'Can you help me with my necklace please?'
Aqsa asked Youssef who was finishing up with his watch.
'You look beautiful darling.' He said playing with her wavy hair lowering his head to kiss her delicate neck. She had just come back from the hospital and he had just come back from training and had been eating blueberries ever since.
'Will you be able to eat anything? You've been eating fruits ever since and drinking a lot of fluids!'
Aqsa asked concerned as she put on her black abaya and her nude colored chiffon hijab.
'Oh don't you worry about me, i have enough space in here darling.'
She smiled at him. Oh How gorgeous did he look in his thobe she thought. His golden curls growing back. She couldn't settle with what she loved more, when he had a cut or when he let his hair grow.
'Well, if you'll be looking at me like that, we sure won't be leaving anytime soon.'
'Oh please Youssef, don't flatter yourself.' She pushed him playfully and made way out of their room as he stayed back laughing.
Throughout their ride they kept talking about places, work, world problems- the hunger and war and what was bad was that the world was turning a blind eye on the sufferings of the Ummah. Youssef was already part of two relief groups at the masjid, MashAllah.
'Maybe you should actively participate Aqsa.'
Well she always gave charity in this but she wasn't an active volunteer and all. She usually tried to do the short-term things.
'I don't know if I can manage honestly with everything.'
'Ofcourse you can my love. Prioritize. It's very beneficial. It's beyond just giving your money.'
'In sha Allah. You are really making me feel bad Youssef.'
'Why?' He asked surprised.
'I just feel like I'm not doing enough in deen and you are always steps ahead.'
'That's not true at all. Remember where I saw you first!' And she blushed when she remembered her meeting with Youssef when he revealed that he met her at the charity function ,he squeezed her hand gently his other hand on the steering wheel.
'You are just trying to make me feel better.' She complained.
' You are just being hard on yourself and it is our duty as spouses to help each other, you do so much more than me in other things too, I want to sit right next to you in Jannah, that's why'
'In sha Allah we will habibi.'
Aqsa replied as they took the corner.
'By the way, Saffiyya texted me sending me this poster from Instagram about Imam Omar Suleiman coming and I really want to go. I really enjoy his talks mashAllah. Can I go with them?'
Youssef looked at her with a straight face as he parked the car.
'What? Really Youssef it's dawah, I don't want to miss this, please?'
'No, I'm offended you didn't ask me to come along. Even I want to benefit.'
Aqsa pulled his arm towards her and kissed her husband softly and he smiled at her way of winning the exchange.
'Well technically it's separate so...' She placed her index on his beard playfully.
'Still..'
'Then we are going.'
They dropped down and walked to the door.
'Papa. Asalaam alaikum warahmatullah wabarakatu.' Youssef greeted his father hugging him.
'Waaleykum salaam warahmatullah wabarakatu. Welcome mon fils'
'Asalaam alaikum Papa.' Aqsa greeted after the men were done and her father in law warmly continued the conversation as they walked in.
In a minute they were joined with Maryam and Umm Youssef after hugs and kisses they now sat talking. Youssef in a deep conversation with his father, in french. Aqsa couldn't get anything apart from the Oui.
She on the other hand was balancing entertaining Maryam and sharing with her mother in law.
'There's a talk this weekend in sha Allah if you want to join Maman.' Aqsa told her mother in law.
'Tell me about it sweetheart.'
And she told her about it. Apparently she knew the speaker not by name but she's seen videos of him and she liked his lectures.
Immediately Umm Youssef told her husband about him and Youssef just looked at Aqsa, hoping she'd see how quick his mother always included her husband. Raising a brow at her , she rolled her eyes at him dramatically and he laughed. She had seen how beautiful their relationship was and she really wanted it for herself too, in sha Allah one day.
They walked to the dining table where the food was set.
'Aqsa after dinner, can you help me choose what I should wear at Elsa and Rada's birthdays? This weekend?'
'Ofcourse habibty I will.' She said with a smile.
'Oh see Youssef I finally have someone who understands me. Who needs you now!'
She had always craved sisterhood , well her mother wasn't that old, she was quite young if you'd ask Aqsa but oh well, Maryam was just 13 so...
'Oh I know exactly where I come in the picture. And please don't steal my wife from me with this sisterhood of yours.'
