By: adventurousfeather
Earth is beautiful during the winter.
The wind is biting on her skin, and more often than not, she ends up with her nose pink and her fingertips numb. the daylight is shorter, and her dad's watch strapped around her wrist becomes useful during the times it's curiously dark when it's supposed to be bright. though the trees have lost its leaves, and the sun hides behind thick, gloomy clouds most of the time, there's something about the way winter settles in that makes clarke stop in her tracks and look around her surroundings in awe.
like now, when her body is telling her that it is time to wake up but white, thick clouds greet her on the sky when she pulls the curtains apart. the sun is nowhere to be seen, but it's bright enough for clarke to notice the frosty grass, shimmering and breathtaking, a sight she has never seen on earth before.
clarke murmurs quietly to herself, "winter is beautiful."
"winter is dangerous," lexa replies from where she's still laying on the bed, the thick fur blanket covering the lower half of her body and her brown locks spread over the pillows. "come back to bed, clarke." the commander's eyes are still closed, and her hand slowly slides to the side of the bed where clarke usually sleeps on. she continues, "hurry, before the little one wakes up."
lexa hears clarke chuckle followed by her quiet footsteps on the dark, hardwood floor. the blonde crawls on the bed towards her with a gentle smile on her face, and she's welcomed by lexa's strong arms and a nuzzle on her neck. clarke hums, tangling her legs with the commander's under the blanket, before she whispers, "who knew you'd be really clingy?"
there's a pause, before lexa opens her eyes and whispers back, "clarke, what is.. clingy?"
.
when they've finally untangled themselves away from each other and off the bed, and when dany has sat up and announced that she's hungry, they're downstairs in the kitchen when the clouds part and the sun begins to peek out.
"it seems like it's going to be a beautiful day," clarke says, looking out of the window and watching as the ice melts away from the grass and the barks of the trees.
lexa hums in response, her mouth full of dried berries and bread, tending to the two year old sat next to her. she's trying to wipe jam off of the child's face when dany sets the crusts of her sandwich on the table in front of her and inquires, "play out, mama?"
"outside, dany," clarke corrects, turning away from the window. she smiles at the furrow of dany's eyebrows as she seems to absorb what she's just been told, and then she smiles even wider at the furrow of lexa's eyebrows as she's focused on the task of cleaning their daughter's face.
dany repeats, "can I play outside," she sighs a little as she tries to turn her face away from lexa, "please, mama?"
before clarke can reply, lexa deems dany clean enough and sets the towel on the table before she says, "not today, strikon."
"no?" dany squeaks out, a bit confused, and her mama lexa nods.
"no," she echoes firmly. "not today, or for the next few days."
"why?"
"yeah, why?" clarke asks, leaning against the table. "it doesn't seem to be too cold for her to play outside today."
lexa looks up to meet her eyes and she stills, as if there's something important she has to say but she simply shrugs and repeats herself, "not today."
dany frowns dramatically, tapping her palm on lexa's arm, "please, mama lexa, please?"
"I said no, strikon," lexa responds, her tone firm and authoritative, "do you understand?"
the child's frown only deepens, and she looks up at clarke, tears brimming at her eyes. "mama, play outside."
(she's not quite used to being told that she can't have something, being the beloved only child of the commander and the sky princess. truth be told, dany's a little more than confused right now. she thought, since she had said 'please' more than once, that lexa would change her mind and say yes.
that is the purpose of the word, isn't it?)
clarke sighs, her eyes flitting between their daughter and lexa. she clicks her tongue, "not today, okay? we can play inside."
a quiet whimper escapes dany, and that sets her off. "outside," she whines, "wanna play outside!"
.
(it takes them ten minutes to calm her down, and when dany's tears have been kissed away by both of her mothers and she's settled in front of the fireplace with her toys, clarke corners the commander as she's putting on her boots at the foot of the stairs.
"what was that about?" clarke's voice is hushed as she watches lexa's swift fingers lace up her boots. when she only looks up wordlessly, her eyebrow quirking up curiously, clarke continues, "you wouldn't let her out even though the sun is shining outside."
lexa stands, straightening her armour and squaring her shoulders. her lips are a thin line as she seems to think about what to say. "the sun may be shining but the wind bites. I don't want her to fall ill."
something feels off, clarke thinks. "you let her out yesterday and you didn't mind that she came home sniffling."
"all the more reason for her to stay inside." lexa's eyes dart towards the room where dany is quietly playing, "why are we still talking about this?"
clarke shakes her head slightly, "I don't know." she takes her bottom lip between her teeth, "we don't usually say no to her."
lexa breathes out, glad for the change of topic, and she smiles gently, "we should start, it's for her own good.")
