For future reference, I will never find offense to someone relating me to a character they know unless the character is a pedo or rapist or something that extreme. I actually like being referred to like Logan because I feel like he's the smart, respected individual I aspire to be.
Trigger Warning: Mentions of Self Esteem Issues And Vivid Depressing Dream
STORYTIME!
Logan woke up with a gasp and an overwhelming sensation of dread coursing through his veins. The frighteningly frostbitten sweat rolled down his neck as the darkness of his bedroom overcame his eyes. Tears sting in his eyes, brain overloaded with melancholy and drastic thoughts. Once his eyes adjusted to the light, he had the sense to clap on his lights and reach for his glasses. He wiped his eyes and adjusted them into his face.
That projection of the unconscious mind, bringing his subconscious out infront of him... it felt too real. The sensations brought the entire dream into an experience. It was long, dragged out, and dreadful. Logan feared he would never wake up and that simulation was reality. Logan traced his weak fingers over his wrists and over his throat. He was parched, but the very last thing he could ever want right now was water. Yes, it was important to stay hydrated, however the temporary trauma from the nightmare prevented him from desiring Dihydrogen monoxide.
The dream was as follows: Logan was drowning underneath the water. The fish would assume that the water was oceanic, however no salt was in the water. Try as he might, Logan couldn't breathe and he couldn't swim up. The weights of his sorrows and insecurities wrapped around his wrists and held him down. This dream had occurred before, but never as tonight. The ones he love, his lovers' voices were mocking him, telling him that an emotionless robot like him could never be loved or wanted.
Logan stood up after a long moment of pondering. He wiped his eyes yet again, the water from his eyes making both his eyes and face raw. He shouldn't act like this. He needs to fix his himself appropriately before taking the responsibility of fetching himself s glass of refreshment. His whole body felt heavy and he didn't even notice the time. He sunk out of his room to go to the kitchen to grab him a glass of water.
Logan was surprised to see all of his boyfriends there. It wasn't light outside, much to his dismay. That meant it was Day and he was supposed to be awake far before now. He had duties. Lucky for Logan, he never rises up in the middle of the room. Always off to the side just in case of a mishap like this. Logan hid in the corner, hiding his face and sneaking along the cabinets to find a cup. There was plentiful conversation in the air. Logan thought he was going to make it out without being noticed, but Patton had other plans.
"...Logan? Are you okay?"
Logan jumped, cringing hard when he heard his name. He sucked in a sharp breath through his teeth and fumbled the cup in his hands to the ground, making a loud sequence of noises alerting all other boyfriends and forcing all conversations to a halt. Logan didn't turn round or bend down to get it. He just stood there, shoulders shaking to stay in the cringed position. A failure, just as he was in a relationship. Logan held his breath, hoping not to express depression in front of those who do not deserve to see it. Logan gasped when he felt something grab his wrist. It almost felt like the weight.
"Logan, breathe."
Logan looked over sharply to see Virgil, kindly looking at him. But his kind smile fell when he saw how red Logan's eyes were. Instantly, Logan found himself in an embrace by Logan. It was warm, welcoming, and the opposite of the burden on his lungs in the projection he saw at night. However, this position allowed for all three of the rest of his boyfriends to see the poor state of disrepair Logan was in. It was shameful to him.
"Logan! What... what happened?"
Patton trailed off, extremely worried and rushing over to see if there was anything he could help with. Roman instantly unseethed his sword, ready to cut someone up. Deceit calmly told Roman not to get to angry, seeing the look in his eyes and knowing exactly what the problem was.
Roman nodded in understanding, proceeding to join the others in smothering Logan other affection to help him return to his normal self. Patton hugged Logan from behind and Roman held his left hand, pressing comforting kisses to his knuckles and repeating comforting words to him. It definately did not feel like the weights. This felt better. This allowed Logan to breathe. Deceit, unlike the others, stood off to the side and thought.
"Logan, whatever happened or whatever insecurity you have, I promise that none of it is true. We love you."
"Roman's right, Logybear. We love you."
"And we wouldn't trade you for anything."
Logan stifled a breath, hitching and trying not to cry. He closed his eyes as each of the three core sides gave him a peck somehwere on his face. Virgil on the cheek, Patton on the nose, and Roman on his lips. Finally, Deceit walked up to him. Deceit: master of lies. Someone with such skill surely could see through any facade and find the truth or hidden meaning of any interaction. He stared at Logan moment before tilting his face downwards so he could place a warm, tender kiss on the center of his forehead. A Kiss to heal the mind and expel dark thoughts. His velvety dark octave of voice calmed Logan, helping him breathe steadily again.
"We're going to abandon you. We hate you for never being emotionally present with us. That's what you constantly think, right? And I thought I was the one living in constant deception. Logan, we will never leave you and we love you as you are. Nothing will ever change that. So stop tying yourself to weights and letting yourself sink. It's up to you to start swimming."
Everyone else was confused, but those words meant the world to Logan. Logan keeps his eyes closed, stopping the tears, and when he opened them he was on the couch. Patton was cuddled next to him like a kitten, curled at his side. Virgil was sitting on the floor because he hates sitting in anything remotely close to a chair when not forced to. He was leaning on Logan's legs to let him know he was there. Roman was on Logan's other side. He had his arm wrapped around him comfortingly and his head was leaning against his own. Lastly, Deceit handed him a much needed glass of water and sat down next to Patton, reaching his hand across to hold Logan's.
The ever-stoic Logan smiled, taking a drink of water and letting the tears slip out. It's safe to say that we can assume that there will be no more of Deep Sea Logan for a long, long time.
1130 Words
We as humans are often hard on ourselves. We are raised and conditioned in society that we must be better. We must be perfect or society does not want us. We must be perfect or else somebody will take our place. It takes a strong heart and mind to learn that this is NOT TRUE. Nobody has to be perfect. We all aren't perfect. And we need to lessen up on ourselves. We can love others, but where's the love for ourselves? Cut yourself some slack. You deserve it. <3
Internet hugs and blow kisses!
~Eva