*.☽.*
5:46PM
I was in my room, sitting and facing the mirror on the vanity table. I stared at my reflection. My eyes were puffy, my nose and cheeks were red from crying. I silently shed tears on the train and even after I came home.
Aunt Sunny and Jihye weren't home since they had to visit a relative in another town and wouldn't be home until tomorrow morning, Uncle Jinwoo was still at work so I had the whole house to myself.
I cried, so hard the moment I reached my room. And as I gave in to this vulnerability, I remembered everything that happened recently. From Ara to Eun Chan, my mom, Manager Kang, the news and the possible aftereffects...
Baekhyun and his career...
My god, I swear I'm losing my mind.
My phone was right in front of me. I held it in my hands for a few times but ended up putting it back on the table, not having the heart to call him.
I can't do this. I can't fucking do this.
I can't break up with him again. I cannot handle it.
No, I don't wanna leave him...
But then, as I thought of Baekhyun during his concerts and remembered the sparkle in his eyes when he performed, the glow on his face when he talked to his fans...his laughter on TV, his songs, his voice...
It would not be fair if I had him all to myself. I wouldn't be happy knowing he risked something he loved for me.
I can't be selfish.
How is this love right when he had to lose something important to him in exchange?
Maybe this is wrong, maybe meeting him is.
Maybe going back to Korea is.
Wiping my tear-stained cheeks, I took my phone in my hand once more and with slightly trembling hands, I went to my contacts and pressed on his number.
I felt my heart being gripped.
I took a deep breath, undeniably not ready for the heartbreak that would come the moment I hear his voice. For one second, I prayed that he wouldn't pick up the call. I wasn't ready.
"Hi Baby." He answered on the third ring.
He sounded so glad I called and the affection in his voice made me lost it.
"Did you call because you missed me already?" He teased.
With blurred vision due to tears, I covered my mouth as I started crying once more. I was afraid that he would have the slightest idea of my breakdown.
"Hey..." He muttered. "Baby, is everything okay? Are you home?"
I gulped, hoping I could get the words I need to say out.
How do I even start with this?
"Are you crying?" He asked, all of a sudden.
He was obviously worried and I couldn't take this anymore. I took the phone away from my ear so I could sob freely as I wiped the tears from my eyes, since they just wouldn't stop from flowing.
I was not ready to do this. No, the truth was, I would never be ready for breaking his heart.
"Baek..." It took every ounce of energy I have left to reply.
My voice instantly gave me away.
"Baby, why are you crying? Tell me what's wrong."
"I'm sorry." It was all that I could say.
No. No. Park Hae Won, don't you do this. Please.
The part of me that loved him so hard wanting to break free.
"What are you sorry for?" He sounded confused. "I...I don't understand, is something wrong? Did something else happen?" His consecutive questions was somehow gave me a hint that he knew what was about to happen.
I took a deep breath as my free hand reached for my chest. It hurt so much, I thought my heart was going to explode any moment from now.
Please. NO. Please.
"Hae Won." He muttered, his voice serious. "Tell me this is not what I think this will be about...Please."
The way he said please...
"I'm sorry Baek..." I apologized once more before I paused to bite my lip to supress my sobbing.
"Baby no, please..." His panicked voice filled my ear. "Stop-"
"Let's break up." I added in a barely audible voice.
There was a brief silence...
One, two...four seconds.
"What are you talking about?" In denial was evident in his tone.
I was sitting but I could still feel my knees weaken at his remarks.
This was too much.
"Let's break up, Baekhyun." I said once more as I mustered the remaining courage I have left. "Let's end this."
Three seconds.
"Wait...how-you....you don't mean it, do you?" He stuttered and I could just sense how this was making him feel right now. "Why are you doing this all of a sudden? We were fine this morning right? You even told me you're going to wait for me. How come you're talking about breaking up now?"
It was almost as if I could hear his heart breaking.
"Let's stop seeing each other." I replied, my voice almost broken. "Don't come looking for me anymore."
