Hey everyone!
First of I want to thank you all so much for all the reads, votes and comments on my story! You really don’t have any idea how much that means to me! I’m not feeling very well and it really makes my day when I know people enjoy my story. That is basically all I want =)
I’m still not feeling very well, but at least I’m feeling good enough to write! Well sort of…
I’m not fond of this chapter. I love Larry and Larry chapters but this chapter just didn’t go the way I wanted =( But I really had to write this chapter, because it’s an important one for the story. I could either change this chapter thousands of times or just post it. Since I really wanted to post for you guys I did just that.
I guess I’m just a little bit out of my story. I know what I want, but I don’t want to disappoint you guys! (With this chapter, but also in general with how the story develops).
Despite my rant on how I didn’t really like this chapter, I do hope you like it! I’m trying! And I just hope that people continue to read, vote and comment on my story!
I’ll stop, this is already too long xd
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“Touch me Hazza. I want to feel your love.”
He smiles and nods at me before he crawls on top of me.
This is so pure and perfect and so Hazza. He doesn't need to know what is going on. He just sees that I need him and he will touch me without asking me anything.
What if he did ask me just a simple ‘Why?’. I’m scared that if he did ask me that I would basically admit everything. I feel so fucking vulnerable right now, the words (probably along with massive tears) would just slip out of my mouth.
Thank goodness he doesn't ask me anything and just attaches his lips on my neck. He gives me soft and lingering kisses on my neck, making my body shudder from his soft and sweet touches. His touches make my body feel warm and loved.
With one hand he holds himself up so he won't suffocate me with his weight. Although right now, I probably won't mind to feel his heavy weight on top of me. It would make me feel safe and that is what I need. I need Hazza.
Sometimes I’m scared that I need Hazza too much, that I'm too attached to him. But right now I don’t even want to think about that. Because even it that is true, it wouldn't change anything. Hazza is the most important person in my life, he is the person that I love the most. When I need him, he is here for me. And right now I just really need him. I don’t want to feel upset about Zayn and how he treats me, because I have such a wonderful boy beside me right now. A boy that will do anything for me. A boy that I love.
One of Harry’s hands slowly travels down my body. He caresses my arms, chest, waist and lastly my hips with gentle but firm touches. His large hand moves along my body and I feel warmth and pleasure surrounding me.
I surrender to this lovely physical contact and try to forget about everything else that comes into my mind. He strokes my thighs with slow but long movements, making me yearn for more contact, more Hazza.
After a few minutes of pleasing my neck Harry moves down until his face is right above my belly. He kisses my belly and my body uncontrollably moves towards his kisses.
He licks my belly button and I can’t suppress a giggle.
“I love the way you respond to my touches.” Hazza says with so much admiration in his voice.
I softly trace my fingers down his back as he continues to touch my body. I hum in delight. This feels so amazing, so good. I feel loved, cherished and warm. So why is it that I feel so guilty?
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I fall down on the mattress. Completely overwhelmed, satisfied and exhausted. My heart is racing and I feel insanely sweaty with drops of sweat all over my body. Hazza is perfection.
Hazza lies down next to me. He moves his head towards my ear and whispers. “The broken sound you made when you came in my mouth was perfection.”
As he whispers those words in my ear, a broken sob escapes my mouth. My body feels heavenly, but my mind feels utterly guilty. Why do I feel so guilty lately? Well maybe that is because you are doing so many things wrong Tomlinson! My subconscious yells at me.
“Hey what is wrong?” He asks me, completely taken by surprise with my response, or better said my pathetic sob. “Was I that bad?” He asks half-jokingly, half-questionably.
I snort as more tears fall down on my cheeks. “No of course not.”
“Oh good, because that would really hurt my ego.” He says with a soft grin. With his thumbs he removes the tears from my cheeks. I cautiously look him in the eyes and am faced with the most love, adoration and worry in someone’s eyes I have ever seen. Hazza truly loves me. I can’t do this anymore. I can’t live with this guilt anymore. I wanted to avoid this conversation so badly. I didn't want to, but somehow I feel this is the only time that I can.
“You were is amazing, like always, it’s just… I feel…” I take a deep breath and for the first time in forever I don’t tell a lie. “Guilty.”
“Guilty?” He questions.
“Yeah.” I say in a whispered voice. The amazing feeling I just had is completely gone.
He sits up and shakes his head in confusion. “I don’t understand.”
I also sit up until my back is against the headboard. “What are we?”
Hazza raises his eyebrows. “What do you mean?”
“Just tell me.” I practically beg him.
“We are Hazza and Lou of course...”
I shake my head. He doesn't understand what I mean, what I want. I want clarification. I need to know what this is. What we are. “No, but what are we? Like…”
“You are acting strange again.” He admits with a frown on his face.
“I’m not.” I say in defense.
“Yeah you are.” He scrapes his throat. “I’ve noticed it for quite a while now, but I didn't want to push it. I thought you were stressed because of everything that is happening with your mother. Sometimes you are just distance, but most of the time you are you and happy so I didn't want to say anything.”