.
the whole incident is forgotten for the next few days, and when lexa is out to meet with her warriors and tarryn is still away in her son's village for the next few days, dany tugs on clarke's shirt and she grins, "play outside, mama?"
it's late afternoon and the sun is surprisingly still out, but it's on it's way to setting and it'll be replaced by darkness in a few hours. clarke seems to mull over the question in her head, and she sees no harm in letting dany out for a little while. "sure, baby, but you're only allowed outside the house where I can see you. you can't go too far or into the centre, okay?"
(she needs these next few hours anyway to clean dany's mess on the dining table from their lunch and to clear away her toys that are littering the hallways.)
clarke doesn't let the little girl out until she's sure that dany understands that she mustn't go far, and until she's sure that her coat is buckled up and her gloves aren't going to be pulled off haphazardly while she's playing.
there are only a few children playing around the trees and on the street up ahead of the commander's home. dany is quick to join them, and soon clarke is busy tidying up the house.
(she fondly thinks of herself as the housewife, like in those movies she has watched and books she has read that date back to the society of the old world. she feels maybe, this is her kind of normalcy now.)
clarke only pauses from tasks when she hears the front door open and then quietly click shut, and she hears sniffling and loud stomping of boots in the hallway, followed by, "mama clarke!"
dany's sitting on the floor, adorably struggling to get her wet boots off when her mama enters the room. she greets her with, "help, please."
clarke beams before kneeling down to assist her. "you're home early. are you hungry?"
the child nods, then she adds, "gavi's sick."
"gavi? is this your new friend?"
"uh-huh," is dany's reply, along with another nod. "she's sick." she's quiet for a while, then she looks up at clarke with a serious expression that reminds her of the commander. "sick," the child repeats.
clarke hums, "I hope she feels better so you can play together soon." she helps dany out of her thick coat and the child is still quiet, and it slightly unnerves her. "hey, what's wrong?"
dany sighs heavily, as though it is seriously bothering her. "gavi's sick," she simply echoes, before walking off to the kitchen. "kuma, mama, sanch," she calls out, "come on, mama, food."
.
(clarke doesn't get the chance to mention to lexa that dany had played outside, not when she's busy with keeping the child preoccupied and doing the tasks she usually shares with tarryn in the house.
and sure enough, the simple fact that dany had played outside today, is completely out of her mind until lexa reminds her of it.)
.
dany is unusually quiet as she settles on her designated chair at the dining table, stacked with thick books to help her reach the flat of the table, and she's still quiet while clarke and lexa are eating dinner.
"strikon," the latter notes that her food is untouched, and she is only staring blankly at it, "what is wrong?"
dany offers no reply, but they figure out that something is definitely wrong when she looks up and blood begins leaking out of her eyes.
lexa and clarke are quickly up from their seats and around the child, wiping away the blood from her cheeks as well as the blood beginning to drip from her nose, and out of her ears.
clarke's heart hammers in her chest and she takes dany into her arms, "what's going on with her?"
(panicking is the last thing she should be doing, because it doesn't help her focus, doesn't help her think of the things she knows that could be wrong with their daughter.)
lexa stills, and her eyes are sharp as she looks up at clarke, "did you let her go outside today?" her eyes widen and that's enough of a response for the commander. "clarke, I told you she couldn't go outside!"
lexa's voice sparks a fire within clarke's chest and she feels her cheeks burning as she replies with the same intensity, "you didn't tell me why!"
dany interrupts them as she coughs out a mouthful of blood onto clarke's shirt, and her voice is hoarse as she whimpers, "mama." her eyes are half-lidded and blood is staining her face, "mama," she repeats.
clarke lets out a breathless sob as she automatically rocks the child in her arms, and then she remembers the time when she experienced these symptoms herself.
(during the time before the ark came down to earth, when it was her co-leadership with bellamy that kept them alive and surviving on the ground, when finn was the one who caught her, and carried her into the drop ship when she fainted.
when the grounders sent murphy with the virus that killed four of her people.)
and then clarke recognises it, "it's that virus," she says, "the biological warfare you sent us when we landed on the ground." lexa's silence is enough of a response for her, and she continues, "you knew."
the commander's jaw tightens, "that's why I told you not to let her out-"
there's tears brimming in clarke's eyes, and she's angry because they could've prevented this from happening. her voice echoes throughout the house, "you could've told me why-"
"we expose it to everyone during winter!" lexa admits, her eyes steely and her hands clutched into fists. she takes a deep breath, "once you are exposed and you survive through it, you don't experience the suffering again." she pauses when dany shivers in clarke's arms, her eyes softening at the sight of the child so fragile. "it weeds out the weak from the strong, it cleanses the bloodline."
clarke's expression twists into disgust, "lexa, you exposed it to children. dany's only two years old!"
the commander's eyes are shining with tears now too. she shakes her head slowly, "it is the way of my people, clarke."
dany barks out another cough, her tiny body shaking from the intensity of it, and when lexa reaches out to rub her back and soothe her, clarke slaps her hand away. "don't touch her," she snaps.
"clarke-"
the blonde holds dany tightly in her arms. "stay away from her," she nearly growls out, as she walks out of the kitchen.