It was like stabbing my own heart. No, I was actually stabbing my own heart.
"Wait Hae Won." He stated. "Why are you doing this? Did someone tell you to do this? Did someone talk you out of this? Was it Eun Chan? Ara? Someone from the company? Who?"
"No Baekhyun." I shook my head as if he could see me.
I heard him sigh and it took him a couple of seconds to speak once more.
"You do know that this is unfair right? You're breaking up with me on the phone. Why now? Why, when I'm miles away from you...when I can't do anything to stop you from leaving..."
I know I was being unfair.
I couldn't stand the undeniable pain I could sense in his tone. I could just imagine how afflicted he looked right now.
"This is tiring. I'm tired of all of this." I reasoned out, desperate to find a better excuse. "I'm tired of crying. Just let me go. I can't deal with this anymore."
I could feel him walking back and forth, his breathing a bit ragged.
"We already talked about this already right? I told you and promised you that I'll fix things. We'll get through this together. I don't get why you're telling me this now?"
He sighed.
"Baby. If I had to tell the world that I'm with you, I would. If that's the only way we could be free. I'm going to tell everyone that I don't have any sort of relationship with Ara anymore and that you're my woman."
I didn't answer as I closed my eyes, biting my lip to keep myself from sobbing.
"C'mon Hae Won, don't do this." He was practically begging.
"Baekhyun. You know that this is not gonna work out. I'm sorry." I forced the words out of my thoughts and barely had the strength to verbalize them.
I was sure I heard him sob.
I hate myself.
I undeniably and utterly hate myself for doing this to him.
"Baby, I'll be home in a couple of days. Wait for me, please. Let's at least talk about this when I arrive in Korea, okay? Not now."
He sounded so sad, I swear it was killing me.
"No Baek. I won't wait for you."
"Hae Won..."
The way he sounded when he said my name was excruciating.
I couldn't stand talking and hearing his voice any longer.
"Goodbye, Baekhyun." I bid.
Then, without giving him a change to reply anymore.
I ended the call.
I stood and walked towards my bed but instead of sitting on it, I bent my legs and sat on the floor with my back leaning on the bed as I continued to break down.
My phone, which was still in my hand, rang. His name on my screen. I looked at it for a brief moment, tempted to answer and hear his voice again but I ended up putting it on the bed, far enough so I couldn't easily reach it.
It stopped ringing only to start once more.
And again.
And again.
Again.
My crying mixed with the sound of my phone and ignoring it made me hysterical. So, I mustered all the remaining courage that I have left to turn off my phone.
"I'm so sorry." I said in between sobs.
I couldn't imagine how he felt right now.
He's in Japan and he was about to perform on his concert tomorrow.
It was cruel to put him through this.
I just broke his heart.
Probably as broken as mine right now.
Unforgivable.
This is.
***
That night when Uncle Jin Woo saw me in the kitchen when we were eating dinner, I knew he wanted to ask me about how I looked. My eyes were puffy and my voice was hoarse from crying yet for some reason, he didn't. I knew he was concerned but he was probably also too hesitant to ask me. I also kept spacing out the whole time and didn't really have the right appetite to eat so I just waited for him to finish eating so I could wash the dishes.
As I was left alone in the kitchen, I couldn't help but remember the last time Baekhyun was here. How he was so hungry at that time, he got us both in trouble. I recalled how pale he looked at me when he saw a petrified Ji Hye, unbelievably staring at him before Aunt Sunny joined us and made matters worse.
I swear, I was so tired of crying but standing alone in the kitchen with my thoughts filled with our memories here together was triggering every part of me that's sane to give in all at once.
I walked to my room as fast as I could but stopped when I reached the door. It was as if I could see him standing, holding on to the doorknob with a playful smile on his lips just like the last time he teased me asking me if we weren't really going to do it.
I am certain that this is how it's going to be in the coming days.
How am I supposed to survive this?
There was no way, I'd survive this.