“There is nothing.” I say without any moment of hesitation. But of course there is something and Hazza knows it. Hazza knows something is up. I mean who else would cry after such an amazing moment?
“Is it Liam?”
“Liam?” I ask confused.
“Do you still like him?”
I’m completely taken by surprise. Does he think I’m into Liam? “What? Huh? No of course not!”
“Wait!” He says and with a horrified expression he looks into my eyes.
I feel my heart drop. He has figured it out. He knows what’s going on. Oh god please Hazza, just don’t. Just forget all of this. We can go back to how things were before! I don’t want to lose you, I just want you and only you. My mind is racing and my heart is beating fast.
“You kissed Niall!”
“WHAT?” I ask stunned.
“Yeah.” He nods, mostly to himself, like he just figured everything out. “Last time you sort of behaved like this you were spending more time with Liam and now you are spending more time with Niall.”
I was so freaking scared that he finally knew the truth. I felt so anxious and nervous, but this is what he thinks? I can’t help but to roll my eyes. “Seriously? Haz! I’m not some slut! I don’t just go around and kiss my friends!” I practically yell the last part. I know I haven’t been honest to Hazza lately and it’s tearing me apart, but I’m also slightly upset that he thinks I kissed Niall!
“Well what is it then?” He asks me with determination in his voice, but I can also detect fear in his eyes.
“I-i…” I stammer unsure. What can I say? I don’t even know what is going on right now. Just a few hours ago I had this huge fight with Zayn in which we basically broke up. I dragged him out of my house and told him I never wanted to see him again. I was so freaking angry at Zayn for treating me the way he did. Hazza would never treat me like Zayn did. He would never be ashamed of me.
So is this it? Is this the end between Zayn and me? I know that it would probably be for the best. But if I really didn't want anything to do with Zayn anymore, than why would I care? Why would I feel so guilty and be such a mess right now, when I have this perfect boy right next to me?
“Shit.” I mutter, mostly to myself.
“Why do you feel so guilty?” He asks and even without looking back I can feel his stare.
Oh god no Hazza, I can’t do this. I can’t lose you. Not over a guy that isn’t worth it. Because he isn’t. Right?
“I just want to know what we are. You just gave touched me Hazza and if I wasn't so emotional, selfish and fucked up I would have returned the favor.”
“Hey, you don’t ever have to do anything you don’t want to. Besides, you freaking out on me doesn't really make me want you to return the favor. Far from it actually.”
“I’m sorry.” I say and I break down. Hard this time. I’m crying with loud noises and I shake uncontrollably. I cry because of Zayn, because of the way that I treat Hazza. I cry because I’m so fucked up.
“Hey it’s okay.” He soothes me and he rubs my back.
You see! He even soothes me after I fucking burst down in tears! He shouldn't be this good to me. I don’t deserve him.
He keeps soothing me until I’m slightly calmed down.
“What are you sorry for?” He asks me.
“Everything!” I say between sniffs. “For always wanting you near me, wanting to feel your love, but not giving you anything in return, fo-“
“Stop.” Hazza demands. “That is such crap Lou. You know I love you so much that I would do anything for you! I do it because I love you with all my heart. And you give me plenty in return. Just seeing your smile, hearing you talk, being around you. Just you.”
I can only sob in response. His words freaking kill me. Hazza is the most amazing person ever and even though I know I don’t deserve him, I want him, I need him.
“But,” Hazza continues. “The way you are now, it hurts me. It hurts me to see you like this and I don’t know why and I don’t know how to help you.” He seems completely heart-broken about the fact that he can’t help me. He doesn’t know what’s going on because I’m too scared to tell him. But he needs to know that I love him so much and that I can’t live without him. “You help me Haz. More than you will ever know.” I try to assure him. “It’s just… I feel so confused lately.”
“Yeah me too.” He says with an exhausted sigh. Hazza has his hands in his hair, pulling at it with frustration and desperation.
For a few minutes it’s completely silence. The both of us keep our mouth shut, but I can practically see all the questions in Harry’s mind swarming through the room, along with all my emotions and thoughts. It’s already so busy and unclear in my head, I don’t know how I can make this better.
Hazza is the first to break the silence. “Why did you ask who we are? Why? You never cared about that… You never wanted us to be labeled, we were just us.”
“I know, but some people just don’t understand our relationship.”
“Well fuck them.” Hazza immediately says.
Dammit Hazza, you don't make it any easier. I don’t want to hear what I already know, I want to know how you see us. What we are for each other.
“But what if we, you know, get a relationship with someone else or something like that?” I try to stay calm, but from the inside I’m screaming.
Hazza looks at me with a very intense gaze. “Are you?” He asks.
I firmly shake my head. “No.” And technically I’m not lying. A few hours ago I did dramatically tell Zayn that it was over and that I didn't want to see him again. It might not be what I really want, but I know that it’s for the best. As long as I have Hazza, I know it will be okay.