WELCOME TO DEATH ROW !
( CHAPTER FORTY FOUR : I'LL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS. )
❝ JUST AS TIME KNEW TO MOVE ON SINCE THE BEGINNING. AND THE SEASONS KNOW EXACTLY WHEN TO CHANGE JUST AS KINDNESS KNOWS NO CHANGE. KNOW THROUGH ALL YOUR JOY AND PAIN, THAT I'LL BE LOVING YOU ALWAYS. ❞
EXCERPT : STEVIE WONDER , AS.
Wednesday, February 14th, 1996 • Beverly Hills, California
THE DAY OF EXPRESSING your love and gratitude to your significant other was here and only if Larenz was with me to celebrate it. Our hectic schedules refrained us from being together and it killed me in the inside as well as outside. But besides not having him by my side on the supposed joyous occasion, I was happy.
Pac's highly anticipated album, All Eyez on Me had released the day prior and had already been receiving so much praise. That was to be expected because he worked so hard on this project, especially since he was in the studio day in and day out. He was the true definition of a hard worker. He worked as if he had something to lose.
"Just because your man isn't here, doesn't mean I won't celebrate the holiday. I've been planning this get together for awhile now and sent invitations in advance so canceling it isn't an option. Besides, I don't have a man but you don't see me sad. Now help me finish setting up everything before the guests get here." Jewell sat the fruit platter on the table, along with plastic bowls and utensils.
I sighed before making my way into the kitchen to grab the bag of chips and the batch of heart shaped cookies, laying them on the table.
The doorbell rung and I watched as she went to open it up and there came Pac along with Amara who was cuddled up in his arms. My heart warmed at the sight as I wasted no time making my way over to them.
"Aw, this'll be such a cute photo. Lemme go get my camera." Jewell scurried into her bedroom before quickly making her way back into the living room. I rolled my eyes at her playfully as I watched her hold it up a mere inch away from us.
Pac wrapped his free arm around my shoulder as I leaned further into his chest, my eyes traveling towards Amara who flashed the brightest smile as the Polaroid went off. She began to take more and more photos before more guests came piling inside.
It became a huge love nest. Even Snoop came along with Shante-it was safe to say that they were back on good terms. I felt lonesome but Pac was there by himself as well.
"I see you over here by yourself. How about I keep you company so people don't think we're lonely?" Pac joked as he sat down in the seat next to me. Amara was in the other room, fast asleep.
"You don't have to do that. You have your homies here and everything, it's okay to hang with them." I pointed over towards the Outlawz who came through. "I'm with those niggas all the time. I don't mind chilling with you." He leaned forward, poking the side of my face gently.
I smiled at his gesture, our eyes connecting before I looked down at the ground, clearing my throat awkwardly. He rested his hands in between his lap before resting his back against the seat comfortably.
"So, um, have you been searching for a real women yet?" I chuckled lightly, sparking a conversation. "Nah, I haven't. I don't feel the need to look, whenever God feels like bringing me the right one, I'll know. But she could be right in front of me the whole time." His voice deepened as he burned his eyes in the side of my face.
Heat was arising all over my body and I didn't know how to handle it. I was losing my train of thought but who wouldn't? It felt like he had me backed up in a corner when in reality, he was just sitting next to me.
"Can we talk in private?" He questioned, lowering his tone. The music was blasting and everyone were too busy mingling to pay any attention to us.
"Um, I think it's best if we stay out here. I don't want to make another mistake. It's already a struggle getting Larenz to keep what trust he has left for me-"
"We can just go check on Amara. Could we do that at least?" He stood up and extended his hand out to me. I hesitantly grabbed a hold of his hand before trailing behind him towards the back room where our daughter was sleeping peacefully.
We quietly made our way into the room, being careful not to wake her up. "She's so beautiful. We did a great job." I cooed, running my thumb across her button nose.