***
The next couple of days were unbearable. I couldn't hide and keep pretending so I told my aunt about my break up with Baekhyun. I poured everything out to her, I was so hurt and in pain I'd go crazy if I hold it all in. I knew Ji Hye was too scared to ask me why I was acting this way so I also told her that Baekhyun and I were over. When she cried, asking why, I told her and did my best to explain to her that none of this was Baekhyun's fault. I didn't know how she took it and I couldn't blame her from feeling heartbroken as well.
I stayed away from my phone the best way I could. I knew Baekhyun had been calling me and it took every ounce of control I had not to answer them. I didn't even read his messages.
I hope my feelings die just like how my phone died when it ran out of battery.
***
10:14 AM
It was a Tuesday Morning.
It's been three days since I broke up with Baekhyun. Nothing's better. Honestly, I wasn't sure how it'd get better. It was impossible. I had been trying my best to divert my attention to other things but as expected, I keep failing. I tried to listen to music but the first music that played was his song.
He's everywhere. Especially in my thoughts.
I think about him every time. Like every fucking time. I don't know what else to do.
I was at the shop, busy arranging the flowers alone since Aunt Sunny was inside. I didn't know I was crying again until I felt a tear rolled down my cheek. I immediately wiped it with the back of my hand afraid that a customer might see me. However, I realized that it was too late when I heard someone walked.
"Excuse Me." I heard someone called.
Flustered, I turned around and saw a teenage boy. It's Soo Jin. A fourteen year old who lived a few blocks from us. I often see him around here and I noticed how he would always have his eyes on his phone even when he's walking on the street. And that was what he's exactly doing right now. He seemed to be playing something on his phone.
"Yes Soo Jin?" I asked as I tried to steady my voice. "Are you going to buy flowers?"
"No." He answered briefly, his eyes still on his phone, his fingers busy.
"So, how can I help you?" My forehead creased.
"Someone asked me to call you." He replied in a very straightforward manner.
My heart started to hammer right away upon hearing the word someone.
"Who?" I hesitated.
Please, let it not be Baekhyun. I was silently praying.
The boy shrugged.
"He's in the car." He replied as her briefly took his attention from his phone and looked across the street.
There was a sleek, black Audi across the street. The sight of the car in front of the shop turned out to be a painful thing to see as well.
It's him.
It's Baekhyun.
Just knowing that he was here, a few feet away from me.
God, I won't survive this.
"Okay Soo Jin, just go home." I panicked, turning away from him to the flowers.
"What should I tell him?"
"I don't know. Tell him I'm busy. Just tell him anything." I replied breathlessly, looking at the boy again.
I shouldn't see him. Not yet. Not now.
"He told me that if you won't go out, he'll go out of the car all the way here." The boy warned his eyes still not leaving his phone.
I was taken aback, my brain lagging for a brief second.
"He said that?" I asked, nervous.
Soo Jin nodded.
I tensed debating if Baekhyun would really do it. I checked the street and there were more people than usual. He would grab attention and get noticed the moment he got out of his car.
Then I made up my mind.
No. He wouldn't do it. If he did, then he'd really be in trouble.
He wouldn't risk it.
"No." I muttered, convinced that he wouldn't do it. "Tell him to leave. And tell him not to come back again Soo Jin, okay?"
He wouldn't do it, I kept repeating it in my head and I was pretty sure I was trying to convince no one but myself.
He's Byun Baekhyun.
He shouldn't be out here in broad daylight. He wouldn't dare walk across the street.
Soo Jin was still in the shop with me. He's leaning at the counter and I don't need to look at him to know that his eyes were still on his phone.
I took a deep breath as I took out the roses from the pail and put them on the table to check them before displaying. For some reason, I briefly forgot about Baekhyun and the very reason why Soo Jin was here. I was beginning to concentrate on the flowers when for the first time I noticed the boy removed his attention from his phone. He looked up and turned to the entrance.
"See, I told you so." I heard Soo Jin's fading voice.
