Trigger Warning: Explicit Depression
STORYTIME!
Patton was only six when he met Roman. Roman as the new neighbor moving in next door. He always smiled and his family was the first to welcome him into the neighborhood. Roman was older than him, but Patton didnt know exactly how old. Even so, the two always played together. Roman one day called him Cheeky, because he always had that cheeky grin on his face. The nickname stuck and everyone he cared about started calling him Cheeky.
Patton was fourteen years old when Virgil moved into the block. He and Roman were always at odds, but Virgil preferred Patton to Roman. Virgil was Roman's age, both of them older than Patton. Even so, Patton didn't mind. One time when Virgil was calming down after a threatened panic attack, he remarked on how Patton was always smiling and loving like a dad, if he had one. So he started calling him Pops. Or any other name for Dad. It stuck, and he was now known as Dad.
Patton met Logan the following year. Logan was calm and collected, as well as reserved. Patton introduced himself to him and instantly became friends with him. Patton had Logan integrated into his friend group. He and Roman were at odds, but Virgil admired him. He was younger than the two, but still older than Patton. Patton was still the runt of the litter. Logan had asked about his nicknames and offered a new one: Sunflower. Many had recognized his as Sunflower.
Cheeky. Dad. Sunflower. All sorts of names that he responded to. But what did the names show? Well, they have shown that his friends knew him better than he knew himself. Patton would have never described himself as Cheeky. He finds himself away from trouble often and wouldn't dare to say he's bold. Patton would have never called himself Fatherly in any aspect. He isn't responsible nor does he deserve that sort of family. Patton would never call himself a Sunflower. Sunflowers are pretty, he isn't.
Patton sighed, watching out the window of his bedroom. He was feeling depressed again. He didn't want to be depressed, but he simply was. Patton has Depression. He just also happens to be a better actor than anyone else would have recognized. Patton took off his glasses, letting his hair fall over his eyes. The world became a blur of bright blue, green, and yellow. Or, that's what laid outside of his window. It's so beautiful. The colors are so beautiful. So why did he feel.... grey?
Patton noticed that his mom's cat had walked in through the door. Patton was allergic to cats, but he never told his moms when they adopted him. They're so nice and love their cats and he also didn't want to lose his home with two wonderful women. So he just secretly bought allergy medication and kept it in his room. He loves cats and doesn't care. It's a shame that what cures his depression, even momentarily, hurts him afterwards.
The old Calico: Cleffa jumped onto the windowsill next to Patton, the blur of orange, black, and white rubbing against him affectionately. Patton held his breath and stroked the cat. He fought back his watery eyes. The price he had to pay. Patton let the cat rub against his head. The cat began to purr, about to lay down. Oh no. Before that disaster happens Patton better take his allergy meds. Thinking more on it, he hadn't taken his depression meds either....
He doesn't need them. Patton got up, patting Cleffa's Head before placing his glasses back on and walking to the bathroom. After swallowing the two large pills with one of his mouthwash cups full of tap water that turns the freaking frogs gay, he walked back in the room. Cleffa has completely stolen his spot, hogging the entire windowsill. Patton shrugged it off, taking it a little bit too much to heart. However, before he could think too much on it he got a little ring of a notification from his phone. Oh, hello? Two more? He took it out of his pocket to see what was going on.
Logan: Just a Reminder that we, as a collective, have plans to go to Patton's house tonight for our weekend nighttime ritual?
Roman: Ugh, when you say it like that it sounds super creepy. Just say we're having a sleepover for crying out loud!
Virgil: Quiet you! It sounds cool! But yeah, it's Patton's turn to have a trashed house and make us breakfast. You ready to deal with all of our annoying nonsense, Dad?
He had almost forgotten about Saturday Night Sleepovers. The house wasn't clean and there was so much to do to prepare. He had to get snacks out and ready, choose movies, get out enough pillows and blankets for forts, warm his moms.... but he also felt so tired. He didn't feel like doing anything. He just wanted to cry, but everyone knows that boys aren't supposed to cry. Cleffa was asleep and the whole room was quiet. More like the whole room was in color and he was the loud grey static. Even so, it was his turn. He has to own up to his word.