.
lexa's standing outside of the bedroom, listening to the dany coughs and pained whimpers, and she sighs heavily as she pushes the door open.
"get out," clarke glares from where she's sitting on the bed, rocking dany in her arms and wiping the blood away from her chin.
"she is my daughter, too," is all what lexa says as she steps inside and sits next to her on the bed. clarke only protectively clutches the child against her chest, "clarke, please."
dany's green eyes blink open before her body is wracked with another wave of coughing, and lexa aches to hold her close. her breathing seem to relax again but her eyes are still open, blankly staring up at the ceiling, and she mumbles hoarsely, "sick, mama."
"I know, baby," clarke whispers, kissing dany's forehead gently.
"like gavi," the child adds.
"you must've gotten it from her today."
dany slowly moves her eyes from the ceiling towards her mothers, and she grins weakly at lexa, her teeth stained with blood. "gavi's sick," she tells her. "I'm sick."
"sha, goufa," lexa takes her small hand and brings it up to her lips to leave a kiss on it. she whispers, "I'm here, I won't go away, I promise."
dany closes her eyes, the grin still on her face. clarke sighs, gently tucking her curly brown hair away from her face. she quietly warns, "lexa, if something happens to her-"
the commander interferes, "nothing will happen to her, this will pass quickly. she is one of the strong ones, I know it."
the room is peaceful again, the only noise they can hear is dany's labored, but even breaths, and clarke thinks maybe lexa is right, maybe everything will be okay.
that is, until blood begins to bubble out of the child's mouth and her tiny body stiffens before it begins to convulse. lexa's heartbeat pounds in her ears and clarke quickly settles dany on the floor, turning her body to the side and they watch as the blood spills out of her mouth and all over the hardwood floor.
she meets clarke's panicked eyes and she knows, if anything happens to their daughter, this could very well ruin them, and ultimately, her.
.
they stay awake all night and through the morning, and lexa is tasked with cleaning up the pool of blood on the floor and bringing up water for dany, as clarke refuses to let her go, even for a minute.
(every coughing fit dany has, makes their hearts stop in their chests, and every time her body convulses, clarke nearly loses her focus on what to do, if not for lexa's firm squeeze on her arm.
they've never seen each other so pale and alarmed, not even when they were trying to take down the mountain men.)
dany has had three seizures, and just after the third one, clarke burst into tears and tugs on lexa's shirt. "we can't lose her. I'm so scared, lexa. we can't-"
"shhh," she presses a kiss on clarke's temple. there's a cold hand wrapped around her heart, and lexa knows this is exactly how clarke feels. "we will not. she's ours, she's not going anywhere."
.
the sun is high in the sky the next day, and clarke has succumbed to her exhaustion but lexa has not, and dany is sleeping in between them. her cheeks are flustered from the warmth radiating from both of her mothers, and she can feel lexa's fingers playing with hers as she squints her eyes at the bright light coming in from the window.
"mama?"
lexa's eyes widen for a fraction as she takes in dany's sleepy ones looking up at her, and she feels all the dread flow out of her body as the little girl beams slowly. "hei, ai strikon," she mirrors the child smile, and lexa leans down to kiss her forehead, "hi, my little one."
"mama," dany says again, sitting up slowly. she looks over to clarke's sleeping form and taps her face. "it's morning."
clarke blinks her eyes awake, frowning at the cause of her disturbance, but when she sees it's a smiling dany, sitting up and looking more energetic than she did last night, her frown morphs into a wide grin. "you're awake," she murmurs. "you're okay."
"I'm okay," dany giggles as she's being lifted onto lexa's lap and her face is peppered with kisses from the commander and the sky princess.
.
"clarke," lexa starts, as she watches the blonde spoon feed their daughter. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you. you should've known."
blue eyes dart between her and the little child between them, and clarke lets out a sigh before she says, "yes, I should have." she tilts her head slightly, "we are your people now."
lexa nods once, "you are." her eyes are full of regret as she looks down at dany, touching her cheek. "I will not let anything like that happen to you again."
dany seems to stare at her for ages, before she simply nods and smiles. "okay," she replies, then she turns her head towards clarke and opens her mouth, "ahh."
lexa meets clarke's eyes after she feeds dany some more porridge, and the pressure in her chest seems to dissipate when the blonde offers her a small smile.
"we're all okay," clarke says.
the child pats her arm. "more, mama," she announces, opening her mouth.
.
(much, much later, when dany's fallen asleep again, in her crib this time, and they're cuddling on the bed, the commander quietly clears her throat. "clarke."
"yes, lexa?"
she seems to hesitate for a bit, before she continues, "are we really okay?"
clarke lets out a laugh, an action she couldn't even comprehend doing only hours ago. "we're definitely fine."
lexa nods, resting her head on clarke's shoulder. "you haven't kissed me in a while."
she hears a sharp breath out through clarke's nose, and then, "let me fix that.")