I couldn't believe it.
He's here. He's really here. He was wearing a plain, long sleeved beige shirt, slightly fitting navy blue pants that were ripped on the knees, white Nike Shoes and his signature black bucket hat.
I was processing it all in. How he's right in front of me right now. Then to my surprise, he slowly removed the bucket hat. Revealing his entire bare Byun Baekhyun face with a pair of gold specs.
I felt my heart sank. He's here.
His eyes immediately bore into mine and it almost caused me to breakdown right away. I missed him so bad, I wanted to run to him right now. I wanted to tell him that I didn't mean anything I said and that I wanna be with him.
However, panic has taken over me the next second as I caught a glimpse of Soo Jin, who was already looking intently at Baekhyun as if trying to recognize him.
"Soo Jin, please-"
"Too Late, I already know him." I almost froze because of his remark.
What the boy did right after almost gave me a heart attack. He showed me his phone with a full screen picture of Baekhyun.
"Oh my god." I gasped.
Rattled, I immediately dragged Baekhyun by the arm from the entrance of the shop and made him stand somewhere a little bit hidden.
"Weren't you thinking?!" I glared at Baekhyun.
"I wasn't." He answered nonchalantly.
I gulped, realizing how much I missed his voice. I also noticed how I was holding on to his arm and I instantly had to dismiss the urge to cry in his arms. So, I hesitantly let go of him.
"What else do I have to lose anyway?" He added and I sensed a hint of exhaustion in his tone.
It was just then I noticed how he really looked. He looked like he went here straight from the airport. His eyes don't have the usual glow. He looked downcast. His hair, it's dishevelled. This was not the usual Baekhyun. His aura was totally different. And it hurt to even think about it but he...he looked like he had been crying too.
My heart sank deeper this time as I saw heartbreak in his eyes.
Then I heard Soo Jin cleared his throat.
"Soo Jin..." I trailed off to go to him. "Tell me whatever you want, just don't say anything about it to anyone. Please."
"You don't have to do anything for me." The boy replied in a matter of fact tone.
"What?" My forehead creased, surprised.
"Just go talk to him. He looks devastated." He said, his eyes focused on Baekhyun.
I turned around to stare at Baekhyun for a moment. I refuse to think that he came all the way from Japan, straight from his concert last night. He's had been pushing his limits. I knew this. He had been since we got together, trying to make up for his busy schedule.
"My Sister liked him very much." Soo Jin added, taking my full attention with him.
My heart suddenly felt heavier after realizing that the boy was referring to his older sister who died from a car accident a year ago.
Gosh, this made me feel worse.
"I am not leaving unless you go with him."
Soo Jin, at such a young age, seemed to know what he's doing. Helpless, I turned to I look at Baekhyun once more who did nothing but gaze at me the whole time.
Looks like I'm in for another heart breaking moment.
I sighed in defeat.
God, please let me survive this.
***
I got in the car with him.
I was trying my hardest to be strong.
I could feel him watching me intently while I put the seatbelt on. I refused to meet his eyes so I saw him turned to the wheel and revved the engine on instead.
Being alone with him in his car was already too much to handle. I didn't know how I would be able to stop myself from breaking down. I wanted to succumb to my weakness, I wanted to just let this pretense go.
I guess the question really was how I long would I be able to hold it in.
After about twenty minutes of silent drive, I had the feeling that he was taking me to the old hiking place so I told him not to bring me there.
"Why?" He asked, his forehead creasing.
"Let's not ruin that place." I told him honestly.
That place was full of wonderful memories. It would be so tragic if we take whatever we're supposed to talk about there.
He stepped on the brake immediately and stopped the car on the side of the road. Then he rested his head on the steering wheel. He did it for a couple of seconds.
"What are you doing?" I asked him, though I knew.
"We have nowhere else to go other than that place." He straightened his sit, momentarily glancing at me before looking ahead. "So what's the point of driving?" He sounded really frustrated.