"I love you, Mika." He stated, catching me off guard by his randomness. "I love you too, Pac." I smiled slightly, rubbing the side of my arm nervously. "I love you, love you. Like I know that we . . . shit, it's hard for me to explain myself." He stammered his words, getting frustrated.
"You've never had a hard time speaking before so speak. Tell me, I'm all ears." I responded, curious as to where he was going. "I've been holding it in for a long time and I know me telling you this won't do anything but cause confusion that you don't need in your life right now or any other time." He sighed to himself, burying both hands into his face.
I kept my eyes on him before removing his hands away from his own. "Pac, you won't know how I'll feel unless you tell me." I placed my hand on the side of his face, our eyes connecting once more.
I was quite shocked to see a single tear escape down his face. "Oh my . . . you're crying. What is it, Pac?" I frowned slightly, my heart rate increasing.
"What I'm trying to tell you . . . I mean, I feel . . . Fuck. What I'm trying to tell you is that-"
"Mika, come out here there's a surprise awaiting for you." Jewell opened up the door, a wide smile appearing on her face. "Wait, Pac and I are talking." I waved her off before Pac shook his head.
"Don't worry about it, let's go see what she's talking about." I was hesitant but I walked outside along with them. Once we made it down the hallway and entered the living room, there he was.
Larenz stood in the middle of the living room with a bouquet of white roses. The sweet aroma hit me right in my face, putting me in a daze. I couldn't believe he was standing there but I was so excited nonetheless.
"Baby!" I quickly and unexpectedly jumped into his arms, causing the flowers to fall onto the floor. He wrapped both of his arms around my waist securely as we planted our lips against each other deeply.
Everyone surrounding us were watching everything unfold but as far as I was concerned, we were the only ones in the room. "I missed you so, so much baby." I cried out, holding onto him tightly as if he could disappear at any given moment.
"Not as much as I missed you. You still look beautiful as ever, if not more." He responded, planting yet another kiss on my lips. Once I got down from his hold, it didn't stop me from embracing him, still not wanting to let him go.
"Girl, he isn't going anywhere. Let the man go!" Jewell yelled, causing everyone to erupt into a fit of laughter at her jokes. "Shut up, girl. I can be happy to see my man if I want to. He's been overseas for too damn long. Do you want some food, baby?" I looked over at him as I motioned over towards the catering at the table.
"No, but there is something that I do want." He whispered into my ear, making me bat my eyelashes innocently. "Baby, are you serious-"
"Not that, Mika. Something else. Just take a seat." He ordered me. I was confused but I sat down anyway. "May I get everyone's attention?" Larenz called out, getting exactly what he asked for. The music and talking came to a complete halt, and it was nothing but silence.
"Excuse me for interrupting the joyous occasion but I felt like this was the perfect opportunity to do what I set out to do." Everyone whispered amongst each other. I furrowed my eyebrows as I watched him.
"A lot of you may know about Mika and I's relationship. Our union is far from perfect but that's what I appreciate the most about it. It's not perfect but it's genuine. We had some rocky times but if it wasn't for those times, I wouldn't be standing here today. Those times taught me a lot. I don't know much about love but I do know one thing, I have a lot of it for Mika. I have a lot to give her, and if the world is what she would want, she would get just that. These words that come out of my mouth isn't all of the things that I feel for our love, but it'll do for now," He got down on one knee, reaching over for my left hand effortlessly.
My heart felt like it was going to fall out of my chest. I could barely breathe because I felt like this was all a dream. "Baby, baby, I know you're not doing what I think you're doing." I clutched onto my chest tightly, watching him grab a black box from his pocket.
Once he opened it up, my eyes were blessed by the oval halo trapezoid diamond engagement ring that glistened profusely. Oohs and aahs could be heard from everyone in the room. My mouth went agape before I found myself instantly nodding my head.
"Yes, yes, yes. I'll marry you, I'll marry you." Tears streamed down my cheeks as I watched him slid the ring on my finger. I was shocked, but in a good way. Our lips came into contact once more, a feeling of pure happiness coming over me.
