Shay's POV
I didn't know what was wrong with me, but something definitely was. I had been throwing up for two days now, and when I got checked out by my doctor she had told me nothing was wrong with the baby. I didn't know if it was the stress of what was going on in my life right now, but I felt nothing but weak and helpless.
"Shay?" My brothers roommate Josh calls softly through the door. I flush the toilet and quickly rinse my mouth with mouth wash, rubbing my fingers over the growing swell of my stomach. I felt and looked like complete shit.
I open the door up, meeting Josh's piercing blue eyes. They were a darker blue than Niall's, a completely different shade.
"How are you doing kid?" He smiles, dimples popping in his cheeks and the silver ring in his lip shining in the light from the hallway. I shrug, looking down at his chest covered by a band t-shirt to avert my gaze from his eyes.
"Not good huh?" It surprises me when his arms wrap around my shoulders, giving me a tight hug. It's somewhat comforting, my own arms giving in and wrapping behind his back.
"I know how hard this must be for you." Josh mumbles from on top of my head where his cheek rests. "Having a baby when you're so young... It's tough. Just know that no matter what happens between you and Niall, I'll always be here for you. And I know your brother will too."
Smiling, I look up to him and meet his eyes. Josh was a great person, with a huge heart and a killer personality.
"Thank you Josh." I press a quick kiss to his cheek and break away from his arms before anything can turn awkward.
I needed to call Niall. I knew he was released from the hospital this morning and was probably at the apartment. The only thing that scared me was that she may be there with him.
I knew he was giving me my space like I had requested when he actually called me yesterday, but now I wasn't sure if that's what I really wanted. I needed to be getting prepared for having this baby, not sitting around my brothers apartment moping and wishing things were different.
I pick up my cellphone, sliding it around in my palm and silently debating whether or not I should just call. I was being stubborn really, wishing he would call me even though I asked him not to. It was stupid and twisted but it was just the way my mind was working right now.
"Just call him."
I jump, clutching a hand to my chest when I look up to see Josh standing in the doorway. He smiles a smile that doesn't reach his dimples, before turning and leaving the room.
I take a deep breath, pressing the key I had saved for Niall on speed dial.
The low humming ring sounds twice before he picks up the phone.
"Shay, hello?" His voice is rushed and it makes me feel like I'm interrupting something.
"Oh, I-it's okay, I can call back if you're bus-"
"What? No, no I'm not busy. I'm just happy to hear from you. Are you okay, how's the baby?"
"We're fine." I answer simply, leaving out the information that I had been throwing up for two days now.
"That's great, uhm, I really think we should talk. You know, about everything."
He was right, we really did need to talk. I wanted answers, the truthful answers.
There were two things I knew.
1) Niall was lying about how he got hurt. I could tell by the way he acted when he wouldn't look at me as he spoke.
2) He was also lying about that Chelsea girl. I didn't know what it was about her that unnerved me, but I didn't want her anywhere near either Niall or I.
I was completely losing it. I didn't know what I wanted anymore, I just wanted to be okay and right now I wasn't.
"I'll be right over."
Niall's POV
I'm a nervous wreck waiting for her to come home. I pace the apartment at least 10 times, tidying everything I had misplaced. I turn the fan on and open a few windows, hopefully she wouldn't be able to smell the marijuana I was smoking in here today. And maybe if I was lucky, she wouldn't ask if I had seen Chelsea either, I don't think I could lie to her anymore without cracking. I didn't want to lie to Shay, I wanted our relationship to be 100% open and honest, but I had already fucked that up.
When I hear the front door open I turn around quickly, wincing slightly from the pain I felt in my ribs. Once I hear the click of the door closing I rush down the hall, greeting her with a kiss to the forehead and my hands on her shoulders. It pains me to see her flinch away from my touch, seemingly nervous. It unsettles me, we were so happy for a while and now everything was fucked up again.
"Remember when you said you would never hurt me, that I didn't have to be afraid?" Her voice is so soft, cracking halfway through her sentence. I watch as she nervously shuffles on her feet, fingers clutching to the strap on her bag.
"I remember." I whisper, swallowing the lump building in my throat. I had said that to her at the hospital when we found out we'd be having a little boy. I had asked her to move in with me and she was afraid, and that's when I promised I would never hurt her.
"You lied." She whimpers, wiping at her eyes to remove the tears that were about to fall. My heart literally feels like it's being crushed in the palm of her hand, I can feel it breaking and it kills me. The pain is far worse than the aftermath of Jesse's beating.
"Please." I beg, unsure of what I'm asking her. I guess I'm begging her to stay and love me the way I love her.
"Tell me the truth." She demands, taking a step back when I move forward.
"I-" I don't know what to say.
"There you go again!" She yells, throwing her hands up exasperatedly. I knew she was fed up with my shit I just didn't know what to do or say. I wanted to make everything better but I didn't know how.
"Who is she?! Who the fuck is she Niall!" Before I can comprehend what's happening Shay is slamming her hands against my chest, pushing me back. Pure rage is all I see in her eyes as her fists slam down again, my hands quickly catching her wrists to stop her before she hurts herself.
"Get off!" She wails, flailing in my arms. I don't listen, too afraid she's going to fall or bump into something and hurt the baby.
Instead I turn her around, wrapping my arms around her body and sliding down the wall. I sit her down in my lap with difficulty, her legs kicking and screams of agony coming from her lips. The sound alone destroys me a little bit more, the fact that she didn't want me anywhere near her making me feel a way I never felt before.
"Stop, please Shay, I love you." I breathe into her ear. My words have the opposite effect I had hoped they would, her body thrashing harder.
"No! You don't get to say that!" She screams, her fingernails digging into my wrist as she attempted to pry my arms away.
"Shh, I love you Shay. You can't stop me from feeling it." I hush her, her angry screaming turning into sobs.
"I hate you, I hate you!" She chants through her tears, the back of her head pressed to my chest. I quietly whisper sweet nothings to her, even trying to sing softly to get her to calm down. When her breathing turns heavy I realize she's cried herself to sleep, shocked at how quickly it came.
She must be exhausted. My subconscious mocks. Yeah, exhausted because of me and my stupidity.
Shifting to a better position, I lean against the wall to brace myself. Pushing my arm under her back and beneath her legs, I slowly lift her into the air and a suck a breath in through my teeth from the pain in my stomach. I didn't want to wake her though.
I carefully set her down on the bed, tucking the blankets around her because she was already shivering. I seriously contemplated crawling in beside her, mainly to warm her more, but decided against it. Knowing Shay and how she reacted to me tonight, she would freak if she woke up in the morning with me beside her.
Instead, I place a gentle peck to her cheek and head to the couch; leaving the door open just in case she needed me.
I would always be here if she needed me.
A/N:
Niall said those three famous words ayy.
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