Every day, I aimgine a future where I can be with you...
STORYTIME!
Every day, Patton feels as though he isn't enough for them. In his hand, is a flower he twirls endlessly by the stem. It's a baby blue rose that one of his lovers gave to him a long time ago. Since it's a flower from the Imagination, it never wilts unless Patton wants it to. Patton was sitting in the living room, staring at the flower and zoning out. Did he deserve all the others? Logan, the cunning and logical man. Roman, the creative and flirtatious prince. Virgil, the anxious yet sweeter-than-pie angsty boy. They all show him love and affection in their own ways, but Patton feels like he doesn't deserve it.
"Hey Patty Cake, this spot taken?"
Patton is thrown out of his own head when he sees Virgil walking into the room and flopping down on the couch. He had some sort of soda in his hand and he had his hoodie zipped up today. It technically was Winter in Florida, and Virgil took any excuse to wear snuggly clothing he could. Patton had the rose teleported back to his room in the vase where he kept all the flowers his boyfriends, most likely Roman, have gifted him over the years they've been together. Virgil leaned back and let himself slouch. Patton was sitting up with perfect posture and with his shoulders up instead of back. Virgil wrapped an arm around his wasit and pulled him close. It was obvious he was feeling insecure, wasn't it?
"Hey. Don't worry about whatever you're worrying about. That's my job, isn't it?"
Virgil let out a laugh, so Patton followed suit. Virgil made the best jokes out of the rest of the sides. He was learning and he was getting better about... well... his anxiety. He's needed more than ever now and accepted more than ever now. Virgil must be the happiest he's ever been, huh? Why would Patton want to ruin that and put a damper on his mood? Patton let Virgil take his hand and hold it tight, entwining their fingers together and having Patton snuggle up to him for once. Virgil must be in a very protective mood. Who knows why. Patton felt himself closing his eyes, however he was stopped before he could fall asleep by none other than-
"How dare you! Snuggles without me!? I'm quiet offended! You could have at least gotten Logan and I from our rooms and said we were doing a Snuggles party! I want Patton."
Roman pouted, walking in and instantly becoming melodramatic. Patton opened his eyes, not bothering to sit up, and he giggled. He put on that giggle that he knew all three of them fell in love with. Virgil laughed along with him, yet neither of them said a word. They were caught red handed and pleaded guilty. Roman sat down on the couch next to Patton. Roman glared at Virgil playfully as he yanked Patton away from Virgil and guided Patton so his heard was resting on Roman's chest and that his arms were wrapped around his waist. He protectively held his arm over Patton's side. Virgil rolled his eyes and snickered.
"You really think you can just steal Patton like that? Fine, whatever. See if I care. I can always get up and get Logan if you both don't want to spend time with me. Beauty of a Polyamourus relationship."
Virgil stood up, more smug than normal, and began to walk away. Roman was very bothered by this because he carefully got up and ran after him. This was just one of their quarrels, this always happens. Patton sat up from then lating down position he was in on the couch and just watched the doorway where they hurried off to, practically playing a game of tag like children. Patton had the ghost of a smile on his lips. He really wanted to have snuggle time with Roman, Virgil, and Logan. Logan would have came in eventually and joined them. But it's okay if they don't want to have snuggles with Patton. He felt as though this was the universe telling him that he doesn't deserve their time an energy. Patton turned his head back around and sighed, unknowingly hugging himself. He desperately wanted a hug. He was so into his own low self-esteem that he didn't notice Logan walking into the room, the last side he has yet to interact with in their relationship.
"Patton...? Is.... is everything alright?"
Logan never did know how to help him with his emotions. Patton turned his head and stared at Logan. He must have looked pretty pitiful for the logical side to decide that he should enter the battlefield without getting any reinforcements. Maybe some psychology could help Logan this time, because Patton has no idea why he feels this way. He's just sad and has been beating himself up for No reason at all. Logan walked around and sat next to Patton on the couch, hodling out his arm behind him so he would come closer if he wants to yet without pressuring him to do so at the same time. Patton snuggled up next to Logan. He felt his cheek get cold, but only in a small thread of a line. Was Patton crying? Who knew.
"Why am I sad? Logan, you know things. Can you please tell me why I feel insignificant and like I'm weighing everyone down and that I don't deserve any of you at all? Can you Doctor me and make me not sad?"
Patton was desperate at this point. He hated this feeling. He wanted it to go away. He was just continuously sad and he hated it. He wasn't enough for them. He probably shouldn't have mentioned anything to Logan. Logan stared at him a moment whilst thinking to himself. Logan took a sharp inhale and placed his hand on the side of Patton's face, using his thumb to stroke him affectionately. His movement should were rigid and his hands were cold, but it was obvious he was trying. Patton felt more at marks go down his cheeks as he used his hands to keep Logan's in place. He didn't want him to let go. He never wanted him to let go. He wanted to be fixed. He wanted to be Happy Pappy Patton, the fun fatherly figment figure everyone knows and loves. He wanted to feel needed and like he did deserve them, but he just doesn't.
"Doctor you, correct? I'm afraid you are suffering from Neglect and Low Self-Esteem. I prescribe you with quality time with your loved ones, hugs, kisses, affection, and wearing that cat onesie you love whenever you want."
Logan chocked up on that N word. Neglect. Logan leaned forward and pressed a quick kiss on Patton's Nose. He just have felt the need to demonstrate. Patton snuggled closer to him, not wanting to let go. That's when Virgil and Roman are back into the room. Both were messy and laughing. Virgil froze when he saw Patton, crying into Logan's shirt and tie. Theninstsnt fear and realization hit him hard, ditto for Roman. The two other sides in the foursome relationship hurried to the couch where they can shower the most innocent of their quartet with the love and affection that he deserves.
"Patton, is everything alright? I'm so sorry. I'll fix whatever you need me to fix just please don't cry. You're too special to all of us, please don't cry. I love you, Patton. We all love you. Please stop crying... it hurts..."
"Patton? Who hurt you?! I shall cut down all your troubles and worries so you don't have to face them! Please don't cry, love, we're here for you. We all love you very much so please do not cry. We are and always will be right here with you."
"Patton, I'm no good with feelings however I can tell you that we are all here for you and we all love you. I apologize on behalf of the trio of us for making you feel neglected. I personally will make sure you never feel that way again.
Patton felt all three of them around him, on the couch, doing their best to show him the love he needs. Patton still feels like he doesn't deserve this, but at the same time he never wants this to end. He never wants to let go of his boyfriends. He wants to be with them forever and ever to the ends of time and space. They are the most precious things in the world to him and to not have their attention..... it hurts. It stings his heart so much. Patton hates that he needs all this attention and constant supervision to be happy. He hates it, but he needs it. He's just an attention whore like that, but people love him anyways. Logan, Roman, And Virgil love him for just the way he is. Patton smiled, face still buried in Logan's pressed black shirt and serious necktie. He's loved.
That's just Patton's Reality.
1506 Words
I cried writing this. It's early in the morning and I had nightmares and I feel really sad for no reason so I wrote this to try and get those emotions out.
IT'S👏O👏KAY👏TO👏FEEL👏SAD👏 We all get sad soemtimes and that's just us expressing ourselves and trying to get the negative ions out of our brains. You can't feel better if you don't let yourself cry because you don't use up the sad hormones in your brain making you sad in the first place. Yes, there's science behind it. You need to let yourself feel this way or it's only going to make you feel worse. Let yourself cry. Let yourself be sad. It's okay. People will still love you no matter what. Internet hugs and blow kisses!
~Eva