I sighed as I look around outside. We were on the outskirts of the town. I was pretty sure no one would see us here, so I didn't protest anymore. We stayed in the car for a few moments, none of us moving nor talking. Then he unbuckled his seatbelt and went outside. I watched him get off and closed the door. I stared at him from the passenger's seat for a while as he stood in front of the hood of the car.
I balled my clammy hands into fists, resisting the urge to cry.
There was no way this would end easy.
I inhaled, filling my lungs with as much as air, hoping to prepare myself for what was going to happen, before I got out.
His eyes were on me as I got out and waited for me to get closer.
"What are you doing here Baekhyun?" I asked him, trying my best to sound casual as possible when I was a foot away from him.
I instantly saw the hurt on his face, as if my question and the tone of my voice came to surprise him. He wasn't wearing his bucket hat nor the specs so every detail of his face was on display.
"I want us to talk and fix this Hae Won." He replied in a pleading and controlled voice.
"We already talked." I answered right away.
He didn't say anything for about a minute. I didn't as well or else I would already start making a fool of myself, breaking down in front of him when I was the one who initiated the break up.
"No." He muttered after taking a deep breath. "You talked. You didn't even listen to me." He said firmly. "I tried to talk to you. Called and texted you a hundred times but didn't pick up nor read my messages. I called even during my concert. I tried to contact you every after performance. I was losing my mind. Manager Kang literally had to stop me from booking the next flight right after you broke up with me on the phone."
I continued to look ahead, avoiding his eyes because I was certain it would tear me apart if I did.
"Why?" He asked, exasperatedly.
"I already told you Baekhyun. I can't do this anymore." My voice just above a whisper.
"Why?" He asked once more. "I know you're lying."
"Baekhyun Please." I told him. "Let's just be rational here, okay? You and I will never work out." I insisted, trying to conceal how I truly felt.
"No!" He contradicted in a firm voice. "We worked out. Everything was working out until you told me that it wouldn't anymore." He reasoned out vehemently.
"You call that working out?" I said, making an effort to sound strong and probably smug.
He looked slightly taken aback with my response. He turned to face me and I had full access to the pain that's written all over his face.
I couldn't take it anymore. Everything inside me ached upon seeing him this way. And the fact that I was the one causing him this made it worse.
"Were my efforts not enough?" He said. "Tell me..." He paused to wet his lips. "Because I can still do more. I can still..."
"You know this is not about that." I stated, cutting him.
"Is this about Ara? The pictures?"
"No." I muttered trying to swallow the lump in my throat.
"No what?"
I remained quiet.
"God, I'm losing my mind Hae Won!" He blurted out after letting out of a sigh.
"Baekhyun, just take me home." I said, ignoring his last question. "I already told you what I wanted to tell you."
"No. No. No." He replied refusing my request. "We're not going anywhere unless we fix this. Until you tell me what do I have to do to make this right." He was practically begging as he reached for my hand. "I'm sure there's something I can do. There's gotta be something..."
"Baek, let's not make this any harder." I told him as I removed my hand away from his grip.
I even made a step back away him and he suddenly looked like he was about to lose it.
"Fuck!" He suddenly yelled and I almost jumped on my feet.
He walked a few steps away from me and stayed on that spot for a few seconds. I watched him as his shoulders shake and his fingers rake his hair. I knew he was crying and he proved me right when he faced me once again. His eyes were wet with tears, he was even sniffling.
Damn. I hate seeing him cry.
What am I doing?
"Please don't do this to me Baby." This time, his voice was soft as he pleaded once more. "Just tell me what you want. Maybe you just need some time off, some space... I'll give it to you. Just don't...don't do this."
The sudden transformation of his tone was way too painful. Too painful, tears started to fill my eyes too. I couldn't be this evil to hurt him this much.
Then I remembered how I tried my hardest to endure the last couple of days trying to forget him, exerting effort to get rid of anything thing that reminded me of him. And now, seeing him now, in front of me, looking at me...pained and desperate. I could only cry... like what I had been exactly doing since I left Seoul.
