Before you begin to read, I want you, the reader, to be aware that this book is written in the third person and that it involves using the gender neutral pronouns "they/them." I've done my best to differentiate between addressing Blue by those pronouns versus addressing a group of individuals. I wanted to write a book that showcased these pronouns being put into use to help inspire writers to put in the effort for non binary individuals who use these pronouns, as well as inspire readers who may not read a lot of books (if any) with the protagonist being addressed with gender neutral pronouns.
That being said, I hope you enjoy When The Nights Get Long.
Part 1:
Digging Through The Ashes
Blue was screwed.
There was no other possible angle Blue could use to escape their predicament. A D+ wasn't by any means a good grade, but the little plus sign right in front of it proved that they did better than expected. They scored on the higher side of one of the worst grades to get. Surely that was something to be proud of, but that didn't excuse themself for almost failing a third test for that class alone. Then again, the rest of their grades in all their other classes weren't any better.
Blue was a good a student, or at least they used to be. It wasn't as though they had control over their mind and where their thoughts took them. It was difficult to focus on one thing for too long after the disappearance of someone who was held near and dear to their heart. They were not one to cry in front of other people, yet they cried every night for weeks after he left them, and he still hadn't left their mind.
Wandering thoughts were no excuse for such a horrible grade. It was nothing more than proof that something was wrong with their studying habits and that they would need to get more help to raise their grades back up. The path to becoming an Academic Scholar was slipping through their fingers, something they promised their brother they would become. They couldn't let him down.
But grades were only important to Blue because of their brother. If it were up to them, they wouldn't have cared that much about it. Luke told them religiously how good grades were going to set them on the right track for a good career, just not the one they wanted. Good grades were not going to help them become a musician.
Guitar, bass, and drums were their forte, but Blue also knew how to play the cello and the piano, their personal favorite. After their future touring days of glory were over, they intended to co-own their very own music practice to help teach young musicians on how to get a start in the music business and further pursue their young dreams. Of course, that meant Blue would need to go to college to get a business degree, so it was important to keep their grades up.
How is Luke going to react to such shitty grades? Blue wondered as they walked home. Was he going to request they stop playing music for a while to focus on the curriculum properly? Music was the only reason they were able to score a D instead of an F like they expected. Playing music freed their mind from everything that haunted them in the classroom and the bedroom as they fell asleep alone, allowing new doors to open and information to plant itself inside their mind. They couldn't stop now.
There was nothing Blue could do nor say to sugar coat the D+ they received. It was in their best interest to face the music and tell Luke the truth. And after standing on their apartment's WELCOME mat for three minutes, they rolled their shoulders back and unlocked the door, calling out, "I'm home," as they barged inside.
The moment they stepped foot into the living room, Blue sighed, slumping their shoulders as they watched Andrew Parker hover over their brother, who merely smiled at their appearance in the doorway. "Welcome home, Blue. How was school?" he questioned nonchalantly.
Blue had known Andrew for a majority of their life. He was Luke's best friend. Through all the trials the siblings were forced to face in their short lives, Andrew lingered in the shadows, ready to hold Luke in his arms and make him feel comforted and loved while Luke made Blue feel the same way.
The two attended the same high school, as well as shared almost every class together throughout all four years. Andrew was the reason Luke was able to find a job so easily after he graduated, allowing him to instantly begin working and taking care of Blue and himself. Without even realizing it, Andrew had become a sort of backbone to the family.
Only Blue, however, noticed his angle. Oblivious to Luke, Andrew was in love with him. For ten years he was in love with Luke, but all he ever did was interpret the flirting as a bromance he wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Their little rendezvous of flirtatious actions were perceived as nothing more than "guys being guys." Both Blue and Andrew couldn't help but glare at Luke the first time he said that.
Since it was never any of their business, Blue tended to turn the other cheek and ignore Andrew's pleading eyes, begging for a little help to serenade him. It was up to Andrew to push his feelings onto their oblivious brother, leading to their personal relationship with him to be nonexistent. It didn't matter if they had known him for ten years, the only things they knew about him were little trivia facts everyone knew.