'Just a matter of time brother, just a matter of time.' She stuck her tongue at him as she made a funny face.
'Darling please choose the worst outfits for her.'
'Ohhh you wouldn't dare.' She narrowed her eyes at him.
Their parents were just watching their exchange laughing. They had always raised their children to be fond of each other. After dinner, Youssef, helped Aqsa and his mother with the dishes then Aqsa and Maryam went to choose clothes and pray as he and his father made their way to the masjid.
After an amazing evening at Youssef's parents house , Aqsa and Youssef went back to their home. In bed, Aqsa started the conversation as she snuggled into Youssef's embrace. Almost immediately he brushed her hair and circled her petite frame.
'Your parents have a very great relationship Mashallah. Everytime we go I'm just in awe. Must have been great growing up seeing all of that.'
'Alhamdulillah, well it's not perfect and they've gone through a lot before I was born. But Alhamdulillah they are the happiest now.'
'Really?' She looked up to look into his eyes.
'Yes princesse. Maybe there wouldn't be a Youssef rightnow but Alhamdulillah.'
'Well tell me about it.'
He smiled looking at her glowing eyes. Her small pointed nose, her rosy lips and blushy cheeks all so close to him. Oh how beautiful was his wife. How bad did he want to have babies with her.
'They started their relationship on the wrong foot, dated for a while and then my father proposed. And they married, not even a year into their marriage, they felt caged and miserable everyone looked for pleasure on their own ways. My father in drinking and perhaps, women. ( well definitely, he knew it, he just didn't want to make it certain to her) . He neglected her completely. She was miserable too. She'd just go out with her friends, sometimes leave town without telling him not that he'd miss her or anything. He didn't care. He'd get drunk and almost hit her. She battled suicide, wanted to leave but had no place to go. Her friends got into relationships, her family was away. She was just a young lady of color with nothing but her drunkard husband.'
Youssef swallowed painfully when he thought of what his mother had endured. The lump on his throat torturing him. He never wanted to reflect om what his parents had done. What his father had done to his mother. It hurt him, it cut sharply through his heart. Aqsa felt the pain her husband was going through so he tightened her hug and massaged his scalp kissing his tempels softly.
'So one day she actually took pills ready to take her life but she survived and Alhamdulillah she did, having to imagine my mother have the punishment of suicide in yaumul Qiyamah is dreadful. Then it hit him. He was going to lose her if he didn't change. So he'd go to the bar and just sit battling if he should take that drink or not. Alhamdulillah one day he met an elderly woman while he was drunk at the park crying at how miserable he was and how miserable he was making Mom , and she told him that he was wasting his life. He had a whole life ahead of him and he was wasting it for what? What was he gaining from any of the things that he was doing! Drinking? He woke up with headaches, it made him abusive, short-tempered, lazy, inefficient, distant. Her son came and he saw how well-mannered the young man was towards his elderly mother. SubhanAllah, he started visiting the old woman and her family until they helped him get guided, Alhamdulillah he embraced islam. When my mother saw how much he had changed, she wanted it too. She saw how peaceful, guided, calm and patient he had become and Alhamdulillah she learned Islam and embraced it too. Since then, everything has changed.'
They were both in tears now. Youssef at how painful the story was for him to tell, and Aqsa at how Allah could change someone's story. At the lesson of when Allah chooses you. Her in laws had gone through a lot, she had no idea and now they were perfect in her eyes. They raised two amazing human beings despite the pain. They raised an amazing practicing Man. Her husband. Two Reverts, SubhanAllah.
'You? Has your mother always been hard on you?'
She swallowed painfully.
Realizing, she and Youssef didn't know each other much and were now sharing everything.
'She isn't my mother!'
Youssef looked at her, shocked.
'My mother was Aunt Yasmin's sister. She died when I was 13. Baba then took us, me and Sayeed to live with him and Umm Zayn. Sometimes she's loving and kind and sometimes she's just so hard on me. She treated me differently for so long but it really got worse when all the marriage proposals started coming and when I said yes to you.'
Youssef well aware that Umm Zayn wasn't his biggest fan looked at his wife and protectively hugged her.
'Darling I love you so much. My heart is full of love for you.' He wanted to give her all the love he could give but was life really that easy?
Was he not capable of hurting her? He didn't want to hurt her. EVER. But was that possible? Could they always be in good terms.