I kept sobbing and wiping my tears repeatedly when I felt him near me and he hugged me. I wanted to hug him back so bad as I bury my face on his neck.
"Please let me go." I said in muffled voice, contrary to what I truly wanted.
"No." He answered as I feel him shake his head, holding me even tighter. "I can't."
I was sure his refusal broke the tiniest part of me that was not broken yet.
So, I used every ounce of energy I have left to push him away from me. Our eyes met when he was a foot away.
"Do you despise me this much now?" He smirked with an incredulous look on his face.
"I don't." I replied trying my best to steady my voice.
"Then why?!" He asked vehemently. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you breaking up with me?"
"Because I can't lie to myself anymore!" I yelled finally letting my guard down.
"What?" His voice turned soft and raspy.
I looked at him intently.
"It's so hard." I took a deep breath. "Everything is so hard for me Baekhyun! And I know that's it's hard for you too. I can't... I can't keep pretending that everything is going to be fine. I can't keep telling myself that I am good enough for you. I can't keep lying to myself believing that you and I have a chance." I paused and let out of a few sobs. "When I look at you, I feel guilty. I feel bad that you have to go through everything you have to because of me."
"What are you talking about Baby?" He stepped closer as he cup my face with his hands, his thumbs wiping my tears away.
However, I removed his hands.
"You're Korea's Byun Baekhyun. You're way too famous for me. And sooner or later this will all come an end. We both know that." I explained as I watched him stare at me unbelievably. "You can't fight them."
"No, I can win this." He argued. "Just trust me."
"But at what cost?" I paused and let out of a few sobs. "It'll cost you everything you worked hard for."
"I told you, I don't want anything but you." His response was quick. "Which part of it don't you understand?"
"No Baekhyun. It's not me. You know it's not me." I shook my head sideways.
"Please, that's not true. You know that. I love you." He said as he tried to hug me again but I stepped back, not letting him touch me.
His hands found their way to his head. He looked at me seeming to be contemplating on what he should do next. Then he tilted his head down. His both hands lay on his both sides.
I waited for him to say something.
"Just go to back to Seoul Baekhyun. Your company must be waiting for you. With all the mess right now, they need you to cooperate with them-"
"I don't fucking care about them!" He yelled. "They brought this to themselves. And honestly, at this point, I don't care about any of this now except you." He went on as he bore his eyes into mine. "You're the only one I want and I don't care how complicated it gets, I STILL WANT YOU."
The conviction in his voice struck me. I ended up biting my lower lip as I momentarily looked away.
"Baekhyun, you don't understand."
"I do. I totally get everything and I'm ready."
"No." I protested, looking back at him. "Do you have any idea how people are going to think of you when those pictures come out with all this news about you and Ara?" I trailed off as I filled my lungs with air because I literally felt like hyperventilating. "You're going to look like a bad person Baekhyun and I can't let that happen. I can't let you ruin everything you worked hard for just because of me."
"Just." He emphasized. "Just because of you?" He smirked. "You probably know how much you mean to me right?"
"I do..."
He moved his head sideways. "If you do, then you would've understand why I'm willing to risk everything for you right now."
God, Baekhyun stop making this so hard for me.
"You're only saying it now. What about next month? Or the next year? The Next few years?" I struggled to say in between sobs. "I don't want you to wake up one morning and regret about this. This is you Baekhyun. I can't take you away from the people who helped you become who you are right now. I can't take you away from your fans just like this."
"Damnit Park Hae Won!" He hissed. "Will you please stop thinking about other people right now and concentrate on us?" He took a deep breath. "Fucking please."
I bit my lower lip so hard, trying my best not to give up on my weakened knees.
"I'm here and I'm practically begging you not to do this." He added.
We both held each other's gaze, our eyes both wet from crying. I didn't say anything. Afraid that I might just say what I truly wanted.
"So, is this how you want it to be? You want me to have everything but lose you? Is that it?" He asked after a few silence.