It was like a scene from a movie, the guests were cheering for the happy news, giving both of us kind words and congratulating us. "You're really getting hitched, I'm so happy for you." Shante smiled before she gave Snoop the side eye, hoping to give him a clue.
"Shit, we just got back together, we still got some things to work on before we make that step." He responded slyly, causing her to kiss her teeth. We continued to mingle amongst the guests until it dawned on me that Pac was nowhere to be found.
My eyes scanned the entirety of the room but I still couldn't find him. "Um, Yak, have you seen Pac?" I questioned his cousin who was seated on the couch along with his girlfriend. "I think he said he was going to step out to get some fresh air." He answered, turning his attention back to his girl.
"Babe, I'll be back. You enjoy the rest of the party." I kissed Larenz once more before we parted ways. After stepping outside, I glanced over towards the bench and noticed Pac sitting down, smoking a blunt.
"What are you doing out here? You're supposed to be in the house celebrating my engagement with me. Can you believe it? I'm getting married. That doesn't even sound believable. Aren't you happy for me?" I couldn't contain the excitement in my voice.
"Yeah, of course. You know all I want for you is to happy. I can tell by the look on your face that you're happy. That's what I like to see." He forced a smile upon his lips. I could tell something was on his mind, it was clear as day.
"Wait a minute. You're acting off. Ever since we were in the bedroom earlier you weren't being yourself. I don't know what it is but you know you can talk to me about anything, Pac. I'm always here if you need me, you know that-"
"You know I don't like being treated like a charity case. I appreciate you for trying to be my saving grace but I'm a man, I can handle whatever life throws at me." He sounded cold and it hurt me to the core.
"Well, I'll take your word for it . . . for now. But you know if there are any issue-"
"Mika, go enjoy yourself. Don't worry about me, I'm cool." I could hear the agitation in his tone so I took that as my cue to walk back into the house. He was acting really strange but since he had no intentions of telling me what was going on, I put it in the back of my mind.
"There's my baby. Want some cake?" Larenz questioned as he stepped over to me with a plate of vanilla cake. He pushed the fork towards my mouth, making me turn my face. The icing was now all over my cheek, most definitely ruining what makeup I had on my face.
"I'm sorry, baby. Let me get that for you." He leaned forward and drug his tongue across the side of my face, making the icing disappear. "Ooh, ya nasties!" Jewell smirked, clearly enjoying herself.
"Yeah, we'll just see how nasty he is at our honeymoon." I smiled as I put some of the cake in my mouth. "Oh, that's a challenge I see. Just because I'm celibate, doesn't mean I forgot how to be spontaneous in the bedroom." He snuck an arm around my waist, pulling me in closer to him.
He had me at a loss for words but I wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. "Yeah, okay, fiancé." I emphasized, earning a smile from him.
"Uh, Mika, I'm about to head out." Pac caught my attention as I looked down at Amara who was in her stroller. "Want me to help you out?" I asked, sensing he was still a little on the edge.
"Nah, that's cool." He stated. "What's up, Tupac?" Larenz greeted in a formal manner, into which Pac shook his hand and gave him a simple head nod. "See you later, Mika." Yak and the rest of the Outlawz embraced me in a hug before making their way out.
"I'm gonna stay here and help J clean up all of this trash. You can go to my house and wait for me if you'd like." I glanced around the messy house. "That's alright, I'll help. I don't have anything better to do. Plus, I want to make up for all of time I've been away from you." He placed both of hands on the side of my face, blessing me with yet another set of kisses.
"Okay, love birds. It's enough of all of that, help me clean this place up." I chuckled before giving her a hug. "You know, I'm going to find you someone. Fine as you are, you can have any man you want-"
"Uh, uh, you know I don't want to be tied down to no man." She quickly shook her head, turning down my idea. I rolled my eyes at her before the three of us took our time to clean up everything.