Katie:
"Thank you so much to every single one of you for coming out tonight to watch me perform,i'm very lucky to be able to sing for such an amazing crowd like you." said Harry into the microphone and the crowd screamed,radiating goosebumps all over my body.
"It has always been the biggest dream of mine to come back here to the forum and perform,and i couldn't have done it without every single one of you." He added as everyone cheered and applaud,so did i.
This past few weeks has been such a huge rollercoaster that we barely talked to each other,it's almost like as if we knew absolutely nothing about each other.We were so timid to just sit down and communicate because we were so terrified of messing things up but we knew sooner or later we'd have to settle things,whether we liked it or not.
Harry had then made eye contact with me and he bit his bottom lip nervously,turning around and nodding his head at the rest of the band.
what is going on?
"So uh,tonight my wonderful band and i are going to try something new for you all.It was a very last minute decision but it's something i wanted to do.I will be singing a song that actually means a lot to me,so please feel free to sing along if you know the words." Mentioned Harry and i looked at Lou with a confused and nervous expression.
what the fuck is he going to sing? He never told me about adding a new song to the playlist.
The fans were all going crazy,screaming louder and louder each time he spoke because they were all filled with adrenaline.The whole stadium went pitched black and then i heard the drums and the moment i heard the bass line of the song..i froze.
Miss you by The Rolling Stones.
Harry swayed his body side to side,following the beat of the song perfectly.He had his eyes shut and he was really living his dream up on stage.It was almost like as if everything was problem free.
I've been holding out so long
I've been sleeping all alone
Lord I miss you
I've been hanging on the phone
I've been sleeping all alone
I want to kiss you.
He was in his own world right now,moving his body to the beat of the drums,prancing around the stage with his sparkly detailed blazer.I couldn't keep my eyes off him,he looked hallucinatory on stage.He was truly meant to be doing this.
I won't miss you child
I guess I'm lying to myself
It's just you and no one else.
The moment he sang those lyrics,all the memories came rushing back to me.It was during this part was when Harry and I shared our first kiss,i remember how it all went.It was passionate yet so gentle and loving,we were both so happy and care free.He took me to see my favourite band live in flesh,it was just one of the best and surreal day ever.I could bawl my eyes out right now,but hearing him sing this song and seeing him live his dream at this very moment,i felt proud.
When i heard him talking to himself in the dressing room earlier,i couldn't help but noticed that he said "You're going to go out there,with or without her."
He really wanted me to be here today..
[At the hotel]
"Well uhm-i'm going to talk to him once he gets back from the meeting in Jeff's room."i said to Anne, whom was currently on the phone with me.
It was currently 2 in the morning right now and i was alone in the hotel room,waiting for Harry to get back.I told Anne that Harry has been looking really unhealthy and even the fans has been getting worried for him.
"Hope it all goes well love,if anything please feel free to text or call me yea ?" said Anne and i smiled,i don't deserve this woman. "Of course,will do. Thanks Anne,i'll update you."we both then said our goodbye's and hung up the call.
I heard the faint sound of keys dangling from the outside of the hotel room and then came in Harry,sharing eye contact with me for a split second and then closing the door.
"Hey..." i greeted him softly with a small smile.
"Hey." He said as walked towards me,sitting down on the bed and placing his phone on the bedside table.
"You did really well tonight,i'm surprised you added Miss You to the setlist." he chuckled softly,looking down at our feet. "Yeah,it was really last minute.I told myself i would only agree to add it to the setlist if you came back on tour." He mentioned and i looked at him with a smile.
"What happens if i didn't come back?" I asked him and he gulped, "It would have never made it to the setlist." he answered and i chuckled lightly,making him smile.
Oh how i've missed making this man smile..
"I uh,stayed with your mother and Gemma." I mentioned and his face dropped,he looked devastated and guilty.
I didn't know why i felt bad for him,i shouldn't.He was the one who decided to send me back home for two weeks,he was the one who said he wasn't ready to have a baby.
"Oh..uhm h-how was it?" he asked with a cracked voice,not making any eye contact with me at all.
"It went well , it felt so nice to just be with them and escape from all the craziness." I replied honestly and he nodded his head.
Please talk to me
"Harry..please talk to me.You don't look like yourself anymore,what has been going on?" I asked him,gently placing my hand on his lower back.And the moment i touched him,he immediately broke down,i pulled his body into my arms as he continued to cry harder.My heart broke watching the one i love shatter completely in front of me.
"I've been going to therapy,ever since you l-left,i constantly felt agitated and my anger problems were getting worse.Turns out,my therapist said that i was diagnosed with severe anxiety,mild depression & separation issues."my face dropped when i listened to him.
I didn't know what to feel,hearing him say that.. and i wasn't there with him those past two weeks to help him.
"Harry-" i whispered.
"You have every right to hate me now but i just want to say,all the words that i said to you before you left.. i didn't mean it.I admitted to myself that i am a coward and i will admit it to you right now.I am not like your father,and i will prove it to you.P-please just give me some time,i am afraid and i'm trying my best to help myself Kat,i really am.I am taking medication and i am slowly eating bigger amounts." He said to me and i just looked at him,not knowing how to feel at all.
"It was never my intension to send you back home,i was just terrified of everything.I've been calling my mom to ask how were you every day when you were in London and i was a fucking mess Kat,you have no idea.I felt like an idiot for not being there at your first doctor's appointment,i'm the f-father of our child.I should've been there Kat.i'm so sorry." explained Harry and my eyes started to form with tears.
i didn't know he called Anne everyday for two weeks to ask about me.Was that why Anne was talking about giving people second chances? And also what does he mean by first doctor's appointment?
I placed both of my hands on his cheeks and turned his head to face me,he looked broken..but then again we both were.
"Harry..listen to me, okay?" i looked into his eyes and he nodded his head.
"You are the strongest person i know,you really are. There are millions of people out there that are constantly trying to bring you down but here you are,still standing tall.If you are ever struggling,please reach out to me as well.I can't promise you that i can help you or heal you but i can promise you that i will be walking with you through it all.My doctor's appointment is in two weeks time so if you want..you can come with me to my doctor's appointment,it's not till four weeks but we can call up a doctor once we're home to do an ultrasound." I said to him and he nodded,blinking away his tears.
I used my thumb to wipe away his tears and he kissed my palm,making the butterflies in my tummy go feral. "I'll book an appointment in London." He whispered and i gave him a small smile,nodding my head.
I got up and walked towards the opposite side of the bed,hopping in and placing the silk blanket over my body as i lay down.I couldn't help but noticed that Harry was still sitting in the same position,looking like he had too many thoughts in his head.I didn't want to disturb him because he was really going through a lot and me giving him advice right now would just make him cry,and he has had enough of
that for today.
"Harry?" I called and he turned his body around to face me, "I ordered room service for you,it'll be on it's way up.Try to eat bigger portions and drink at least one cup of water okay?"he nodded his head before turning his body around,facing the wall.
He still looked so stress,his brows were furrowed and i didn't know what was going through his mind but all i did was crawl towards him from behind and i hugged him.I placed a gentle delicate kiss on the back of his shoulder,slowly caressing the sides of his stomach and torso,making his breathing enter into a more calm state.The room was completely silent,the only sounds that were present in this room were the sounds of our light breathing.
I miss him
i miss him a lot.