Marriage had tests and they required Sabr and they wouldn't know how hard it was to observe Sabr, to see hardships and believe that it comes with eases. That was the promise of Allah, but it wasn't easy. Sabr required firm faith in Allah.
So she told him the details of how she'd discriminate her. But she also told him, how Sayeed was to her. She told him pretty much everything. Aqsa loved Sayeed with everything and that's one thing Youssef knew very well. Only that he never knew that Sayeed had to be her father and mother sometimes.
And he kissed her again. Her hands, her cheeks, her face, nose, forehead. Her lips. Assuring her that he was here to love her in this dunya and in the hereafter in sha Allah. Death wasn't the end. It was a beginning to forever. Jannah. Jannah was the destination. The ultimate goal.
And for people who didn't want kids they were really working hard on making them.
'Habibi, I'm going now. See you at the masjid after Jumaah Salah.'
She stood on his side of the bed.
It was friday morning and Youssef had training in the afternoon, Aqsa was headed to the hospital.
'Won't I get a goodbye kiss?' Youssef pulled her back to bed and pinned her with his large torso.
His warm body comforting her in the cold room despite having her abaya on.
'Youssef I'll be late.'
Truth is, she really wanted to sleep, she was sleepy and his embrace was making it hard for her to leave. She didn't go back to sleep after fajr, he had and she wished she had that luxury. They had slept a little late yesterday because of the dinner at Youssef's parents and their conversations, it was past midnight when they finally slept.
'You are such a bad influence. I hope I don't kill someone today by cutting the wrong organ.'
Youssef laughed.
'Oh no you won't. Because you won't even go.' Youssef said with a mischievous smirk.
'Let's go training with me today.'
'I'll die from all the running you do.' She pushed him off of her and before he could regain his composure she kissed the back of his neck and run out.
'I love you baby.' He shouted and she smiled as she ran and shouted back.
'I love you so much darling.'
And it melted his heart to hear that from his wife.
*******
' I think we should park in this area, the parking at the hall seems pretty full.' Aqsa suggested.
'I think so too.' Youssef parked his car at the building next to the hall they were attending.
'I'll just call Saffiyya and ask her where they are.' Aqsa said a little bit unsettled wondering if they'd see each other with all the people around.
'It would have been easier if we had just drove with them.'
'Well, I wasn't ready so?'
Youssef raised his brow at her slight attitude. He had suggested they go fetch the twins but Aqsa said she was running late and driving to her parents would only make it worse. They'd just meet there. They'd take an uber or something.
'Okay fine... yeah okay. I'll see you there.'
She cut the call.
'They are inside already. They met maman too.'
Refering to Umm Youssef since they called her that sometimes. She had decided to call her that too, the whole Umm Youssef phase was over now. She was family. She was her mother.
'Oh send her my love. I hope I sit next to Papa.'
'Well you should, don't leave him for your gang.'
Youssef had his friends whom he was pretty tight with. "His companions" in his words, he'd definitely end up with them today if no warning was given.
'Ohhh look at you being all mommy on me.' Youssef said with a mischievous smile.
'Oh stop it.' She gave him a killer look.
After the talk which had turned out to be very beneficial Alhamdulillah. She made her way to where the car was parking. It had taken 4 hours they even prayed Asr there. Ruqqaya and Saffiyya had gone to buy some refreshments and she just walked to where their car was hoping to find Youssef there. But unfortunately he wasn't here yet.
So she stood waiting for him hoping he won't take long she was so tired.
'Aqsa! Salaam.'
She turned to see Abdul-Aziz. Had he followed her?
'Aziz, what are you doing here?' She asked uncomfortable remembering how he had grabbed her and all the drama he had caused and although she had forgiven him when he apologized she couldn't forget it.
'Same reason as you. The Dawah.'
He folded his arms on his chest.
'Oh okay.'
'Long time no see. Your husband must be hiding you so well.' He said with a wide smile his eyes lingering on her small pretty face.
She was quiet.
'Oh we aren't going to talk like normal people dear cousin? .'
'Well I'm sorry, I don't feel comfortable talking to you.'
'Really Aqsa? I thought you forgave me and everything was in the past now?' He gave a slight laugh showing he was surprised.
'Aqsa!'
They hadn't seen him coming. Both of them, but here he was. His eyes icy and she could tell he was clenching his teeth.