What made it worse to watch was the fact that Luke had been dating a woman for the past four years. Andrew grew quite depressed after hearing the news, something only Blue was able to pick up on, but even four years later, the two were still the best of friends. Blue assumed it was due to their everlasting "bromance."
Extending the failing report card to their brother, Blue grumbled out a meek, "Fine."
Crawling out from underneath Andrew, Luke flopped onto the floor and grabbed the card. His instant frown caused their stomach to turn. They couldn't look at him. There would be nothing but disappointment written on his face, an excruciating taunt. He was disappointed in them, something they never wanted him to be in regards to them.
"Blue, what happened?" he softly questioned. Before they could answer, he cut them off. "Is it all the gigs you've been having this month? Is it getting in the way of studying?" he insisted, almost as though he was praying for it to be true, forcing them to admit something that was nothing but a lie.
"In the past month, have you seen me do anything except study while I'm home?" they countered, pointing their gaze directly at him.
Luke sighed and shook his head. "I just don't understand."
"Forget it," they grumbled as they snatched the report card from his hands and quickly made their way to their bedroom.
Through the thin apartment walls, Blue could hear Andrew and Luke talking. Though it was difficult to decipher most of the words, they knew the conversation revolved around them and how to raise their grades.
It was difficult to live with only their brother at times. He took on the roles of both a mother and father after their parents died eight years ago. Rather than heading off to college, he chose to stick around and raise Blue so their family wouldn't be separated. Having Luke around made things easier for Blue in a lot of ways, and Andrew was right there to make things even easier for Luke.
At least with it only being the two of them, Blue would be always be accepted by their family for who they were. At a young age, Blue began to wonder why they never felt like a girl. It was always an internal battle, knowing that they were not a girl but couldn't see themself as a boy either. There was something about being nothing that liberated them, that made them feel as though the box they were locked inside finally unlocked. Opening the door led to them to finally feeling the contentment they never believed they could ever feel. It was liberating.
Luke was quite accepting of them, though it was all due to Andrew. On a day when he needed to borrow the family computer, he noticed a link that wasn't exited after Blue had finished using it for a school project. He read the article about being agender and confronted Blue about it. As afraid as they were about how he would react, he quickly showed his support and promised to stay quiet until they were ready to tell Luke. He was a secret ally, one they needed desperately. Because of him, they were able to come out to Luke and their best friends all in the same weekend. And when Andrew discovered that gender neutral people sometimes went by they and them, Blue quickly took on the new identity, feeling more like themself than they ever had.
It was Andrew's acceptance that made his constant visits a bit more bearable. It was also part of the reason why they chose to keep quiet about his one-sided love affair with Luke and stay out of his business in regards to it. As long as he never took things too far as to harass Luke or make him uncomfortable in any way, they intended to stay out of the "bromance."
When the takeout for dinner was delivered, Luke called out for Blue to come out for dinner. With their tail between their legs, Blue shuffled over to the table and sat down in their usual seat, unable to take their eyes off the floor. There was no telling what kind of disappointment would be written on Luke's face, and they didn't want to see it. They were already disappointed in themself enough for the both of them, and they didn't want for him to bring them down even more.
Dinner was quiet. No one wanted to say a word about the report card, but Luke knew something had to be said. He knew all about Blue's hopes and ambitions for owning their own school, so he couldn't let their dreams fall flat due to a few bad grades.
"So...Andrew and I were talking," Luke began. When Blue looked up at the two, they saw nothing but kind smiles. While it slightly eased the nerves, it wasn't much, "and he has agreed to tutor you."
"Tutor me?"
"I happened to graduate top of my class at Northwestern. I see no reason why I shouldn't be able to teach you as well," Andrew stated. His whole demeanor seemed to shift as he addressed them. His back was suddenly taller. His gaze was unwavering, same with the smirk he saved for Luke on his face. The idea of being locked alone with that did not sit well in their stomach.
"I don't know. Aren't you busy enough as is?"
"I always have time to help however I can," he responded, taking a sip from the wine glass next to his plate. "What do you think? Be honest."
Heaving a sigh, they shrugged their shoulders. "If you don't have a problem with it, then why not?"
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