Patton: Give me an hour or two and I should be ready.
Instant replies.
Logan: Don't overwork yourself, Sunflower. It isn't advised you stay optimal, however you're happiness and mental health is most important to us.
Roman: Oh, can we watch loads of Disney Movies tonight, Cheeky? You better pick out the classics! Lots of Cartoons!
Logan: It is not your choice. It's Patton's Choice.
Virgil: Can we stop spamming the group chat?! Jesus Christ! Remy's sleeping in our room and he's going to wake up and noogie the hell out of me if you don't shut up!
Virgil: Let's just meet up in maybe an hour at Patton's, agreeed?
It was settled. Patton only had an hour to do so much. So much to do, even though he is so tired. Patton set his phone down and scratched Cleffa behind the ears before walking downstairs. He had to go notify his Moms about his friends spending the night, didn't he? Patton walked down the stairs and went gay for their bedroom, since god forbid anything straight happens here. The door was open and it was empty. Maybe they're in the family room? No luck either. Patton went into the kitchen and found a note on the fridge. He took it off and read it.
Tonight was their date night. Patton had forgotten. They wouldn't be back until nine. Patton would just have to text them to let them know, but his phone was all the way upstairs... Patton brushed it off for now, taking out several plastic bowls and setting them on the counter. Patton knows that Virgil and Roman love yogurt covered pretzels and that Logan would be mad without any fruit or cheese platter made. Patton also knows that Roman and Logan both enjoy Chex Mox and everyone enjoys Cheezits. He should probably get those done first... even though he'd only eat the fruit and cheese platter out of all of that. Maybe nothing. Patton doesn't feel too hungry.
After making everything and setting it out, he only had thirty five minutes left. Patton trudged back up the stairs, going for his phone and some DVDs. Roman had requested cartoon Disney movies, but he should add in some that Logan and Virgil would want. What he wanted? Well, he really wanted to watch Mary Poppins Returns or E.T but nobody else really would so it didn't really matter... Patton selected the movies, two for each person in mind, and grabbed his phone before going downstairs. Cleffa woke up when he accidentally tripped on his way getting out and began to follow him.
After everything was nice and set up, he still had nine minutes before everyone would arrive. Patton couldn't smile, even though he had accomplished everything he needed to do. Why have pride after completing a mundane chore? What's the use? Patton looked out the kitchen window over the sink. The sun was setting right there, facing west. It was beautiful, but Patton still couldn't smile. He took off his glasses and looked at the blurring warm colors of sunset. Still no smile.
The heaviness and emptiness made him feel different than the rest of the colored world around him. His depression hurt. He looked down at the blur of orange, black, and white that had rubbed up against his leg to try and get affection. Patton bent down and stroked the cat a few times, careful not to brush her shedding fur upwards towards his face. He definitely needs to wash his hands and face just in case. Maybe try to bring the red down. He walked to the kitchen to do just that, leaving his glasses next to the sink.
After splashing himself with water, he looked up though the window again and let out another sorrowful breath. He flinched when he heard a loud knock on the door. Considering that he didn't use the doorbell, it was Roman. Roman forced a smile onto his face, even though it hurts after a while, and put his glasses back on. He had to get in character, so he skipped to the door and opened it, happily greeting Roman.
"Roman! I'm so happy you're here! Please, come in!"
Patton is just a grey pawn in a colored world, trying to apply crayons over him to make him appear like everyone else. And it hurt. It hurt so bad. It hurt so much. He just wants the pain of being grey to go away.
But it can't.
1620 Words
Depression medications aren't a depression curer. Depression medications are meant to level your head out and balance your hormones. Only you can be in charge of if you're happy or not. Depression and mental disorders are an extreme weight to bear and make it a hell of a ride to try and get there, but I know you can. You can be happy. You deserve to be happy. As long as you give the extra push and find the things in life that are worthwhile, then everything is going to be okay. I promise.
Internet hugs and blow kisses!
~Eva