'Asalaam alaikum.' Aziz said with a smile and then left them. Not waiting to get a reply from Youssef.
'Who was that? Where is Saffiyya and Ruqqaya why are you not with them.' He asked evidently mad.
'They went to get us some drinks.' She said softly.
'Who was that?' He repeated.
'Abdul-Aziz. My cousin. What is wrong with you? Why do you sound like you are mad.'
And yes, he was. He was very mad. He saw how he looked at her. How he laughed. Had she made him laugh? He was very angry and he had never thought he'd be those husbands who were possessive but he actually was. He so was.
'Aqsa!' The twins came holding bottles of fresh apple juice and coconut water for Youssef interrupting their tense exchange.
'Salaam.'
Youssef said with a tight smile as he walked to the driver's seat ready to drive
'Waaleykum salaam.' They said together.
Three minutes into driving and the silence was killing them, the twins started to talk.
'I'm really hungry, I think I'll eat for four people.' Ruqqaya joked.
'Remind me to sit away from you.'
'Aqsa, did you decide where we are going?' Saffiyya asked. They had agreed to go for dinner and she was going to tell Youssef but apparently they didn't talk much.
Youssef looked at her his eyes still in flames. He hadn't said a word since they got in the car. He was really acting unreasonable in Aqsa's opinion.
'I'm craving Mexican. Youssef can decide where he'll drive us to.' He looked at her with murderous eyes and she gave him a naughty smile not buying this whole furious Youssef act, he had no reason to be mad. He was mad and she knew it and now she was just pushing his buttons. Luckily the twins were sitting at the back and they didn't see the exchange.
'Okay' Saffiyya replied.
He thought of a good Mexican restaurant and drove them there. When they got to the restaurant, he barely said a word. Aqsa was pretty engaged in conversations with her little sisters. He was completely stranded with his anger unaddressed.
'Which team do you support Youssef?' Ruqqaya asked him noticing that he was bored.
And they kept talking about football. He came to know that Ruqqaya actually loved football so much. Saffiyya liked football somehow. Aqsa not at all. She was totally clueless.
After dinner, they dropped the twins then drove back home completely silent the whole way.
'You know, I think you are over reacting.' Aqsa said as they entered their apartment, Youssef starting to make his way towards their bedroom.
'Oh really?' And she saw all the anger, unmasked on his face.
'Yes. What do you want, that I shouldn't talk to any man I know? I shouldn't greet my acquaintances?'
'I saw how he looked at you and how he was laughing at what you said, which makes me very curious. What jokes were you cracking with this Abdul-Aziz.'
'You are imagining things. Aziz is the last person you should worry about. I would have killed him myself months ago.'
'That didn't seem to be the case today.' He folded his arms infront of his chest.
'You know what Youssef, it seems like you really want to argue rightnow and I am not in the mood for it. I told you he is my cousin. He just found me waiting for you and started a conversation. Now I don't get why you are mad, but please fix yourself.'
She said walking to their room.
'My goodness!' She said as she disappeared and he went after her, holding her by her arms and pinning her on the corridor wall.
' I don't want you to talk to men who don't respect that you are married. That, you are somebody's wife. My wife. He wasn't lowering his gaze. His eyes were all over you. And it was killing me.' He said the last part in a very low voice. She was surprised to see this side of him.
Youssef had seemed so cool. Never had she thought he was this possessive. His deep green eyes looking right into her brown ones. She swallowed. Her throat was dry, dry because of how he was looking at her. His jealousy, anger and possessiveness was now replaced with desire ,love and protectiveness and she could see how delicate he was.
'You are my husband and I only have eyes for you. Only you.' She whispered.
She kissed him.
'He had proposed to me but it was very ugly. It went South. He had harassed me and grabbed me.'
She said not looking at him knowing he deserved the whole truth.
'Okay NOW I REALLY WANT TO BREAK HIS FACE.' He hissed.
'No breaking faces, we forgave each other and we are just back to being family.'
'I don't want him near you.'
'Excuse me? Youssef I can take care of myself and you can't control me.'
'Am I controlling you? It is my obligation to protect you regardless , whether you think you are capable or not, it doesn't matter . I must take care of you. You are My wife.'
