I help you this morning?" She asked. "Please, sit!"
She reached her hand out pointing to the seat across from her, and I took a seat.
"I'd like to have an artist removed from my artist list."
"Hm, okay which artist is this?"
"Tekashi 6ix9ine."
She furrowed her eyebrows. "But Ms. Davis, you two work so well together. You just worked on an album together that did amazing. I must ask, why would you want to do this?"
"We're just having some.." My voice trailed off. "Creative differences; and I think it's best if we part ways. We no longer see eye to eye on certain things concerning the music, so I think it's time. Unfortunately, that happens sometimes." I lied.
She nodded her head. "Okay, well it's really misfortune to see this musical bond like the one you two had run it's course. I hope in the future you two can maybe come together again. I'll just have to give Tekashi a call to make him aware of this, so if you'll excuse me."
"Of course." I told her. "I'm gonna head to my office. Thank you Mrs. Cooper."
"My pleasure." She replied, as I left the office.
Once I got settled into my office, I pulled out my laptop and notepad. I put on my earphones to get completely in my element and block out the noise of the loud city.
There was a knock at my door.
"Come in!" I shouted. "It's open."
I was confused by who walked in.
"Trippie?" I asked, watching him as he closed the door and took a seat across from me.
"Yeah, ya manager ain't tell you had an appointment with me?"
"Uhm..." I said, and opened my email on my laptop. Sure enough, I was scheduled for a meeting with him. What a coincidence that during the same time that Danny and I aren't on speaking terms, someone he's known to have beef with magically pops up at my office. Trippie and I had discussed working together before but I just find it interesting how now of all times, we finally meet.
"Looks like I overlooked it, sorry, it's my first day back." I told him. "So, what brings you here?"
"I wanna work witchu on a song." He said. "I think ya work is fire, even though you be working with rats and shit."
I gave him a blank expression. I wasn't gonna bother to defend Danny, but I wasn't gonna laugh either.
"Oh that's ya boy. My bad." He chuckled. "Speaking of that nigga, you write diss tracks?"
"I can write anything, but I've never written a diss track because I usually don't like getting involved in beefs. Why do you ask?"
"Because I wanna work on a diss track witchu." He said with a mischievous smirk.
"..about?"
"Who else?" He chuckled. "Listen, I know that's ya boy, so I'll make a deal witchu, I'll raise ya royalties by 20% if you work with me."
"That's not my boy." I corrected him. "And I don't need any more royalties than what I have."
He raised his eyebrows. "But ain't you buy him a Ferrari? Ain't he call you his best friend and shit?"
"Things change." I told him. "But that doesn't mean I'm gonna write a whole diss track about him. That's petty."
As much as Danny probably deserved it, and as much as I couldn't stand him right now; I couldn't do it.
"I'm sure whatever he did to you was low, cause it seems like you really fucked wit em. He fucks over everybody. He's just a low down dirty nigga, and a rat on top of that." He said, standing up. "But, hopefully you change ya mind. The offer is still on the table."
"No thanks, but we can work on any other song together if you would like." I told him.
"I'll keep that in mind." He said. "See you later, Dawn."
Once he left, I got up went into Clara's office.
"Did you know about that? The diss track Trippie wanted?" I asked her.
"Yeah." She chuckled. "I thought it was a good opportunity, I know you could probably kill a diss track about him."
"Come on Cee, you know me better than that." I shook my head. "I could never."
"That's the issue, stop letting niggas walk all over you and doing nothing about it ." She told me. "You're over two months pregnant with this mans child and he couldn't care less. And you're concerned about hurting his feelings? Fuck him, and his feelings. He doesn't care about you or the baby. He's made that clear, so why do you care about him? I say you write it and embarrass the fuck out of him. I bet he'll learn his lesson."
"I hear you, and you're 100% right, but that's not my character." I told her. "Trust me, I can't stand him. I hate him for doing this to me, and I'll never forgive him. He'll get what's coming to him. I know I was good to him, so I can sleep at night knowing this isn't my fault. I don't need to diss him through his enemies to make myself feel better."
She let out a loud sigh and rolled her eyes. "I get what you're saying, I just want you to hurt him just as bad as he hurt you. You could tear him to shreds just with words and publicly embarrass him. This nigga is a known snitch, it's not hard at all he already embarrassed himself."
"Yeah, but what's that gonna do for Adrian? Dissing my baby daddy isn't gonna help this situation. Maybe it'll make me feel a little better but it's not gonna make him be in Adrian's life. He's a dead beat. A diss track won't change that."