"They tried to spit roast me!"
"We didn't try anything!" Thalia yelled.
"I demand that they are tried and punished for war crimes and prisoner maltreatment."
Athena, with all the strength she had, managed to keep a straight face as Loki continued to rant from where he had been tied to a tree.
The horns of his helmet had been superheated and cooled after being twisted in to a rather intricate bow that Percy knew had to have been the joint efforts of Hephaestus, Athena and Aphrodite cabins.
He was tempted to ask if they had removed the helmet before they had twisted the metal into a Christmas bow but he didn't want to encourage them or antagonize Athena by interrupting her Q and A session.
While she was being professional and diplomatic, Percy, however, was significantly less so as he had immediately burst into loud and extremely indiscret snickers at the trickster god's predicament.
Clarrisse and Thalia had dragged Loki, quite literally through the sky with Percy's chariot that he had driven a grand total of five times.
When they touched down, it took a minute to drag Loki out of the tree where he had made a very valiant effort to escape from the back of the chariot that was not at all assisted by Thalia kicking him in a place they should more heavily armor.
That was about ten minutes ago and both Thalia, Clarrisse and Artemis had taken a back seat, sharpening their various pointy objects and discussing their latest kills.
It provided excellent background noise.
"Why did you launch an attack against Manhatten?" Athena asked, snapping her fingers and conjuring a chair. "Where did you muster the forces from? Who is supporting you?"
Loki stopped ranting and sent a venomous glare at Thalia who stared to laugh at his pitiful efforts as she switched the whetstone from her spearhead to her hunting knives.
"Answer or I'll have my lieutenant use her electric spear on you." Percy said, finally deciding to contribute.
"I gathered my army from the far reaches of the nine worlds, dragging demons into the light so that they wreak havoc amongst mortals and conquer this world in my name!"
Everyone stared for a moment before Percy started to slow clap. "Bravo. That was almost as dramatic as my uncle. Kudos for that."
Thunder rumbled angrily.
Percy laughed. "But seriously, someone else is obviously pulling the strings. So fess up. Who?"
"I refuse to bend to the whims of a pathetic mortal!"
"For someone so intent on conquoring us, you seem to not like being around very much. Can't take the stress?" Percy jibbed.
Loki's eyes widened with anger. "Insolent Shabbaroon!"
Percy stared. "What that Hades does that mean!? Did you just call me a babboon!? Athena! Did he just call me a babboon!"
"Shabbaroon. Not babboon. It means ill dressed person or mean spirited." Athena explained.
Percy was even more offended now. "Do you know how long I worked on this outfit. Three whole seconds! I had to walk to the closet and everything! How dare you!"
Thalia and Clarrisse were laughing now at his indignation.
"I've had these jeans since I was in high school! And I worked hard to get this hoodie! Do you know how hard it is to swim fifty meters in 20 seconds without cling people in to the fact you aren't human? Really freaking hard!"
"What is he doing?" Artemis asked Clarrisse.
"An old tactic he used with Annabeth. He acts completely off his rocker and minorly violent so the person getting interrogated will hopefully turn to the other and give up the info with hopes of being saved. Good cop, psycho cop."
"I am the best psycho cop." Thalia said, twirling her knives so fast they blurred.
Artemis suppressed a small grin. "He has gained a lot of control over the past few decades. It's rather impressive. It took me over a millennia before I could release my power in the presence of my hunters."
Thalia nodded, watching Percy continue his rant as he began to glow. Although she knew he would not release his godly form while she and Clarrisse were there it still made her nervous.
"He cares for demigods. It's that simple." Clarrisse started, leaving no room for discussion. "He pretty much changed the world when he retrieved the Lightning bolt from Ares. He's been making life better ever since."
"I wonder what he will do when everyone he knew in his mortal life is gone. I know most of all that even if you grant your followers immortality, not even the gods last forever. Each of the current guardians will one day be in hades but he cannot follow."
"It's why he said no so many times." Thalia whispered, sheatheing her knives. "He would rather die and remain a spirit for eternity with his friends and family then to fade away when he is forgotten."
"I suppose that is one advantage mortals have over us gods." Artemis conceded.
"We also have much better music," Thalia said. "I walk a lonely road-"
Clarrisse shoved her over. "Just like fire, burning up the way!"
"The only one that I have ever known!"
"I can light the world up for just one day!"
The music battle promptly became an actual battle just as Loki started talking as Percy complained about his shoe brands no longer being available and shoving his "last pair" in Loki's face, which should honestly be considered biowarfare.
Artemis smiled. This was why she preferred mortals.
-------------------
Okay. So a lot of people have been asking me about Capture the God and I wrote a bit and put it in the comments section but no one seemed to find it so here it is.
------------------
Percy stayed still, hidden in a tree as his ears strained to hear his pursuers.
A team of three jogged past and Percy barely restrained a sigh as they completely neglected to glance up.
The crackle of electricity and startled screams made him smirk as Clarisse grew closer.
He had changed his form to that of a ten-year-old, one who had been chased into the forest by a "scary lady" as his guardians were forced to search for him, trying to save the 'demigod's" life before he was 'eaten/electrocuted"
Clarrise had assured him she wouldn't actually electrocute the young God but Percy wasn't so keen to trust her on that front.
Katie and Travis suddenly blurred into existence right below him, holding hands.
Percy nearly groaned. JUST POP THE QUESTION ALREADY!
They looked suddenly to the left as Clarisse emerged from the bushes wearing camo paint and a child's lizard helmet.
"He said if I was the monster I could zap people." She hefted her spear. "6 plus two is eight, right?"
"Katie and Travis drew swords but Clarisse was faster.
After the lovebirds were down she looked up to see Percy facepalming.
"This was your idea, Prissy. I'm just here for the carnage."
"Looks like the Guardians need a lot more training before we can do our jobs."
"Don't worry about it. Remember when you first came to camp?"
"I remember you giving me a swirly and then me half drowning you "
The shock was almost as bad as Thalia's, so Percy was mildly impressed with the magic spear. "Ow, that hurt." He said in a deadpan before materializing a conch horn and blowing hard and long.
When his guardians, all 15, had gathered he smiled. "The monster killed me. Let's go again. It's only the first time we practiced this though, so don't get discouraged. Thalia will be coming tomorrow to give tips and pointers so come on. The winner gets to pick where we get dinner from tonight."
With boosted spirits, the guardians, "monster" included, vanished into the trees and Percy smiled. "No more dead demigods, Annabeth. I promise"