She didn't want to give Youssef that much power, to control what she could and what she couldn't do. She could run her own life like how she had done so far. So she wasn't going to let him. But was that practical? It was Youssef's duty to protect her and she knew that very well. Her husband had some rights over her and so did she.
'I'm going to go to bed.' She walked to the bathroom to freshen up and get dressed for bed.
Youssef pulled her towards him and enveloped her in his big arms and kissed her forehead goodnight. She had been quiet all this time.
'I love you darling.' And she didn't say it back.
******
'Babe, Sayeed is trying to reach you.' Youssef walked into their bedroom with Aqsa sleeping, it was almost 11am and he was just coming back from the gym. He had a match mid-week. It was Sunday and Aqsa usually slept all morning. Her day off.
He took off his sweaty tshirt and pants and walked to the bathroom for a shower. Even, after the shower when he entered their room she was still sleeping with the heavy covers all over her in their cold room.
'Darling.' He said as he gently caressed her.
'Youssef!' She cried softly.
'Yes my love now wake up.'
'What is it? It's Sunday.'
He didn't mind her sleeping in. Most days she left him in bed and the only day she got to rest was Sunday and he didn't like disturbing her, but today he had to.
'Your brother has been trying to reach you.'
'Sayeed? Why?' She said sleepishly.
'I don't know, he just told me and I quote, "tell your sleepy wife to pick up my calls and she better not make any excuses. I will personally cut her hair off."
Youssef read from his phone.
She gasped, 'I completely forgot about it.'
'Now now my love please return the guys' calls. I love your hair, it can't go.' Kissing her neck and sniffing her silky long brown wavy hair.
'You are getting me wet!' She pushed him off her.
'Huh?' He asked shocked.
'Your hair is dripping you fool.' She threw a pillow at him. He laughed and she reached out for her phone to call back Sayeed. Ready to hear his drama.
'Asalaam aleykum Habibi. What are these threats you are sending me.'
'Waaleykum salaam hayaty. Oh I fully intend on doing them. What are you doing sleeping till this hour, I thought marriage will change you!' He joked.
But maybe honestly he thought she'd be up by now.
'Its my day off. I'm just resting.'
'Poor Youssef.' He pretended to act sadly.
'Oh please. Sayeed, I completely forgot.'
'Well I don't know but I want you here with your family. Today. Everyone is here.'
'But I haven't told Youssef, what if he has other plans?'
'He is standing right next to you sweety, why don't you get it over with. Plus, Nasrah makes me change my mind all the time, you can't be such a horrible wife, you must have your wicked ways of handling the man.'
'Sayeeed!!!!' She shouted.
'1 hour.' He ended the call with a laugh. And although he was laughing he was quite serious.
She turned to look at Youssef who was looking at her drying his hair with a towel.
'What's up?'
'Sayeed wanted us all to go to the beach house today and I completely forgot about it. All my siblings are there already. Can we go?'
'Hmmmm....'
'Youssef, Sayeed will kill me can we just go?' She said standing up from bed following him and hugging him from behind.
'Please?'
'Fine, I'll just cancel my plans.'
'Yes!' She hugged him tighter then ran off to the bathroom. She just didn't want to disappoint Sayeed but she wouldn't go if she had a choice.
After getting ready, Youssef drove them to where the family was. Aqsa was in her long white summer dress and her midnight blue chiffon hijab.
'Here she comes!' Fatma announced.
'Finally!' Sayeed added.
'Well I didn't want to get killed.'
They greeted everyone then Aqsa made her way to where Youssef was standing with Sayeed. Somehow, she just loved being in her husband's presence. Sayeed had always been the one person that she had completely but now, she had Youssef, who was her person. She wanted to be with him whenever she could.
Youssef smiled when he saw her. He took her hand in his and smiled at her pretty face.
'Youssef, you have blinded this girl, she doesn't even notice me these days.'
Youssef laughed and she blushed sending a death glare at Sayeed.
'Easy Aqsa.'
'Well, now you know what I went through when you married Nasrah, you were all that I had.' She rolled her eyes.
'So, you are just using me for revenge!' Youssef narrowed his eyes at her.
And she smiled pulling him closer to her adoringly.
They were interrupted with a male voice. One that she didn't like. It was Asiyah's husband (Mansoor). She never liked his character and she'd beg herself to stop but he always did something to irritate her.