"Let's just stop." I said, in a perpetually tired voice. "At the end of the day, you're the Byun Baekhyun of Korea. We were living in a daydream. I'm just fooling myself hoping we could get a happy ending." I stated before I turned to walk back to his car.
"Don't decide for my life... or for what I want." I heard him loudly, instantly making me stop on my feet. "It's you that I fucking want Hae Won. I love you."
I closed my eyes, trying to muster every courage I have left to face him once more. I met his eyes and held his gaze until I finally had to voice to verbalize my thoughts.
"I don't love you."
He smirked.
"You expect me to believe that?"
"No." I replied. "I just need you to hear it."
He placed his hands on his waist, looking tired.
"C'mon, you can't do this to me again."
"I don't love you Baekhyun."
"Fuck! Stop lying Park Hae Won."
"If you want me to stop, then let's put an end to this once and for all."
His eyes pierced through mine.
"Don't make me suffer anymore. I want my old life back." I added and it took every once of energy and courage I have to say it.
I knew how my words would affect him.
I saw how his jaw clenched, as he bit his lower lip, his eyes continue to bore into mine. He took a couple of deep breaths, brushing his hair away from his face with his fingers before tilting his head down.
"Is this what you really want?" He finally asked when he looked up to meet my eyes.
His voice suddenly turned cold that it sent shivers down my spine.
I was surprised at how emotionless he suddenly sounded, I couldn't think of a response.
"Is this what you fucking want!?"
The coldness in his voice turned into rage, I flinched.
"Yes." I miraculously was able to reply.
The biggest lie. Ever.
He sighed, his shoulders went limp as he tilted his head down again. His right hand rested on his waist he lifted the other one on his face to wipe his tears.
My heart wanted to get out of my chest as I observed him. We remained silent for the next couple of minutes. He turned around and made a few steps away from me and stayed on the same spot before he started to walk back to his car without paying me a single glance.
"Let's go take you home." He said as he opened the door of the driver's seat.
I felt another tear escaped my eye as I forced myself to go back and get inside his car. He turned the engine on as soon I was able to sit next to him. I just sat there not knowing what to do with this given situation when I felt his hand in front of me as he reached for the seatbelt and wear it on me. His arm was brushed against mine and my hands formed into fist, stopping myself to hold him.
None of us talked, the whole time. My stupid tears just wouldn't stop, I kept my gaze outside the window steady. In fact, we were about to reach our shop at any moment and he never looked at me. He was very silent and I kept seeing his grip on the steering wheel tighten from time to time. I knew I don't have the right to feel this way after what I just did but he being this cold and indifferent was unbearable.
He stopped his car right across the flower shop.
I slowly unbuckled the seatbelt, hesitant to even move.
"Baek-" I muttered and I didn't really know what to say to him.
"Just go." He replied, his jaw clenching.
"I'm sorry..."
"Just leave." He replied briefly, his fixed eyes on the road.
I stared at him for a few moments knowing that it would be the last time I'd see him this way. I looked at his face forcing myself to memorize every detail.
I feel like everything inside of me was dying as I finally move to get out of the car. My heart was so heavy, I didn't want to go.
I didn't want to leave him.
The moment I closed the door, he didn't waste any time and drove away. I even heard the tires squeaking as he left. I turned to watch him leave. It was such a painful sight to behold.
Oh. God.
"I love you." I muttered. "I love you. I love you. I love you." I repeated over and over again as I bent my knees and covered my face with my hands.
"I love you Baekhyun."
The pain I felt right now was incomparable to all my previous hurts.
It was like all the heartbreak I experienced in my life combined all together.
No, it was even more than that.
I didn't care if someone saw me like this.
I had nothing to lose anymore.
I will never forget this day.
I will forever hate myself for this day.
I will never forget the day...
I pushed Byun Baekhyun away.
~♥~
AN: I know this might me the most painful chapter ever because it is the most painful to write. I'm sending you virtual hugs. ♥