Wonder how Asiyah managed to live with him, but then again it was Asiyah. They weren't a bad fit.
'Well aren't you done with the honeymoon now, because we have things to do!'
It was taking everything in her not to talk back. She had to control herself. She had to be better. She had to be more patient with people and their characters.
'So what's the activity now?'
They had the whole day planned out from grilling meat to making shish kebabs, playing volleyball (the guys) , Baking, watch a movie outside as they watched the waves as the sun sets. The plan seemed pretty interesting and fun to do.
So when the guys were outside preparing the meat and they were inside baking some cookies, frying some chips, making some guacamole and salad. Aqsa's phone beeped indicating there was a text message.
She walked to check her phone on the counter but Asiyah had already peeped and it annoyed Aqsa but she just kept quiet.
She smiled as she saw it was from Youssef. A selfie with all the smoke around him.
'Will i get a kiss after all this smoke? Because How do you plan on paying me for this spontaneous day?'
Her cheeks heated. Youssef was such a texter and he was always teasing her about such stuff.
Too hot! She texted back with a wink, trying to play along. She couldn't match his texting game.
'All yours' He replied with a wink and her cheeks heated, coloring not noticing everyone in the kitchen was looking at her.
'Still in the honeymoon phase. Enjoy it while it lasts sis!' Asiyah said and Aqsa didn't like the tone that she used.
'Oh don't scare her. Come on Asiyah!' Fatma chipped in.
'I'm just being honest. Can't get their hands off each other, which is annoying.' She rolled her eyes.
'And Gosh what do you see in the guy, he's not even one of us!' She said almost a whisper but Aqsa heard very well.
She was just as racist as her mother. Annoying just like her husband. Calm Aqsa, she told herself.
And she doubted herself, was she wrong for being openly affectionate with her husband? Youssef liked it, he wanted it. He wasn't ashamed of claiming her. Was it prohibited? No it wasnt. Then why should Asiyah's opinion matter.
'Not my fault your husband hardly looks at you, and boy can you blame him?' Aqsa fired back.
'What the.....' Asiyah cursed jumping towards Aqsa. Wanting to start a fight.
'Come on guys. You are sisters!!!! And Asiyah you started it, so just let it go.' Nasrah bellowed.
'We came here to have fun, so please, make peace and enjoy.'
Aqsa stood next to Nasrah and truth be told often times she felt like Nasrah was her sister, she acted like it too. But Asiyah was just problematic.
Her insults didn't make her love Youssef less. She loved his naturally tan skin tone, his green eyes. She loved every inch of her husband and that wasn't going to change just because of Asiyah.
Later they joined the guys outside to enjoy the meat and bring the food out for them to eat and immediately Youssef caught the change in Aqsa's mood and so did Sayeed. He actually saw how mad Asiyah was too.
Youssef pulled his wife aside with him and so did Sayeed. Fatma, Asiyah, Sarah (Zayn's wife) were all sitting with Zayn and their husbands.
Sayeed asked his wife directly.
'What happened between my sisters? Are they fighting?'
Nasrah was irritated. Why did such things have to happen? Couldn't they just all love each other as siblings do but all this drama wasn't good at all.
She didn't like worrying Sayeed. He'd want to fix it. He'd want to put whoever was wrong in their place.
'Habibi, Let's just enjoy. We solved it.'
'So they fought?'
'Just a little exchange and it's over, so please let it go.' She looked into her husband's eyes as she squeezed his hands.
'Hmmm. I don't get why they fight a lot.' Sayeed said. Nasrah agreed too.
'She's happy!' Nasrah looked at the direction of Youssef and Aqsa and Sayeed joined her, nodding.
'Alhamdulillah. May Allah protect them from the evil eye.'
'Ameen' Nasrah replied.
*
'Just mood swings habibi. It's nothing.'
She said not wanting to tell him the rude things Asiyah said about him.
'I don't want to see my wife frowning.' He kissed her temple.
'You won't.' She smiled.
And she thought. Family was home. Family was not perfect. Hers definitely wasn't. It's where she felt loved but equally mistreated. It is where she felt safe but somehow she felt unsure too. Family brought her the greatest joy but it brought her tears too. She wanted to fix it, make it perfect but that wasn't up to her. It was up to her Lord, and she had to increase in prayer to make her family the place where she felt nothing but love and affection.